petunia, fwiw, I think you'll find "experts" who are all over the map in any area - whether it's parenting through middle school homework, or whether or not to let your child use a pacifier when they are a toddler, or on how to learn to ride a bicycle. You have to take each piece of advice you hear for what it is, one person's point of view, collate it with what you've heard other "experts" say as well as with your own experience, and go with what makes sense from your perspective for your child.
I think there is some simple truth to what this person said - I doubt he's done extensive studies to get his percentages, but yes, there are kids who are easy to self-motivate and who are going to be able to be responsible for their own homework and parents can take a step back. That doesn't mean that there's anything "wrong" when parents need to be involved in supporting their older children with homework or anything else - that's what being a parent is all about - supporting our children until they are ready to fly on their own.
I have three very different kids. My oldest is 2e and absolutely needs help with homework support - up until this year he needed very very close oversight on organization - this year (7th grade) he's actually been able to handle turning in homework, bringing home what he needs, keeping track of longer term assignments on his own with just a bit of help from me. Does that mean I was doing the wrong thing in 6th grade when I was micromanaging him everyday to be sure he knew the assignments he had to do that night, had his books to bring home in his backpack, etc? Possibly to some people, not to me. I see it as I provided him with the support he needed to learn how to do it himself. I still provide him with a ton of support on writing assignments (he has an expressive language disability that impacts written expression). I'm not *doing* the homework for him, but I'm giving him the structure, tips, guidance that isn't provided through school because most kids in his grade level don't need it. So if you looked at written expression and applied that same theory of percentages, he'd be in that kicked-out 10% or the top 14% or whatever it was... but that is really who he is. And by supporting him in his homework (as well as getting remedial help for him through an SLP) he's making good progress. The goal is *eventually* to get him to self-proficiency but at this point, he's not going to be there for awhile. If I only looked at it from the angle of what those other 86% of the kids can do it would be depressing - but when I look at it from the point of view of where he is now vs where he's been, at the progress he's made, and when I also be sure that we're looking at our whole son and not just the parts that he has difficulty with, when another "expert" makes claims like this it just doesn't even resonate at all with me. So what if he's in the bottom 3% of something? He's still my amazing, wonderful, happy son. He might not ever be able to write a short story well, but he has plenty of other things he can do in life and that make him the cool kid that he is.
Some kids don't need organizational or homework support in 6th grade - my youngest dd has been really proficient about the organizational type skills since first grade (she's in 3rd this year). I don't check her backpack and I don't need to. We help her with her homework when she has questions about it but for the most part she can do it all by herself. She's also 2e with a reading challenge, and if it wasn't for that reading challenge, I think around 75% of the questions she asks and help she needs would evaporate.
Our older dd (5th grade) basically functions entirely on her own - organization and homework. I *wish* she'd be more willing to let us be involved as parents because there are still a lot of areas I would like to encourage her to do better in - penmanship, grammar, for example. She is math-challenged but handles it on her own (getting help from her teacher) rather than have us (parents) help her. That's her personality.
Kids are all so different - and "experts" all have their own theories, whether or not they're trying to sell a book. No one knows your child like you do, and no one is going to have the gut instinct that you will re what is the "right" answer for your child. Don't let what someone else says get you down - trust your own instincts and know that your'e making the right decisions - you are!
Hang in there,
polarbear
