Yes, add us to the list of parents who have found that just talking to our DD13 and letting her know that we are working hard to make things better for her helps her emotionally.
I also feel your pain, eastcoast-- we, too, live in one of "those" towns. It's the main reason why we continue to pursue virtual schooling rather than homeschooling our DD (you see, it ISN'T just us saying so... other people see it, too).
It was eye-opening to discuss academics with the local high school counselor (one of perhaps the best 10 high schools in our state). They've had one other kid like my DD. In the counselor's 18 years there, I mean. This from looking at her transcripts, and talking to her for twenty minutes when she was 12.
One other thing to bear in mind, though, is what st pauli girl touches upon-- logistics. It may be one thing for them to recognize and admit that your child is really HG+/PG and needs, well, something off the menu, so to speak. But it can be quite another to actually craft something which is feasible.
Sometimes it does actually help to come in with ideas of your own; it's all in the timing of offering them, basically. I always wait until the counselor reaches the end of his/her rope and looks/sounds helpless or confused. Then I gently offer a few "can we TRY this?" suggestions.
