IIRC the heart of the matter is how you give positive reinforcement, not that you need to avoid it. Instead of praising a child for being smart, etc. you praise effort, or praise achievement while noting how proud you are of the effort needed to achieve, perhaps specifically noting and appreciating how the child didn't give up at a certain point but was creative about finding a different approach, etc. One thing I've done with DS6 in the past is ask him if he's happy to have surmounted an obstacle (always "yes") and if he's happy to be more capable after learning something new (again always "yes").
Now, if your kid never has to try at anything, that can be hard to do. laugh In that case it's time to up the challenge level.
Honestly, DD has really never needed to try at anything school-related. Well, unless you count "finishing the damn homework."
I praised the heck out of her when she learned to swim and ride a bike, both of which took really hard work. I praise her art when she works hard on it. I definitely praise kindness and helpfulness.
Bu--school. I tell her I'm proud of her (uniformly excellent) grades, but I wonder if she can tell from my voice that I know it wasn't hard for her to get those grades. Other than that, I guess I don't remark on the work she brings home unless I see a strong piece of writing (not infrequent). She wouldn't really stand for it anyway, I think. If DH says "Good work" to her about her spelling tests, for instance, she says "It's really easy and I didn't even study."
