I think I can offer you some hope and encouragement. Our DD8 was identified as gifted in 1st grade by her school, but we did not understand that to mean anything other than smarter than average. She was smart but had no academic passions. By 2nd grade, she started suffering from mysterious anxiety and stomach aches. We ran out of ideas trying to figure out what was wrong, until I revisited the gifted idea as a sort of last straw. So I had her independently tested when she was 7, and her scores were in the HG+ range, which really threw me for a loop. That's how I ended up coming here, and learning all about the gifted issues that do not relate directly to academic performance.
Long story short, we made the difficult and risky decision to pull her from her beloved home school, and put her in the gifted magnet school for 3rd grade. The first month was a bit rough academically because she had never learned how to work hard and persevere, but socially it was wonderful. She fit right in. During the first week, she told me that the teacher told the entire class they were there because they were gifted high achievers. She said that made her feel so nice, yet humbled. Her stomach aches never appeared.
Within a few weeks, her giftedness kicked in, and she's getting straight As. Her friends understand her humor and she doesn't have to hide and distort herself to fit in anymore. She started an informal cheerleading group during recess, and already got them to perform during a school assembly.
That being said, I still worry about her. She has to be told repeatedly the steps for simple tasks like getting ready for school or ready for bed. It is at times like that when I still question the whole gifted thing, but then maybe that's me feeding myself the myth of equating giftedness with high achievement or academic passion. The gifted population is incredibly diverse.
I would say do not underestimate her need to fit in and feel comfortable in her own skin, which may only be possible in the presence of gifted peers. I also think there is value in not necessarily being the smartest kid in class, which has a sort of normalizing and humbling effect that encourages performance. Also, since she is clearly gifted, she is at risk of missing out on the crucial lessons of learning how to meet and overcome challenges in school.
