I would have quoted and agreed with bringing her home for a year to get more grounded and not letting your husband insist your daughter move out and be grown before she is because of special needs and asynchronousity even if you have to hold her hand and walk her through the rough spot. But I can imagine the strain of a surly willful overgrown child. I was thinking about jobcorp because of the age range and they provide housing so it's not completely on her to be organized out of the starting line, but I googled it and they just offer help getting maybe a GED or some college prep courses, so that's not right for her. I just thought it might be since she would be unmotivated at grandma's house and it wouldn't work at yours. Then I thought about the peace corps because they say it's fulfilling. But I think Tallulah's right, you're going to have to hold her through this, somehow. It's not enabling it's scaffolding. It's enabling if you don't have an endgame and yours is helping her get through college and to grow into independence. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
