I think popularity is like maturity. A really big bunch of conflicting concepts. So I would caution against passing judgement on "popularity." I'd rather unroll it and take it apart and judge each segment on it's own merits.
I'll start by digressing. I remember as a school-aged child figuring out that the way to be popular around me involved picking on lower status children. I remember deciding that I wasn't willing to do that, even if it mean it wouldn't be popluar. ((LOL - even if I had been willing, I doubt it would have helped much!!))
Later when I was pregnant, I decided that I had missed out on a lot of learning by sticking to my position, and that if my own child "got her hands dirty" in the popularity game, I would try to provide guidance without demanding she stick to my position. As an adult I just started to understand that part of the whole point of being a child, is that one isn't developmentally ready (usually) to "do the right thing." Even knowing what the right thing is, is hard enough!
Then my son was born. I totally reversed my decision.
He seemed to me to be developmentally ready to know and do "the right thing" from a very early age, and I hold him to that standard. There are limits on his ability to appreciate how some of his comments affect other people, and I make allowances for that, but he is just-plain-not-allowed to pick on the lower status kids. He's my only child, so I don't know if his Giftedness is what changed my view, or if I just don't really have the guts to say: Go ahead, This is part of normal development.
Now, there is status, and there is sociability. I do believe that sociability is a good thing, and should be nutured, and taught outright when needed. I believe that an outgoing, cheerful, imaginative person could be popular, perhaps not with every one, but with a rather large number of people. Some authentic people are quite sociable and have a large, strong social network. Other authentic people are not that interested in such things, and naturally will have a smaller social network. The whole point of being authentic is that you honor what you are.
Some ways of fitting in are silly and meaninless and don't violate anyone's integrity. I do activly encourage my son to pick up on those and enjoy them. Friendliness is also,a lovely quaility. I think that some of us can be true to ourselves and be respected, liked and warmly loved quite widely, for others it's going to be a small group of people. There are advantages and disadvantages all around.
So Jeremy, no sour grapes allowed over popularity. It's wise to value whatever people have figured out to be good at (within reason) and to doubt ourselves whenever the "all or nothing" thinking starts creeping into our minds.
OTOH - I've started to find it quite funny that Gifted kids are so often noted to have "poor social skills" and encouraged to make great efforts to "learn to get along" with "normal" children. I've never seen a curriula for "normal" kids to learn to get along with gifted and highly gifted kids. Although just mentioning is sends my mind reeling off into low budget graphic and Paulette Panda visiting Jimmy Giraffe and how she will find ways to play that are fun for both of them. Of course the point is that we don't expect normal children to be able to do this. I bet we are wrong, actually.
Love and More Love,
Trinity
