My son Aiden is 5 and is currently in Play Therapy for Anger and anxiety specifically. ASide from the issues with his learning environment, which have now all been addressed and changed, the things that she said that have helped the most are this:
1. Expressing Anger is healthy! even if your child is yelling at you it's fine and permissible! They are expressing their emotions.
2. 3 x rules for when feeling angry. No hurting yourself, no hurting others, no destroying property.
3. Anger needs a physical outlet to dissapate. So we got a huge trampoline, he learnt to ride his bicycle, he asks dad to take him for a run or to the driving range with his little golf clubs. We are also going to set up a small boxing punching bag and a messy art corner so that he can use paint or whatever to express the anger in a big physical way too.
4. Intense, gifted kids often believe/feel they are older than they really are. So they believe that they should have more autonomy. It means they need to feel in control of their own lives. We have given Aiden as much freedom to make his own choices as is possible for a smart 5 year old. We have set general guidelines and we now let him choose within this framework. He chooses his own bathtime, his own bedtime (loosely), how much he eats at each meal, his own clothes, what time we leave for activities that are for him, what he does for learning time, what pieces he will practice for violin each day etc. The more control they have, the less they will feel the need to force control in other situations.
For me, the main thing I have realised is this: Even though they are smart, they are still also little. And when they are faced with these HUGE, intense emotions, they also get scared. They need our love MORE when they seem to "deserve" it less. It's a longer, harder way, but they need to know that we love them even when they are angry and controlling - otherwise it feeds the performance anxiety and perfectionism for our approval.
I hope that it helps you... I am truly grateful to hear that he will grow into himself
and so glad to read another referral for Transforming the difficult child. Mine arrives in 2 weeks time! yay!
