I went today to the school to hear a noted psychologist in our area talk. The topic was supposed to be "How to Survive Adolescense". It ended up being about "How to Modify Behavior". It was okay but I came home feeling frustrated and sad over some of the things he said.
First he talked about positive reinforcement for your kids for small behaviors like putting his fork in the sink, picking up his backpack, putting on his shoes, etc. The idea is to give tally marks or beads each time he did this, giving at least 20 every day to reinforce the positive relationship. This is supposed to motivate your child to do what you want. He alls it the "Good Behavior Game" Sounds good, right?
Here's what depressed me:
1) The above works for about 86% of kids. The other 14% end up in his office for behavior management (he and the other therapists walk you through a program he wrote a book about). We worked with one of his therapists and after about 4 months were told: I can't help you. Most kids by now are minding and doing what we want them to do. Yours isn't. About 90% of the kids who come through our office get this. The other 10% we send out for possible medication." So, we've been booted out of this guy's office. So, we're in the top 10% of the top 14% misbehaving, defiant, no-concept-of-time, unorganized kids????
2) Knowing his program, it seemed like a very subtle advertisement for his book, although he never mentioned it by name.
3) When I asked what the difference was between a psychologist and a neuropsychologist, He answered "about $50,000 a year" and tried to moved on to the next question. I interrupted and said, "I'd really like to know the difference and when you'd use one over the other". He sighed and responded "A NP is for brain injury or trauma. He'll diagnose just like a psych but will do all this extra testing and charge you a lot more for it".
4) He said that parents shouldn't be aware of their children's homework after 3rd grade unless it's not done. Mine's in 7th. If you are asking about homework or helping with homework or managing your child's time for homework, then you are enabling him. You should only get involved if the work is not getting done (as notified by your school or poor grades). I asked if he thought that was true as well for kids with ADHD or ASD or other disorders. He said that these disorders, which he put in air quotes, had nothing to do with homework and parents still shouldn't be involved in the homework. The "disorders" simply make things "harder than" things would be with normal kids but that with a lot of hard work from the parent using the Good Behavior Game, the child should get through it by himself.
5) Kids for whom his game doesn't work need "shock collar" type consequences and reinforcers. No examples were given. My child has not responded to ANY consequences or reinforcers. It's as if it just doesn't matter to him.
Anyway, I'm not sure what my point here is but I came away from it very upset. My child is highly gifted, grade-accelerated, diagnosed ODD, probably ADHD, possibly ASD, no time management skills, pragrmatic language disorder, immature, and who knows what else and I'm supposed to "just work harder at positive reinforcement of small behaviors" and "don't get involved in his homework"??
Aaaaugghhhhh! Thanks for reading.
