I second the homeschool option and especially like Grinity's suggestion of either tutor for Aiden or maybe a daytime playgroup or class so you can still have alone time or special time for Dylan.
Personally, I would have given up ALL my own free time if I had realized what was happening to Butter earlier. I also could kick myself for all I didn't see, all that wasted time, etc. I should have known, in the beginning, when she could actually read and most of the other kids couldn't...oh well, hindsight is 20/20.
I also second Dude's assertion that socialization in a poor fitting environment is not helpful...not to mention (this is my new "go to" socialization argument...) I don't send my kid to school to socialize. ANd I don't keep her locked up in the house the rest of the time...Butter has Girl Scouts, two different dance classes now and all those other things she does at her school, seperate from academics.
Butter also never acted out like that to me, she's pretty stoic actually. But now I see some behaviors (like refusing to do work) as her way of telling us it wasn't right for her. My friend's son, Mr B, was more like you are describing, verbalizing that he didn't like the school, asking to be homeschooled, etc...
In the end, you will have to decide what IS best, but I'm sure that sending him to a place he hates, a place that is "dulling his shine" day after day, is not a good option. If you can't convince that school to give him what he really needs, I'd pull him out asap!
