BUT, he does not have any difficulty focusing on activities that he does not find boring and has had an exceptionally long attention span since infancy, especially for stories (and now for reading on his own). He has played chess, Monopoly, Life, etc. since he was 5 or so, all very long games that many other kids don't have the patience for. So ADHD doesn't seem to fit, IMO.
Part of me thinks maybe I am just in denial about ADHD
Good for you for asking this difficult question.
I would say that it's probably impossible for a parent to tell, and that only very skilled Professionals who are few familiar with kids of your son's giftedness would be able to tell. Sorry.
As for your reasoning about 'ADHD not fitting' that hasn't been my experience. I know many many HG and PG kids who do have ADHD who can focus for almost infinite amounts of time on interesting learning challenges that interest them.
I think that if your child weren't gifted, that your reasoning would be correct, because most ND kids don't find learning challenges engaging. If such a thing exists as a ND kid who just lights up to learning challenges the way other kids enjoy video games, then my guess is that they could focus on things that interest them even if they have ADHD. Is this starting to make sense?
I think what you are seeing is giftedness (or perhaps unusual levels of giftedness) in the mix that make the 'expected' ADHD signposts look quite odd.
DS8 is HIGH energy, constantly moving, touching people, bouncing balls when available, spinning, etc.
What happens when DS is absolutely forbidden to move, touch people, etc? Say, at a funeral? That is what I would focus on if I was trying to convinse myself that an assesment was in order. I'd also look at family history. Can you point to other family members who's adult development seems stunted with similar traits?
Remember that ADHD is a developmental problem - it isn't that your son isn't progressing, but that perhaps he resembles children of a younger age in self managment, just as he resembles children of an older age in knowledge. I believe that HG and PG kids have so much to 'manage' internally, that if they aren't also very gifted in self-management, that they will have ADHD even if they have higher self-management skills per internal vibrancy than age peers.
I think of OE vs ADHD this way:
Two 6 year old children with sensory OE might both be upset by the smells in a resturant that aren't bothering anyone else. The one with ADHD is the one on the floor having a full tantrum at age 6. The one without ADHD might have manipulated some semi-willing adult into going outside for a walk while we wait for the food, or asked for some spearmint chewing gum to cover up the smell.
Not sure if that's correct either - it's a tough question.
What I hate about the whole OE framework, is that in it's purest form, it only suggest that Mom organize the environment for success, and the rest of the world be 'more understanding.' You are seeking help from OT, which I think is great. Deep meditative breathing techniques can also be helpful. I believe that OEs exist, but expecting the rest of the world to be more considerate isn't appealing to me.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
