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    #95616 02/26/11 07:54 PM
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    The book thread had me recalling a time when I completely failed to see a major traumatizing event coming with my daughter.


    She read Bridge to Terabithia as an assignment for a GT language arts class when she was 8, and that was the same year that the new movie was released. So I took her to see the movie one afternoon. BIG mistake. This entirely appropriate children's movie left her sobbing in the car on the way home. I felt horrible. Now, in my defense, this is a child that is so steadfast that we never have to worry about her emotional sensitivity... she is a ROCK and always has been.

    A number of factors came together in the movie that hadn't in the book. She didn't identify much with Leslie in reading the novel. After all, Leslie's parents are rather free-spirit artistic types, and we are not. In the casting for the film, however, Disney created a perfect storm by more or less creating my DD's nuclear family on screen.

    DD already knew that she could actually die (long story); that was not what traumatized her. She realized very abruptly what her death would mean to us, which had clearly never really occurred to her. She instantly seemed to jump to understanding that when one is LOVED by others, that means, on some level, that taking care with your well-being isn't just for your own sake. The bond of love also implies responsibility-- because you carry another person's heart and dreams with you all the time.

    That afternoon took some of her childhood innocence, unfortunately. frown
    It's a lesson that I'd have wanted her to learn, of course-- just not at eight years old.

    ______________________

    So I'm wondering if others have had these kinds of situations come out of nowhere with a child suddenly manifesting an INTENSE emotional response to something that seemed like it should have been just fine.

    What happened? What were you thinking at the time (as a parent)? What did you do to help your child? Do you feel guilty or okay about it now?

    Last edited by HowlerKarma; 02/26/11 09:34 PM. Reason: unfortunate typo

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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    She read Bridge to Terabithia as an assignment for a GT language arts class when she was 8, and that was the same year that the new movie was released. So I took her to see the movie one afternoon. BIG mistake. This entirely appropriate children's movie left her sobbing in the car on the way home.

    I don't have an Ooops moment for you, but I had to comment on the Bridge to Terabithia movie. I haven't read the book, but I thought I'd preview the movie since it was on cable, to see if DS might like it. It was horribly sad! I was sobbing. I don't know if I'd file it under "entirely appropriate children's movie." I guess I should also say that cry at some commercials....

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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    So I'm wondering if others have had these kinds of situations come out of nowhere with a child suddenly manifesting an INTENSE emotional response to something that seemed like it should have been just fine.

    What happened? What were you thinking at the time (as a parent)? What did you do to help your child? Do you feel guilty or okay about it now?

    Well, OK. I thought of some things, but since we just rearranged our own behaviors so much, I kind of put this out of mind. Until DS turned 5, he could not stand it if his clothes got wet. At all. As in a few drops of water on his shirt or pants. He was scream "SHIRT WET!!!!! or PANTS WET!!!!!!!" and then he would remove the offending item(s). Wherever we were. Loads of fun in crowds. And, as I mentioned before, we just modified our behavior in such extraordinary ways to avoid the possibility of small child getting wet, and we carried spare clothes everywhere.

    Not anything we did, so we don't feel guilty about it, but definitely an inappropriate intense response to something that seemed like it should have been fine. He had noise OEs too.

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    LOL-- yes, well, I cry at books, tv, and movies, too. (Poor hubby thought "City of Angels" was a great date-night movie when I was about eight months pregnant and riding high on hormones. Yikes-- I was a blubbering mess...) DD is generally so solid, though. This was just "too real" for her because of individual quirky circumstance, I guess.


    Also laughing at the water. DD was like that as well. You're absolutely right about how much fun that was when we were out and about.

    Even at 11, she still tends to change when she gets the edge of a sleeve wet or something. I do more "clean" laundry, I swear...


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    I don't know, my boys did not read the book Bridge to Terabithia, but they saw the movie. The movie practically traumatized both! I had no idea they would have such a strong reaction. The oldest was seven and the youngest five, and I had never read or seen the movie, so I had no idea the girl died. We were on vacation and we decided to watch the movie in the hotel tv. Needless to say, the rest of the vacation was ruined. It took a couple of weeks for them to shake off the movie. That was the last time that we saw a movie that I didn't research online first. It was traumatizing to me...

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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    So I'm wondering if others have had these kinds of situations come out of nowhere with a child suddenly manifesting an INTENSE emotional response to something that seemed like it should have been just fine.

    What happened? What were you thinking at the time (as a parent)? What did you do to help your child? Do you feel guilty or okay about it now?


    Ah, yes, the Great Santa Debacle. Last year, my DD (then 7) was asking a lot of questions about the Big Three: the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa. I figured she was pretty much on to us. I had always said that if my kids straight out asked me if one of the Big Three was real, I'd answer honestly (unfortunately, I hadn't yet heard my friend's excellent advice to always respond "What do you believe?").

    So my daughter's getting into the car, and she asks out of the blue, "Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real?" I took a deep breath and told her. I don't think I'll ever forget the complete look of devastation and betrayal on her face. She kept saying, "But I thought you'd say yes, she's real!" From there it was a slippery slope--first the Easter Bunny, then, most traumatically, Santa.

    I actually posted about this on this board a few months ago: there was a time (maybe four or five weeks) when DD would cry about this every night, asking painful questions ("Why did you lie to me?") and saying heartwrenching things ("I feel like all of the magic has gone out of the world"). We talked a lot about deeper truths and everyday magic, and I think now she's okay. But, um, yeah, that was definitely intense!

    Last edited by jenner; 02/26/11 10:08 PM. Reason: typo
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    Oh my goodness! Same response to the same movie from my DD8. She watched it last year at a friend's house and we had to go and pick her up. She had trouble falling asleep and she was very moody for about two weeks afterward. She said that she just kept replaying the movie in her head and she could feel her heart hurting. She still can't talk about the movie without crying. I felt really sorry for her friend's mother. She tries hard to understant DD and really loves her, but this one left her shaking her head. She can't wrap her head around why DD was so upset for so long.

    The other over-the-top emotional response occurred when we moved in November. We had been talking about it for a long time and she helped us pick out the new house and was making plans for her new room. She seemed really excited. The last night in our old house, I tucked her into bed and she just lost it. She cried for at least two hours. What I could get out of her was that she had just realized that she would never sleep in the house again and that it was such an important part of her life. "This is where I grew my soul!" It has been three months and she has only just now acknowledged that the new house is beginning to feel like home. She cried herself to sleep for weeks.

    Funny how you never know exactly how they will react.


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    We pretty much swore off Disney films when my daughters were little. They were too "powerful". Actually, my HG dd11 still won't watch TV or a movie, but that's more about how she is wired than the content of the entertainment.

    You might check out Dove.org for movie ratings/appropriateness. The site lists a content chart and descriptions that gauge six criteria: Sex, Language, Violence, Drug and alcohol use, Nudity, and Other. It truly gives you every detail (the number of times it shows cleavage or a character uses "language".)

    And yes, although I can't remember specific examples, I do remember emotional reactions from my dd so "out of proportion" to the event that we were a little panicked. We didn't know what was going on. Now that she's been "identified" (and since I've been reading this forum smile we understand her so much better.

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    In our case, we know she is sensitive, but it's very hard to predict what will set her off. Charlotte dying in Charlotte's Web = fine. The Ingalls family leaving their house in the big woods and moving on to a new adventure = gallons of tears.

    DD is somewhat infamous for being the 5yo who became completely hysterical when read The Giving Tree at preschool. (I hate that book.) To this day, she doesn't like to even SEE the cover.

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    Two oops that stand out.

    1. At around age two DS was watching Pinocchio (Disney Version) and this bouncy never sit still for a minute toddler is on the couch literally sobbing - because Geppetto was swallowed by the whale. Same thing happened during Jungle Book when he saw Ka hypnotizing Mowgli. It stuck out so much because he was not a child who cried very much over things you would expect.

    2. Both DS and DD at ages 6 & 7 watch King Kong - new version. No one is scared but at the end they are both hysterical and crying because he died and can not get over how horribly he was treated by the people.

    I have two older children and I don't recall any incidents like this but of course they are no in their twenties so perhaps my memory is not quite up to snuff.

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