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We had an issue similar to this in science. DD9 wasn't yelling (yet), but was not getting along very well with her classmates. DD was grouped with about 3-4 other students during this subject and it just wasn't working out. DD did not mention any issues to us at home, but science happened to be her lowest grade. When I asked about science DD said she just didn't like it. Her teacher told me when they broke into groups DD ended up doing most of the work and was getting frustrated. After the teacher realized what was going on, she allowed DD and one other "bright" student to work together as their own little group instead of working in the larger group. I overwhelmingly thanked the teacher for being so observant and taking care of the issue before it became a problem.
I agree we can try to teach our children to be patient and monitor their emotions with appropriate responses when they have situations like this, but if all it takes is a change in groups or some other fairly simple solution, then the responsible person in charge, i.e. teacher, needs to make that call. They can't assume an 8 year old will be able to fix the problem or always maintain composure. In our case the teacher took control and fixed what was wrong. Good job "teach" - problem solved!
We had the first teacher conference since DD skipped from 2nd to 4th yesterday and this came up for us as well. No tears but it certainly isn't helping DD 'win friends and influence people'. Academics were all A+ but the social aspects are still in need of refinement we found in that regard at least.
We had a chat with DD about trying to put a filter in between the 'thought' and the 'deed' but I don't expect this to be something that she will be able to change overnight. Learning how to work politely with the less able is a 'Life Skill' that she will have to learn and better now than later so DW and I are trying to get this ingrained now, too.
I've heard back from my DD8's 3rd grade teacher that DD is speaking unkindly (yelling) to her classmates during group activities, and that's it's led to tears all around. The teacher has indicated that it may be because DD is bright and able to see things more clearly than her peers, and is "beyond her years academically." Any advice on helping her learn patience and compassion in dealing with kids who don't get it as quickly as she does?
Staceychev, you've received lots of good advice above - one thing I'm curious about, have you asked your dd what is happening? You have the teacher's perspective but I'm wondering if there's anything else going on that you don't know about - for instance, is a classmate taunting or making fun of her? How does she get along with her classmates at recess? Is it all group activities or just math (for example)? Is it all classmates or boys or girls or a group of specific classmates where the trouble arises? Does your dd realize she's speaking unkindly?
Interestingly enough, one of the best ways to teach empathy is also one of the best ways to develop self-confidence....struggle.
As has been mentioned, we all have our blessings and challenges, it's important we help our children relate their challenges to those of others. If our children aren't challenged in numerous ways, then we're doing them a huge disservice and setting them up for large scale future failure if not catastrophe. I think any frequent reader of this forum understands the importance of challenging GT children, not simply to keep them happy but to avoid the danger of our children not experiencing and getting used to struggle in their lives now that they’ll most certainly face on a larger scale later in life.
One other option that might help anyone with empathy and compassion is volunteerism. Spend time with your child volunteering for causes when others obviously struggle or lack in blessings that you and your child can help provide. Volunteering, seeing others struggle greatly, and being able to help them has a way of changing our hearts, humbling our souls.
Actually, I don't think it is so much an issue of teaching patience/compassion as teaching acceptable responses in the classroom setting. She may have to deal with annoying/exasperating kids (whether due to learning challenges or something else) in her group, if not currently, then at some point in the future. That kind of incident would have landed her in trouble due to zero tolerance at our school. It's great that your DD's teacher was so easygoing about your DD's yelling and her classmates' crying. For a 3rd grader, it may just be simpler to tell her that she may not yell at her classmates no matter how coginitively slow they are as yelling and causing other students to cry would get her labeled as a problem student.
... by way of role modeling, has this child seen the teacher yelling at the class in similar circumstances, and might this have influenced her choice of behavior in the described situation?
A pertinent youtube video, circa 1989, Rick Lavoie leading a workshop which helps participants (and viewers) walk a mile in our brother's moccasins by simulating the experience of having a learning disability. While the video may be difficult for some to watch in parts, his purpose in teaching patience and compassion shines through. (link- )
