Her current school is great but required (at the time of admission last Spring) that she participate in a social skills group.
One size just does not fit all here. We had to pull our DS out of a similar group, run by the school SLP: it would have been great had she really known how to do it, but she didn't, and it was super-stressful for him.
The problem is that while she's apparently doing well socially in school (with the support of the teachers and the other kids, thank goodness :), this group has not gone so well. It's a group for elementary age girls.
I'm so glad she has nice support in other ways. 9 is the tipping point where all the other kids' social skills begin to take astronomical leaps; it gets to be a very difficult time for kids on the spectrum.
DD is I think on the autism spectrum but does not have a formal diagnosis; mainly she has some social skills issues, so a group would be good if it were positive rather than a negative experience.
Finding the right group is hard. It is great that it's a group for girls-- finding girls to be in such a group can be a challenge, as they tend to be under-diagnosed. Are there explicit goals articulated for the group? Do they use a curriculum to teach particular skills? Groups like this can work, but the person leading it has to really know what they're doing, and have very specific goals for what they're teaching and what skills they want each child to be practicing.
However, this group is run by a psych who frankly seems a little young and not too familiar with spectrum kids, and IMO she doesn't seem to 'get' DD.
It is possible to put into an IEP that particular staff get training specific to ASDs or implementing particular curricula; you'd have to decide whether it's worth it to you to work through that with the school. Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking curriculum is a good one, widely accepted, and-- this is key-- is typically implemented by an SLP, not a psych.
ETA: by which I mean to say not that an SLP is better than a psych, but if you could get the school to see the value, you might be able to get work done on this problem by a different, more understanding person in this particular case.
But it was a Big Deal for the psych that DD argued about it, and DD came out of the group crying and very upset herself. I understand the perspective of the other kid and the psych, but just don't think that was the way to handle it--and DD comes away mainly thinking that they are all against her.
Which isn't doing her any good socially. Being upset about perceived fairness issues has to be worked through carefully so that DD learns the underlying principle (what she is misunderstanding as a big deal might not be; seeing others' perspective); sounds like the psych is not on board with that.
I mean, for a kid on the spectrum, is it useful to put them in situations where they don't understand what they're supposed to be doing, or they don't follow through, and then have them be in trouble for that?
Not that useful, unless there's someone sympathetic who can debug/analyze the situation with them. Ideally that should be the person running the group!
People learn best when they are operating at the very edge of what they're capable of, but not over the edge; and you can't increase social engagement with any engagement that feels punitive.
Since she's doing well in school from what we hear from the teacher, and since I don't think she is really learning much from the group, I'd like to figure out something else to do. I've contacted one of the local homeschooling groups (which we can meet up with in the Summer) and an autism group that meets about once a month, so I would be trying to work on her skills in those settings (by coaching, etc.). Also I am thinking about working through the "Raise your child's social IQ" (Cathi Cohen) book this Summer as suggested awhile ago by the Davidson people, and I found a game on Amazon called "The Art of Conversation" that looked useful for practicing dinner conversations. My sister had an interesting suggestion about picking a front-page newspaper story every day and having a 'water cooler' (informal) conversation about it with her kid to practice. And of course we can keep doing playdates every now and then, and more of them if possible, but I guess whether any of that is 'enough' will be judged by any issues she has in school, which in turn will depend largely on how she gets along with her peers and teachers--and so is essentially beyond our control or ability to influence.
You are going into rough waters age-wise; 10-year-old NT kids get very complex socially, and your DD may find them increasingly bewildering. We have found it best to teach social skills in a 1:1 setting first, then try to generalize them with the help of a special ed teacher at school and private therapy team. You may want to supplement the settings you described here with direct instruction on reading social cues and what to say in various situations. There is a good Australian curriculum called "Secret Agent Society" that works on this.
I guess I'm just wondering 1) whether people think this kind of social skills group experience is useful for a kid on the spectrum
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The particulars (leadership, peers) matter a lot.
Have you got any private therapy resources? I would be inclined to formalize the diagnosis and find someone who specializes in ABA or CBT to work on skills with her...
DeeDee
