MumOfThree,

Your daughter could certainly be gifted with Asperger's. The description is very similar to my DS7, who was hyperlexic (read at 21 months), had impossible tantrums similar to what you describer, and has always been intensely outgoing, affectionate, and inclined to assume that everyone wanted to be his friend. Through some wonderful interventions and amazing therapeutic programs, he is doing extremely well now, though it is still challenging, and his pain can cut me to the quick sometimes. He is learning about friendships, but as other people here have described, it is a skillset that he must be taught painstakingly. I was saying to him just the other night, that he needs to remember that it isn't unfair that he gets to do 3rd grade math and 4th grade enrichment while he's in 1st grade, because the other kids who find math extremely difficult to learn (he just stares at me in horror) have mostly had a very easy time learning how to make friends and calm themselves down, which he has always needed help with. And just as the other kids WILL learn math and reading and writing in script, so he is gradually learning these skills. And as with math, the skill will get stronger through teaching and practice.

He knows about his ADHD (easier to explain, and I have it myself, so it gives him a point of identification with Dad), but we haven't told him he has Asperger's per se (he's an oversharer, so we don't need him hanging that label out for all to see right now). But he understands these issues and that he has them, so when the time comes to go into the specifics, I don't think it will be much of a bomb to drop. Truth to tell, by the time we have that conversation, his diagnostician may not be able to formally say he present Asperger's symptoms anymore. In the past year, several people who have experience with Asperger's in adults or older kids have questioned us when we mentioned it.

And yes, he really does have it--but that's the thing. Particularly with PG kids like this, the labels don't always apply in the standard ways. 2e kids are very different both from other gifted kids, and from other kids with issues.

Best of luck. I'm confident both your kids are going to do beautifully.