This seems so odd to me; I'm not sure what, if anything, to do about it. Here's the scenario: this is about DS5, my neglected one who doesn't seem to have the issues of his sibs. He just turned 5, and is in a pre-K montessori classroom, which we have been happy with. He'll continue with the same teacher/classroom for K. His sibs have some 2E types of issues (visual/auditory/sensory processing, fine motor, etc.; both are strongly visual-spatial). I don't see the same issues in DS5. I think he's more balanced between left and right brained learning. DS5 has never been tested for IQ or these other issues. He's bright, but I have no reason to suspect HG.
Anyway, we had our teacher conference the other day. Her primary comment is that she believes he is underachieving relative to his abilities (it strikes me as at least a little bit funny to be discussing underachievement re: preschool; but then at our last conference last fall she thought he had already met her minimum requirements for starting K). She stressed that he is not behind at all (for grade level) but that she believes he's capable of much more. He prefers to choose easy work in class, and she's been making him do harder things. She believes he's afraid to make mistakes, that he has a self-confidence problem academically (he also hates to ask for help). She also thinks he's been concentrating on developing social relationships this year, having made a lot of new buddies. She is confident that next year in K this will work itself out due to the combination of weekly goal sheets and peer pressure from a group of boys in the class, including his best buddy, who are "bright", "very bright" and "amazing". She thinks if there wasn't such a group of bright kids he'd sink down to a mediocre level.
Neither his teacher nor I think he has any learning issues - he's been checked by a behavioral optometrist twice for vision, and he is capable of sounding out words far better than his sibs so I doubt he has a significant auditory-processing thing going on. I have had in the back of my mind that I might want to do private IQ testing (like we did for his sister, when we discovered all her issues), but I was planning to do that in about a year, toward the end of K, primarily to be certain he doesn't have his sibs' issues. I feel like it's too early right now. What I see at home, when I challenge him with, for example, reading, he acts like "oh no, now I have to use my brain!"...grumble grumble..."do I really have to." It's like his brain is lazy. So I haven't pushed; he's young, plenty of time, I think to myself, although I personally felt like I had quite the lazy brain in high school and college. I didn't learn to think until law school or even after. I'd hate for that to happen to him - it was such a waste. If he doesn't feel like using his brain now, is it really going to improve? What am I missing? To the extent that he's had special interests, we've tried to cultivate that (e.g. dinosaurs, getting books, going to the museum, etc.), but mostly he's just interested in boy stuff. My fear is that his fear of making mistakes, coupled with sibs who are starting to advance quickly now that their 2E issues are being addressed, will contribute to him thinking he's not capable (I should add that one of the sibs is a twin brother who, in spite of major issues - IEP for speech and fine motor -is much further ahead of DS in math).
So, should I not worry about this "underachievement", like the teacher says? Does it sound like it's just a natural phase in development? Or, should I think about doing testing much sooner than I had planned? I really don't think he's under-challenged at school except to the extent that he's under-challenging himself, and maybe that's the rub of the montessori program, that he has so much choice, at least during preschool. I know his teacher really wants to stretch him without making him hate school, so she feels she's walking a fine line when she makes him do more challenging works. She said just the other day she made him do some math, which he has been avoiding, and he did it well and apparently enjoyed it, but he doesn't choose that stuff on his own. Could it be that she needs to make him try really hard things (harder than she has been), to make him think, or might he just shut down completely (he's got quite the scowl pose, arms folded, big pout). I just don't know. I am very thankful that she identified the issue - she's a veteran teacher with more than 20 yrs experience, and for the most part she's kinda strict in how she operates with parents, so I would not necessarily have expected her to see it. As it turns out, she prides herself on knowing her students very, very well. But, I'm guessing there's only so much I could ask for if I wanted her to change her approach (not that I even have any thoughts in that direction).
I was hoping that by writing this out I wouldn't actually have to post it, that I'd come to some sort of conclusion just by having written it out, as sometimes happens. Alas, it hasn't happened. Thoughts? Should I just let him be? Or am I letting him waste his brain? Thanks a million!!
