Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Needing encouragement

I don't post regularly, so forgive me for reintroducing myself. DS 8 is a DYS. DD 7 loves to play dumb.

Anyway, after a recent discussion with her teacher, I began to think we had to do something for her. DH agreed and so we are springing for time with her brother's tutor. Granted, only one week into things is early to give up, but she was horribly shocked and offended at the harder work. She said it made her feel dumb.

Why? The tutor gave her a list of upper elementary vocabulary words and had her look them up in the dictionary. Granted, it isn't exciting stuff on its own, but they are beginning a study of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and the tutor wanted to make sure that DD wasn't skipping over words she doesn't know.

(She does skip over words she doesn't know. Just like Mom....)

Anyway, she is 7 and is reading at a 7th grade level. Just a hair above where big brother was at this age. Granted, she may or may not jump 5 grades in the next year like he did, but still. She is obviously smart in her own right.

My question is this: Is it possible to fight the acting dumb instinct and transform my daughter into an achiever? I need to hear that someone has successfully done this. If so, I won't give up. If not, I may just have a tantrum of my own.

Mary

Wait a minute...Is she skipping over words she doesn't know, or is she getting enough of the meaning from the context that she doesn't really NEED to know the specific definition of the word?

I think the latter is what MOST fluent readers do. I generally only look up words if I can't figure out the meaning of the paragraph (not the sentence: the entire paragraph) without knowing the word. If I can kind of figure it out, I just keep reading.

I don't see a problem with a dictionary use exercise. And I'm all in favor of presenting a kid who's used to coasting with a challenge. But framing the exercise as a check on whether she understands EVERY word does seem to me to be kind of a misguided idea designed to make her feel dumb.

Am I off-base here? I know that's not the response you were asking for...

I was thinking that if I had to look up words in a dictionary, I'd play dumb too. LOL Isn't there a more fun way to improve her vocabulary? Games? Learning roots? figuring out roots from context? I guess I wouldn't judge her attitude toward learning based on one assignment that doesn't sound like much fun. Maybe the tutor could come up with something more playful to start and then as she got hooked, give her something more challenging.

Speaking of fun ways to learn vocabulary, someone on another list send out this link to a fun vocabulary game. My DD8 had fun playing it. It also helps to raise money to buy rice for the hungry.

http://www.freerice.com/index.php

Summer

Hi Mary!
Great to have you back!
((waving wildly))
I love hearing about your DD.
I think looking words up in a dictionary isn't the way to spark love of learning and trust in adults. Here's a link to the kinds of skills the tutor should be stressing:
http://officeport.com/edu/blooms.htm

Tell the tutor you want her as high up on Blooms Taxonomy as she'll go.

Remember the Tin Man - when his joints got oiled, he creeked. I do believe that we Adults have a responsibility to give a "Balanced Push" to our little fakers and underachievers, and yes there will be a loud creeky noise (tears and tantrums) when the mental joints start moving.

So plan for the Tanturms, fix dinner way ahead, get a playdate or special book for DS, have plenty of time for the big scene, ok?

((thumbs up!!))
You can do it. Fix yourself a treat for "afterwards." You are going to need it.

And yes, we went through this personally, and it's made a huge difference! Pass the hot chocolate, ok?

Love and More Love,
Trinity

This reminds me of several conversations I've had with my own kids! You say she loves to "play dumb". What if you explain that when she plays dumb the tutor thinks she needs this type of assignment.

My mantra for my kids is "show what you know". If an assignment is "boring" or too easy I encourage them to finish it as quickly and accurately as they can because this is the only way the teacher will recognize mastery. DS, especially, will balk at doing boring stuff even if it would only take him 30 secs.

Cathy

Here's a second for http://www.freerice.com/index.php ! I'm addicted, and yesterday DS6 asked if he could play again. We both enjoy it, and the fact that there are different levels is really nice so that virtually anyone who can read can play.

Fun AND charitable! Feed the hungry and feed your mind!

Sorry to digress...Back to the question at hand...

About the rice game: LOL, my seven year old played for about 45 minutes straight yesterday! I found it interesting that she didn't care about the vocabulary level, but paid attention to how many grains of rice she was responsible for generating!

It is quite a nice little device!

Mary-

I think it is quite common for the younger of two sibs close in age to "play dumb" to some extent. It's as if the younger kids feels she can't compete, and simply gives up and goes in another direction.

We have had many discussions over the years about ALL the kids in the family being PG. I keep telling them that they have individual strengths and weaknesses, but they are all in the same intellectual ballpark. I think they have internalized this pretty well.

My seven year old is more apt to march to her own beat and she is far less linear than her next oldest sibling. Sometimes it is difficult to get her motivated to do work that is not of her own choosing. She will spend hours drawing and writing creative stories, but often balks when I assign her writing. I try to go with the flow as much as possible, but I do insist on a certain minimum in the areas where she is less inclined to work. We are homeschoolers, so this is a bit easier for us to play around with things and see what works.

If your daughter is enjoying C. S. Lewis, you might look for the "Lion's Paw" website. It's rather simple, but my daughter loves it. Maybe she is looking for some feeling of control over what she is learning, or how she is learning it.

I'm not sure if I am being very articulate this early! I hope I have said something helpful.

best wishes-

Thanks for all the posts. I can't swear that it isn't just a coincidence, but DD returned to school this week and has dramatically improved her scores on math speed drills. And this morning, she was lamenting that she didn't rewrite the clues to her crossword puzzle for the tutor so that they were more legible. (The full assignment was look up words and then use them to make a crossword puzzle. The look up is still painful, but the overall assignment isn't as bad as I made it sound.)

I did have a talk with her about why she was getting tutor time, how we thought that she would enjoy doing something a bit more challenging because she is so smart. Maybe the math spurt wasn't a fluke. All I know is that she has never gotten more than 35 out of 50 problems on their timed tests. This week they moved to 100 problems and yesterday she got a 100.

I'll check into some of the resources you all mentioned.

On the dyslexia thing - I don't think that is it. About 90% of the time she had the right page in the dictionary and the word was the first or second on the page. She just didn't want to have to sit alone and do her work. Unfortunately, for the second time in 17 years, I had to work on a weekend and wasn't able to hover. Or maybe it is fortunate. I don't know.

As for skipping over words - yes, she does tend to pick up the general meaning of things, but following up on words is a good habit to get into. (OT - Saw a set that is supposed to be for SAT preparation yesterday. Books like Frankenstein, War of the Worlds, etc published by Barrons. Big words likely to be on the SAT were bolded and on the opposite page were defined dictionary style. No having to go get a dictionary - the definitions were right there. All I could think was that my kids would love that. I think vocab is all that keeps them from tackling higher level material.)

I just find it frustrating not knowing really where she is on the spectrum because of the playing dumb. I have always had my suspicions - and lately DH has been starting to agree. Maybe just maybe we have two PG kids instead of one.

Or then again, maybe she is a highly creative MG kid and her needs are being met better than I think.

Mary

Wow Mary,
That is quite a jump in the timed Math!
Do you attribute it to the tutor? If so what part of the experience?

I believe that when children cry and have tantrums it can be the outer sign of inner healing. Perhaps when you set her up with the Tutor that was enough of a "balanced push" to help her face some of whatever keeps her running for cover?

Either way Yippee for DD!

smiles,
Trin

The tutor didn't do any math with her, so I can only assume it relates to being told that she gets the tutor because she is so smart.

I do hope it is the beginning of a new trend....

Mary

Sounds like it could be that she sees the tutor as a reflection of her smartness, and increased her confidence. Or it could be that she saw that she CaN do more than she thought she could do, and she figured out how to tolerate the discomfort that does come along with some learning tasks.

I am with you that I hope this is a beginign of a new trend.

How many times have we heard "A school wouldn't deny special education to a developmentally delayed child based on their current performance, so why should they deny a gifted child's special educational needs because they aren't getting all 100%s or because they are behaving a certian unpleasant way?"

Even if your daughter never complies with an IQ test to her full capasity, if she can do above level work, that certianly suggest giftedness.

Smiles,
Trinity