DS11 in really giving me a hard time. It is common for him to tell me to shut up and call me a jerk. I am very upset by this. I never ever spoke to my parent or him that way. I don't seem to be getting anywhere despite the usual efforts. This is wearing me out.
Some of this is about his inner voice screaming at him. If I make a very conscience effort in sweetest voice to attempt to suggest improvement in homework, he hears I'm yelling at him like he is no good.
I never get progress from taking away priveleges, although I do it anyway.
Hi onthegomom
I totally agree with MoN about stating flatly (not explaining) about how you will and will not be treated. There are some things that are not negotiable - not inside the house and not outside the house. I also agree about trying to remain calm and walking away if necessary - disengage the minute the behavior occurs. However, it occurs to me to wonder when and why he is doing it - lashing out because you critique him - is it in pain, he hears you yelling at him or critizing him - or is it a techniquie to get you to leave him alone so he doesnt have to correct it, change it or do whatever you were telling him he needed to do. Nutshell - is it an inappropriate defense mechanism or a clever tactic?
i would love to hear what those who use the NHA do in these situations (haven't read the book, feeling like I am absorbing it by osmosis
seems like you could praise the - thank you for speaking to me respectfully, etc moments. Perhaps giving something when it goes well so that he sees the benefit of being nice. And since some of it is hormonal, i like what MoN says about having to learn to behave when frustrated
A cousin is a middle school teacher - quite possibly the hardest job!!! She says that 11-14 is one of the hardest to deal with because they are both fragile and belligerent - it was such an apt picture it stuck with me!
Most important thing - find some way to get some me time for yourself to recharge those worn out batteries. A new patience can often be found after a good walk in a park, by the ocean, or whatever gives you peace. I find that rejuvination in natural settings most - probably because its the farthest from my noisy norm.
Hang in there!
DeHe
