Our concern is that everything comes easy to him - and i mean just about everything. I am really hard pressed to think of something that he hasn't been able to just watch and then do...it all comes easy. -And if it doesn't come easy, he doesn't want to do it ... I'm so stupid - waaa!" (We would *never* say that to him - he cam e up with that on his own...) Anyway, my point is that I'm worried that he will go through life never doing more than is expected and not knowing how to handle it when something is presented that he might have to actually work at.
Now I understand your question - part of what you are looking for is a group of parents you can finally talk to about all the little doubts in your mind - excellent, we are wondeful for that!
But the other main concern has a name - Perfectionism. It's when a child never learns how to tackle difficult learning challenges. You are right, just like your DH, it's a potential problem and it's up to alert parents to figure out that the usuall path isn't going to help.
So the problem may have started with 'there are too few opportunities for my child to challenge themselves' and now it's grown into a full fledged 'my child is actively avoiding anything that is slightly difficult.'
This is what prompted me to first change the school my child was attending and then request a grade skip when the work still wasn't difficult enough to give my child regular opportunities to face the emotional pain of learning to face and overcome academic challenges.
Knowing what I know now, I would start by reading the book: 'Transforming the difficult child workbook' by Lisa Bravo and doing what is needed to praise every bit of effort my child puts into anything. You want to carve above the mantlepiece "This is a family that values the courage to face new challenges" and repeat it hourly on a daily basis. If you have to crawl into be with him while he's 3/4 asleep and tell him that you saw his concentrating face today while he was looking at that new piece of playground equipement and that shows that he was planning in his how how to try something new, then that's what you do. There is always some evidence of the desired behavior, no matter how small, how teeny, how micoroscopic.
If you child were 'laid back' and not extra emotional, then I would say it's fine that he hide his abilities for now - he's only 6 - but since you are seeing this perfectionism and the emotional pain he is in, then it isn't ok, and a visit with the teacher to discuss and see if subject acceleration is possible. Another alterntive is afterschooling - just 10 minutes of ALEKS on the computer every school day might be enough for him to get out into the world of how normal kids experience normal school - it's hard sometimes but he can do it!
Best Wishes,
Grinity
