Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What drives your interest in gifted issues?

I am here to try to learn more about gifted kids in general, especially 2E kids, to help my 2E DS6 (wait, now DS7!) and to also help myself understand him.

We are not a high achieving family at all. I was ID'd as ADHD and borderline MR in elementary school and shipped off to special ed. I received a very poor education in a room full of disruptive children. I was always the top of my class in behavior and academics (this is not saying much).

Eventually the school district took me back, but they resented me and never gave me another chance. I was the first person they suspected when anything went wrong (and there was no basis for this, I was too scared to even talk at school, let alone do something against the rules) and when I took achievement tests in 8th grade and scored post high school on everything but math (my weak area) and spelling (my other weak area) the district had the results struck from my record and said I must have cheated (on account of my low IQ and apparently the ease of cheating on tests where the exact test you get is random).

Eventually my parents paid to send me to the neighboring school district and I went from a C student to an A student and I took the SATs and qualified for early college entry. I graduated college with honors and found it all quite easy. I actually found it much easier than high school because there wasn't a lot of homework or busywork and I rarely had to do anything other than attend class, take tests, and write a few papers each semester.

Am I gifted? I have no idea. The only IQ test on my record says my IQ was pretty low at age 8. The test the school threw out gave an "IQ estimate" of 128. I guess I will never know and at this point it really doesn't matter. But my experiences certainly influenced how I deal with school districts and advocate for my son.

DS's father was ID'd as gifted in school and was in a pull out program. He was a good student and is excellent at math and went to college for a math heavy career. He definitely has issues, likely ADHD and/or ASD, but he was never diagnosed with anything as his mother is very defensive about such things. Oddly I don't really think he is very smart. He certainly is great at math, he can make an equation for pretty much anything, but conversationally he can't follow along well and he has a terrible memory, so I can't really talk to him about anything!

On to DS. He seems to have somehow gotten the best of each of us. And the worst! He has severe combined type ADHD, an iffy ASD diagnosis, and Tourette's. I think he might have gotten 2 different ADHD genes or something because he was hit hard. His dad and his dad's family have tics/TS, so we know where that came from. And the ASD? Who can really tease that out from the other stuff at this point? Especially with gifted thrown in.

But DS has dad's great working memory (I have 0 working memory) and my great long term memory (which dad entirely lacks). He has dad's great math skills, but also my verbal skills. He even seems to be pretty good at spelling (for a first grader) which is something dad is also good at. He picks right up on the words in his foreign language class at school (whereas I had to go for a BS in a field where everyone gets a BA because I can't learn a language to save my life, except sign, which I find easy to learn for some reason). He loves history (like me, dad hates it) and science (something we all agree on). His favorite subject at school is coding (which is like dad 100%).

Academically, so far, he doesn't really have a weakness. I still add and subtract on my fingers and can't memorize my times tables (or how to spell words like their and calendar, thanks spell check), but I still managed a 530 math on the SAT in 11th grade. Even though I feel terrible at math, I guess I'm more average (but still pretty embarrassed about the finger counting thing). I suspect DS will be able to surpass me at math very soon and in some areas he already has.

My biggest problem is probably self confidence. I am an anxious person in general and I still can't 100% convince myself DS is actually gifted. I wonder if he's just good at math, if the "experts" were right and he is just ASD with splinter skills, if he just benefitted from an enriched home environment, if he will start to have trouble when school becomes more abstract, etc.

We have had 2 IQ tests done and they both came in over the gifted cut off, but not really far above and his scores ranged from an 8 to some 19's. He is in a gifted school, but not really keeping up in reading or writing and I wonder if it's because he really shouldn't be there or because he has some hidden disability (or because he has ADHD which can cause difficulty with anything that requires sustained effort and attention.)

So, yeah, I am here because my family is a bit of a confused mess But mostly I am here because of the helpful people who frequent this board. I still feel like this whole thing is nothing but a pile of uncertainties, but I hear that is what parenting usually is.

I was tested and identified as HG+ as a kid and my parents are clearly gifted. DH has pretty severe dyslexia that was never remediated or accommodated because his mother didn't want him labeled, yet he somehow got himself through grad school. He is a very bright guy whose academic self esteem got wrecked by that experience.
When DS5 was about 2 I started reading this board because it was the only site I found where parents' voices really seemed to reflect my experience with DS. Interestingly, I found myself gravitating to the 2e posts before DS was diagnosed with dyspraxia/DCD. He has not been IQ tested yet, but seems obviously gifted. We will probably do that at 6 to figure out his "e's" out a bit better. Raising DS has made me reflect on the experiences of all of our family members, and what it means to go through school and society when you're not neurotypical.
I am on the board to reap the psychosocial benefits of a community who understands how amazing/complicated/intense/exhausting these highly asynchronous kids can be, and to educate myself about educational options and advocacy.

Good thread!

I have a DYS but I did not know that when I found this site. I knew DC was very bright and clearly ahead in skills but did not understand giftedness or LOG at all. (I am pretty sure everyone in public school "way back when" took the IQ screening test but no one had full individual IQ tests. I now believe my parents were somewhat misled by those results for my siblings and me.)

At first, I blindly trusted the educational system, but we soon started having issues of severe boredom and unhappiness at school. Although there were a couple teachers who really tried, in the end, that wasn't enough to overcome systemic problems (and a couple very poor teachers and admins).

So I came here time and time again, mostly to read experiences to get ideas on advocacy and what our educational choices really are.

I am very grateful to all of you who share.

It is great to read about everyone's experiences. I can't get enough of it. Excellent thread for sharing and feeling accepted.

Our family's journey started to take seed when DS5 was 3 and his daycare teacher mentioned if we ever thought about testing. I knew he was advanced but kept expecting things to "even out". He was an early reader. He decoded his first word at 18 months but he also shows OE's and emotional intensities so I was completely confused. So, I started researching early reading. I then learned about asynchrony and suddenly my little guys features started making sense. I found this site and forum and starting lurking for a while as part of this path to understanding. My first acceptance was when I read either an article or post (I can't remember) listing "unofficial markers" of giftedness where they said if you can't talk about the things your kid does, they are probably gifted. It was an eye opener for me and the first time I realized how isolated I really felt. This community is full of amazing, wonderful, exceptional parents and kids who share similar experiences and I am so grateful to have stumbled upon it. We are on a waiting list for a neuropsych which should be starting any day now. He is starting K in the fall and I have no idea how his features are going to translate into a large group classroom environment and the public schools are heavy into differentiated instruction only. No educator I have talked to has heard of a student being accelerated at all. Our journey of learning and advocacy and making hard choices has only just begun. Thanks again everybody!

My interest in gifted issues is driven by seeing the need to pass along what I have learned, to the many newcomers who are seeking information to build a knowledge base.

Ocelot, howdy - possibly you've seen this old post with a roundup of advocacy tips and resources?

CuriousKids - Possibly you've seen the roundup on acceleration (pros and cons)...
and on differentiation and other gifted-ed program and service buzzwords?
These may make interesting reading before your child begins K in the fall.

I have basically taken on a second career as gifted expert for my kids' sakes. I discovered there was a word for my eldest six years ago, although I knew he was very smart from the day he was born. I then discovered there are many levels of giftedness five years ago, and realised that there wasn't anyone whose child was a higher LOG to help me or give advice. So I've had to research everything myself. I desperately don't want my children to suffer the way I did, and my eldest is already ahead by being grade skipped once (so far, and hopefully another soonish). Now I'm working towards helping my youngest, who is a very different child to my high achieving, academic eldest.

I have known of this board for a bit, but avoided joining as I am outside of the US. I didn't think it would be of any use since it doesn't offer local advice. But since my family is the odd one out at my own G&T club I feel that being with likeminded families here, who understand what being PG is really like, is probably the best thing I can do.

This is all so interesting to read. I've been lurking on this board for about a year and a half now, since my then-15 month old suddenly and spontaneously counted to 10. It was that day I started to acknowledge that my daughter was a little different from most kids we know. I was surrounded by people telling me that my daughter would "slow down" and that all kids "even out" but I knew that couldn't be true. Reading this board has been hugely helpful to me as we get closer to school age and I think about how best to meet my daughter's needs. I don't know for sure that my daughter is gifted but it certainly seems like we're heading in that direction.

I was never tested but was placed in GT programs and cruised through school to a terminal degree. My husband is 2e and comes from a highly gifted family but despite his mother writing her dissertation about gifted children, he received no gifted education growing up. We're trying to do better by our own child and reading this board has been tremendously helpful for me.

The need for help is what drives my interest!!
Should we move elsewhere?
There is so much useful information within just this topic. Indigo has so many great links. I'll read them all but for now if anyone has the time to read my plight which I realize is a good one to have but is overwhelming me with indecision.

I'm not savvy with many abbreviations but I'll get there. My DS7 is a Davidson scholar mainly so my husband and I could ask for advice. We live in a small town
3 hours from NYC that has many wonderful charms once the summer crowds leave. There is only one school (pre-k-8th grade) and the kids and families are kind
and friendly and everyone has known each other since nursery since there is only one nursery to go to. My husband and I moved here from NYC when DS7 was an infant. We've been taking it year by year unsure if it was where we should stay since the year round life is somewhat limiting. In the passing years we've spent chunks of time in San Francisco, Chicago and Austin. And have spent time observing life in Brooklyn & DC where we have friends with young children.
Each time we think that maybe those "more to offer cities" are where we should be
until we return to this small town life and find the peacefulness and simpleness a relief to our son's nervous system and to ours. To a point that is.
The school has very generously appointed our son with his own math teacher. That teacher is fairly open minded and willing to teach the curriculum that we design. He would follow his GO math curriculum otherwise. So as grateful as we are to have him we do have to manage the work and homework so it remains engaging.
The school does not have a gifted program nor faculty experienced with gifted learners but it has created for us one period twice a week that they refer to as enrichment for my son and 2 other kids. He's given a session once a week with the school counselor another session with the speech pathologist and one more with the school psychologist. Those pull outs began when we realized how much more he connects when he's conversing one on one with adults as opposed to sitting in his classroom. The speech session and psych. session has him interacting with one or 2 other kids. Typically I'd be against so many pull outs but in our son's case they make him happy and frankly he's not really getting much out of his regular class. His reading class is somewhat of a joke but he reads so much at home we've become complacent after many unsatisfying meetings with his current reading teacher. The school is trying and the time they allot to our son I think is very rare for a public school but is it enough? Would he be better served in a gifted school or a progressive private school? Would he connect more to like minded peers?
He has known his peers for 6/7 years and considers them all his friends and they all are inclusive and engaging with him but he has no interest in spending any time with any of them. As the children mature they seem to be forming friendships as opposed to the whole class mentality and because ds7 has no interest in getting to step 2 with anyone they don't seem to either. I was so committed to helping my son connect to someone I held weekly playdates at my house only to find my son smiling and sitting alone doing a puzzle. He wanted the kids over but didn't want to play what they were playing. Too crazy, too loud etc. I tried every potential social circle in this town that might spawn a relationship but found myself feeling uncomfortable since I wasn't really connecting to the year round families that much.There were a few attempts on his part for a friend connection but it was short lived and sparked little interest. What really made it worse was the birth of my now DS2 and the arrival of an au pair. The thing about it and I hope I'm not in denial is that my son doesn't seem to care or mind that he doesn't spend time with kids when he's not in school. He's invited to parties, nah doesn't want to go. Would rather hang out with his family. Now that he's 7.5 I've backed away from talking him into playdates. We tried a couple different camp experiences hoping he'd connect but nothing. He connected mostly with the counselors.
He says he dislikes school because it's boring and he doesn't like being told what to do. He is never defiant and rarely expressive in school. It's seems like he's in a coping mode while he's there. In K he expressed dislike for all the craziness and loudness. There were 10 kids in his class and 2 teachers. I couldn't have imagined a less loud and crazy atmosphere.
My dilemma is this: Because my husband travels for his work we could potentially live anywhere. Where we live now is peaceful and safe and sheltered away from the competitive lifestyle of waiting lists and applications and high volume options
and choices. But where we are now has very little. Err, none really. We are a good 2 hours away from any actual culture.
I'm torn with staying within our small town life and continuing his home life enrichment and travel ( he misses school more than most) or relocating to a place where he MIGHT connect with a like minded soul and have resources available to him that are now being cobbled together with missing pieces.
Does that better living place exist?

I'm in a race to write this before my little one wakes.


Thank you for reading this far.
ANY IDEAS ARE WELCOME.

Welcome, Ethinx!

Here is the old thread on common abbreviations and acronyms.

Evidently an advantage to living a bit off the grid is that your school is not interested in forcing/contriving equal academic outcomes amongst all the school children.

Possibly a few of the teachers may be interested to join the free Davidson Educators Guild.

This may depend upon what your other options are. Here is roundup of links on school fit and choosing a school.

While failure to connect with other kids could be related to the lack of an intellectual peer group, kids often form connections with other kids based on common interests... they may have playground friends, sports team friends, etc. Although he may not be lonely at this time, you may want to be sure that he has the ability to make social connections. You might want to look at direct teaching of social skills (non-verbal cues, friendship, perspective taking, etc) and/or read up on the autism spectrum, just in case you may find that this applies to him.

This is an illustration of what drives my interest in gifted issues: seeing the need to pass along what I have learned, to the many newcomers who are seeking information to build a knowledge base.

Gosh you're good Indigo.
THANK YOU.