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    Joined: Jul 2010
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    So I am trying to figure out how to bring this up appropriately without being perceived as bragging or whatever. There are 4 other rising 6th graders in our small neighborhood. I want to tell them now (dd is out of town for a week) so if there is discussion about it they can get that out of the way before she gets back, and so that questions can be asked and answered if they have any and she won't be in an awkward situation. It would be wierd to *not* say anything and just have her suddenly be in 7th when school starts.

    I thought I could say, truthfully, that because she is old for grade and had been working 1 yr. ahead since she started at Montessori, that we could have had her declared a 6th grader and start at the middle school when we moved, but that seemed too much of a change, and the school agreed that she would do well with a skip in the fall. Please pass the bean dip.

    That sounds reasonable, right? Hoping it is fine. There seems to be tons of red-shirting of the "we don't push our kids" variety. There are also though some clearly gifted moms and kids (the one I like the most is in some deep gifted denial).

    Thanks!

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    I think less is more. Just tell them that you and her father, her teacher, her principal and she decided that this would be for the best.
    You aren't responsible for their feelings about it and you don't have to answer questions that are inappropriate. Let them know that your dd still wants to be friends with their children. Be confident in what you've chosen for your family! You've clearly thought it through and are taking the best course of action you know! There is power in that confidence!

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    We didn't have kids so near in the neighborhood, so we didn't tell many people except the friends who know him best and were not surprised. we just waited for questions after school started and said that the principal and the teachers thought it was more appropriate. But our DS was younger--skipping 1st. I would say in your case keeping it simple would be good. E.g., "just wanted to let you know that the school thought that 7th would be a better fit for DD. I'm glad that she has such good friends nearby in the neigborhood so it will be easy to stay friends after school."

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    I can't offer much sage advice because I really wimped out on telling people. It sounds like you are in a bit of a different situation, though, or at least I hope that you are. We had concerns with competitiveness, jealousy, and I guess some of the same worries about sounding like braggarts.

    I wound up not telling virtually anyone and waiting for it to be found out via the grapevine, which is what it sounds like you are trying to avoid probably rightly so. The only people I had to tell were family members who were less than supportive as well and I was almost apologetic in telling them.

    The only thing I can say that we did that probably made it sound less "braggy," when we started getting questions from others when it came out via grapevine was to say that we were approached by the school who felt that placing her in the next grade up would be a better fit. That was honest and it also seemed to go over better than suggesting that we felt that she was so advanced that she needed to be skipped. I tried to be short, simple, and not expand unless pressed.

    I did get some questions about how we got her skipped, what types of information they needed, etc. and I probably didn't handle those as well.

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    Originally Posted by daytripper75
    I think less is more. Just tell them that you and her father, her teacher, her principal and she decided that this would be for the best.
    You aren't responsible for their feelings about it and you don't have to answer questions that are inappropriate. Let them know that your dd still wants to be friends with their children. Be confident in what you've chosen for your family! You've clearly thought it through and are taking the best course of action you know! There is power in that confidence!

    Thanks for the encouragement, this is always good advice!

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    Originally Posted by st pauli girl
    We didn't have kids so near in the neighborhood, so we didn't tell many people except the friends who know him best and were not surprised. we just waited for questions after school started and said that the principal and the teachers thought it was more appropriate. But our DS was younger--skipping 1st. I would say in your case keeping it simple would be good. E.g., "just wanted to let you know that the school thought that 7th would be a better fit for DD. I'm glad that she has such good friends nearby in the neigborhood so it will be easy to stay friends after school."

    I think this is the right approach. We did just move here in March, so she is not close with the other 6th grade girls in the neighborhood. (the girls at school she hit it off with are going to the other middle school) They don't seem to have much in common and I have seen them walk right by my daughter and not say hello. (I don't think they are deliberately being mean--just kind of happy with their own group and have not learned or been taught how to include someone new) This is just another reason I am happy for the skip! It makes it less wierd that she isn't really friends with them if she is in 7th.

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    Originally Posted by master of none
    If you are skipping OUT of the class, I see no reason for you to say anything. Just tell the kids whose class she is skipping into. No need to involve parents--no good way to tell them and their kids will do that for you. My dd told the friends she was leaving--that way, she got to control the message going out.
    If your dd knows the rising 6th graders, SHE should tell them. She's old enough to want to control the message, and let her say explain it however she wants to.

    In my experience, telling one key player is all that's needed. It's such a big deal to kids that they will enjoy spreading the "secret". So you want to be sure the message is started with a reasonable person saying reasonable things (your dd to a trusted friend)

    If there's an active parent group, you want to tell some adult that will get the word out to any curious minds in a way that satisfies them too. We messed up that one and got a phone call asking for volunteers. I realized afterward that this person volunteered to call in order to pepper me with questions. But, fortunately, it was a lady who likes to talk and it got turned around to me congratulating her on her fine choice in holding back her dd because yes, she is in the GT program and very popular.

    I am not sure if there are any 7th grade girls in the neighborhood. I did tell one mom who has a 7th grade boy who sounds like a male version of my daughter (lol!) But she does not strike me AT ALL as someone who likes to gossip so I doubt she will say anything to anyone--but maybe her son will.

    As far as her telling the girls--they have really recently been the opposite of friendly. Dd can be shy but I know she has tried and they are just not that receptive. And they seem to be very much into the popular culture and clothes and boys and dd just isn't, which motivates her even less to really extend herself. (I think when school starts she will find people she has stuff in common with in orchestra and theatre) So honestly it would be wierd for her walk up and share this. But there is swim team practice every day, a neighborhood adult social coming up and the parents are always standing around talking--I am sure people will talk about middle school and I want to be proactive and not act like it is something to hide.

    Too funny about the lady with the popular kid.

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    Originally Posted by Cricket2
    I can't offer much sage advice because I really wimped out on telling people. It sounds like you are in a bit of a different situation, though, or at least I hope that you are. We had concerns with competitiveness, jealousy, and I guess some of the same worries about sounding like braggarts.

    I wound up not telling virtually anyone and waiting for it to be found out via the grapevine, which is what it sounds like you are trying to avoid probably rightly so. The only people I had to tell were family members who were less than supportive as well and I was almost apologetic in telling them.

    The only thing I can say that we did that probably made it sound less "braggy," when we started getting questions from others when it came out via grapevine was to say that we were approached by the school who felt that placing her in the next grade up would be a better fit. That was honest and it also seemed to go over better than suggesting that we felt that she was so advanced that she needed to be skipped. I tried to be short, simple, and not expand unless pressed.
    I did get some questions about how we got her skipped, what types of information they needed, etc. and I probably didn't handle those as well.

    Re: family--I was actually shocked but my mother was very supportive. I waited forever to tell her because I thought she wouldn't be, it was a nice surprise. I think the bolded is how I will approach it. Thanks!

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    Our son is about to skip first grade, and we are trying to figure out how to handle it, especially dealing with his best buddy's family. I think ultimately, it is going to improve their friendship, but the initial adjustment is going to be hard.

    Our school is an interesting one, and the group of PTO parents is very small and cliquey. This is going to throw them all for a loop...

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    Originally Posted by mom of 1
    Our son is about to skip first grade, and we are trying to figure out how to handle it, especially dealing with his best buddy's family. I think ultimately, it is going to improve their friendship, but the initial adjustment is going to be hard.
    I'd be prepared for it not to improve their friendship-- how would that work? It will add some stumbling blocks. Over time, it's more likely than not that the friendship will naturally fall away due to the differing social groups (at least unless you live close by in the same neighborhood), but it's not the end of the world.


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