I don't seem to be getting anywhere despite the usual efforts.
I think a little definition of "the usual efforts" here would be key to understanding.
My older son went through a particularly rough period in mid school, and it got to the point that I let him know that our "obligation" was to clothe, feed and provide medical for him. Above that, it was all perks. We took away his gaming things, then his iPod (one of the first gen at that - smile), and it wasn't until I informed him that if he couldn't learn to respect and appreciate what he had, he would come home from school to find he'd lost his furniture, all but a single change of clothes and his door. They were perks he'd have to earn back.
He became a model of respect over night.
This reminds me of my own "Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges" lecture series my daughter is occasionally treated to, as situations dictate. For example, if she's giving me grief about bedtime, I tell her about her rights to good health and a good education, how sleep plays an important role in both, and how I therefore have a responsibility to uphold those rights by ensuring she gets adequate sleep. "So don't complain to me about bedtime being too early, I don't have a choice in the matter, because I don't get to violate your rights." Bedtime stories, on the other hand, are a privilege earned through good behavior, and can be revoked at any time.
It seems to work for her.
