moomin - I was going to suggest that the gifted school probably don't want a kid that far out there, they may have just enough of a clue about how different she is to know she doesn't fit their program. Which is a plus, in a weird sort of way. It's better than being convinced that they know exactly what she's like and see it everyday....
Our DD is not remotely as advanced as yours, but when we were changing schools we ended up going with the school where the principle said "Wow, I've never seen a report like that before, we've got no kids like her, we have no gifted program.... this is what we do for kids who are struggling, I guess we do something similar for her, in the other direction." It wasn't that reassuring, it hasn't worked brilliantly - but it was direct and honest and the school is working out far better for us so far than the high end private that thought they knew everything about gifted and yet had my then 5yr old DD curled up in a foetal position sobbing and begging not to go...
