The first thing that struck me about your post is that two medical professionals have recommended anti-depressants. This is a huge red flag that something is very wrong.
The possibilities are wide ranging - Your daughter could have a real disorder that requires treatment or a real problem that is causing stress that is causing the symptoms. Giftedness can cause stress - but giftedness can coexist with mental illness or other problems.
Make sure you open your mind to all the possibilities and don't put blinders on and make assumptions about the cause of the problem.
That said - if you have really looked at this from all sides and the only thing you can see is giftedness - there are two approaches you can take: test or not test.
The deal is - if she doesn't want to test and has shown a desire not to have successful test results - it is a waste of time. What is more, even though she sabotages the results herself - she will likely end up with even lower self esteem after doing poorly on the test.
I would suggest dropping the testing and the attempt to give her a label she doesn't want to have.
The real key to being a happy well adjusted adult is to know ourselves, accept ourselves, and like ourselves.
Find something she is interested in that is worth encouraging and help her to explore that. She likes animals apparently. Can she help an elderly neighbor care for a pet? Doing good for others tends to make us feel better about ourselves. This might be really good for her. Can she explore her art some more? Maybe take some classes where she can work on her technique? Find ways to help her grow her self esteem - not fake pats on the back - but real accomplishments that she can be proud of.
If being smart isn't cool, then there is something wrong with her friends. Buy her a book such as the American Girl Being Smart about Friends and read it together and talk about it.
Yes, it might help her if she were getting challenged at school - but maybe the teacher can make some of that happen even without her being labelled for the gifted program.
It sounds like you have quite a challenge ahead of you.
Mary
