DD3.5 has some of what you describe. She can't take any mistakes on her part or others. If she hears two conflicting things and figures out one was wrong, she gets very upset with the person that gave her the wrong info and makes them admit they were wrong and they take their words back. She will yell," mom, you were wrong. Erase what you said." Sometimes ( very rarely), she has made me write what I said wrong on a piece of paper so I can tear it and trash it. Also, if she makes a mistake and if someone points it out, her eyes well up. My sister suggested "beautiful oops" book and my dd loves it. The book has helped me use humor to calm her down.
Regarding music taste (dd listens to the same set of songs everyday till she decides it is time to move on) and clothing, I just let dd make the decision. I don't fight it bcos to me it is not worth it. For things that must change, we talk about it at length and let her know that we cannot control everything and sometimes must accept it. I try to make it more of an intellectual discussion to deemphasize the emotional aspect. For example, if school rug changes, I would ask her what it is specifically she does not like, how many kids like the change vs not, what I like or don't like about the change. If she cries, I tell her I can't understand what she is trying to tell me. She usually stops. I also suspect spd ( she has many of the symptoms) but haven't discussed with a health professional yet. Sorry for the long response. I hope it helps.
