I've found that whenever I'm upset about school, the very best thing for me to do is to cool off and really think through my goals and how to achieve them before going in. I don't know everything that led up to your confrontation with the principal on Monday, but I do see a few things that probably didn't help in what you've written. I am not sure I understand why you went directly to the principal first instead of the teacher after your ds talked to you - unless you've already addressed this with the teacher and tried to work it through her. Just dropping in to meet with the principal almost never works in our schools - principals are busy folks with lots of meetings and demands on their time, so setting up a meeting ahead of time usually works best to guarantee you'll have time to be heard, plus it helps to give the principal a head's up on what you want to talk about rather than surprising him/her with something they haven't had time to think through. The last thing is - if your ds is blurting out in class and making rude remarks about other children's answers, that's not acceptable behavior - no matter *how* smart he is, and it's also something you're gong to need to work together with your ds on to be sure he understands that and learns how to advocate for himself in a more positive way.
Re what to do now - I think you're actually in a semi-ok place - you have a meeting scheduled with the principal and teacher on Tuesday - that's not too far away, but far enough away you have time to think through how to approach the meeting, gather your data, and prepare to go in with an attitude of working together.
I'll second the suggestion to find a copy of "From Emotions to Advocacy" and also look at the wrightslaw website.
I would also, today, think through exactly what you want for your son, what our goals are for this fall in his classroom, with curriculum etc. Once you have that list, gather all the data that you have that supports your request. For instance, if you want math acceleration, be sure you are aware of what the options are. Then when you know what option you want to advocate for, gather whatever you have that shows your ds is capable and ready for that option. I may be in the minority on suggesting this, but I wouldn't rely on IQ as a number that is going to be meaningful *on it's own* in a subject-acceleration request, and my experience has been that school staff usually aren't impressed by parents throwing around high IQ numbers. What's worked best for us are achievement tests that are directly correlated to the curriculum (state testing or classroom assessments or end-of-year testing) rather than achievement tests such as Woodcock Johnson etc. If you've done any after-schooling, you can show work samples or tests completed there.
Once you have your list of goals and supporting data, make a game plan for how you want to present it at the meeting, and think through possible objections on the part of the school - and come up with responses for each. Practice going through it all. When you're at the meeting, stick to your plan and don't let your emotions run wild.
If you find yourself losing your cool at the meeting, stop the meeting. Agree to meet again later but don't let it devolve if there's no way you can control your upset. If you can keep your cool and still the meeting's going nowhere, what you need to do is to simply listen, politely disagree, and then know that you will be following up with a next step in advocating for your child's needs after the meeting. You *want* to accomplish your goals at this meeting but there is usually a point at which it becomes apparent that no amount of begging/pleading/arguing is going to achieve that - at this moment in time - so that's the place that it's better to politely let go - for *today* - and go home to regroup without burning huge bridges.
After the meeting, if you haven't achieved your goals and it appears hopeless for this year, regroup. Think longer term. What are your goals for your ds' placement for middle school? What do you need to do to get him there?
Hope some of that is helpful - I feel your frustration.
polarbear
