Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Immature Gifted Boy - School Options?

Wolfson, if you had a kid who was healthy, but growing really fast, and who was taller and stronger than almost all of the other kids his age, would you consider not feeding him at all, or maybe only feeding him enough for him to stay alive, but not grow, in an attempt to "keep him with his age peers" and make it easier to shop for him in the children's department?

Why do we look at intellectual development any differently than we look at physical development? Depriving gifted children of opportunities to learn and to work hard while doing so has much more negative consequences than providing them with the level of pace and challenge that they are capable of. All of the research on acceleration shows that it greatly benefits children who need it. Those who are good candidates for it and don't get it seriously suffer in both achievement and self-esteem.

1st grade at 3rd or 4th grade math isn't as scary as it sounds. My 1st grader is doing a virtual academy and started the year with 3rd grade math. It took until halfway through for him to get to something new and slow down a bit. He is now a few units into the 4th grade math and we are definitely taking it slower - as we're finding he has forgotten some of what he learned earlier this year due to lack of practice (multi digit multiplication mainly).
I thought we'd never hit a point where we would slow down but it just naturally happened right about the midway point of 3rd grade math.

He is really enjoying the virtual academy and that he can go at his own pace - which so far means he completed all of LA, Science, and History for 1st grade as well as Math for 3rd grade. LA is still 'too easy' but he is enjoying it for the most part (except the composition parts but that's because he does not like to write!) and he'd do Science every day if I let him but I don't really want a 2nd grade in 4th or 5th grade science so we just read a of science books instead!

I think you say it best - you can try to 'go wide' if you homeschool, but spending a lot of energy trying to keep them fitting in a school system (when they never fit in the first place) seems like a dangerous waste of everyone's energy. Of course I did as you are doing, and didn't like what I reaped.

When the compulsion is replaced by a dull eyed stare, and the child says 'Is this what you want Mommy, I'm trying to please you' It kinda rips one's heart out.

Any families you've met from DD's school that would join you in an informal mini-school for their younger sibs?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

You and me both!!


I'll tell you straight up that if I had a way to talk to the parent of my five year old child, I'd tell her in no uncertain terms to stay AWAY from schools like those you've described...

sure, give the virtual school a shot, but don't let it have your soul.

KWIM?

I'd probably have kept homeschooling, honestly. Or maybe started again in middle school, three years ago.

Like Grinity says, I don't know that I can serve as much of an example. More like a warning to others.

Your son sounds somewhat like my DD at that age. It's a tremendous gift to kids like that to just let them BE WHO THEY ACTUALLY ARE. Will that gap continue to widen? Yes, perhaps it will.

But think about what that means in terms of a rigid, inflexible school placement, too:

every year that passes, the curriculum will fit less and less well. As that happens, the child's MG/ND peers will seem to be as happy and well-served as ever, leading a HG child to realize that there is something wrong, (it can't be the school/curriculum, since nobody else seems to have a problem with it-- so that leaves the problem being with themselves). This can give that child the sense of being trapped in a dead-end job with enthusiastic coworkers who seem to relish each day.

Please think about that. And, if you like, read my cautionary tale about perfectionism and my 11yo DD. We thought that we could "slow her down" too, and at least not continue to widen the gap. Well, it worked. Sort of. She's now WELL beyond most high school level material in literature and the humanities... and well into high school material in the physical sciences and mathematics... and she's never learned any study skills and thinks that she SHOULD earn 100% on every bit of graded work she completes, or she's a worthless failure, maybe even dumb. She's miserable and so are we.

Yes, this is very sad. But it isn't the point.

The point is that a GOOD FIT isn't just about how good it will be in five years. It's also about how healthy your child's self-image will be at that point. How much will he still love learning? Will he have learned that school is a place of punishment and rigid rules? Or a place of joy and learning?

If you have a way to let your son BE the very young boy that he is, and simultaneously feed his needs as a HG learner... do it.

The one thing that we've done right for our DD is to allow her to be the asynchronous creature that she is. Childhood is too short not to enjoy being a little child. Even if you also happen to be a little child who likes advanced physics or Shakespearean sonnets. It doesn't mean you can't play light sabers with the neighbors when you're ready for some down time.

Home education (full or part-time) allows for that kind of thing in kids that are REALLY asynchronous. It's a tremendous thing to be told "She's so-- normal." when people meet your gregarious PG child for the first time.

Oh, this describes my now 10 year old son very well. He is also extroverted, outgoing, loves to talk about everything, love to make people laugh. Ready for high level of input, maybe a little above grade level output. Our local gifted school is very much a bright/MG school and not really a great fit for HG+ kids. He went to public school for 2 years and that was quite disastrous.

We are now homeschooling and it's been great for my HG+, asynchronous kid(s). We do many outside of the house activities and live in an urban area, so he gets plenty of social. We are fairly laid back homeschoolers, but both our kids are wildly ahead of grade level and have plenty of time to explore far and wide. It's been a great fit for us. Both kids love learning and are learning how to face difficulties and challenges.

It felt like jumping off a cliff starting, but 3 years in, it was definitely the best decision. We'll see where the future takes us! We re-evaluate every so often.

Wow, this sounds so much like our experience. My DS was shouted at in school (private K) by a teacher too. We started homeschooling soon after and haven't looked back.

You see when we started homeschooling the whole giftedness issue wasn't an issue because I was clueless for the longest time. I pulled him out because he was miserable but I hadn't connected the dots about giftedness then. My 8yo is now breezing through 8th grade level work at home. He wants to go higher but I can't keep up so I'm keeping him at that level for now.

Asynchronous? Oh yeah! Only just learned to ride a bike. Still can't climb playground structures and he doesn't have physical disabilities. Not at all a nerdy type though he can bury himself in books (even literally so). Always laughing. Always making the silliest jokes. Can't look serious to save himself.

The bottomless well will get filled. Their ability to learn will keep expanding and expanding but you don't really run out of things to expose them to. For example, he outpaced my ability to teach science a long time ago so I found a tutor who works with college students and DS and tutor get on famously. They discuss not only science concepts but real-life stuff, office politics, work experience, math tricks, all in an age appropriate setting...it's awesome to watch them together. If you live close to a good college, bring him to their public talks and programs, visit museums, or just let him loose on the internet with parental controls in place...there's just so much to learn!

If you need to dicuss homeschooling I'd love to chat more. Wishing you lots of luck with this!

I would love to chat more about it! It was never really something I thought about, but it's seeming like it would be really good for our family!

PM me if you like Amber! Take care!

I just have to say, I keep coming back to this. It really hit home with me. Thanks for sharing, H.K.:)