my kids responded that way, too. I think some people may have thought we were nuts, but it worked for us. Even if they didn't completely understand the explanation, I think the idea that there WAS an explanation made them feel less out of control. It's pretty scary to have your emotions completely spin out of control, and at least for my kids, it helped to hear that it was reasonable to have the emotion and that there was a reason for the frustrating situation. It also, I think, helped ME not feel upset, helped me empathize, and therefore prevented my frustration or upset feeding into a tense situation.
We did work hard on ds6 from about the age of 2 to develop emotional literacy - we noticed he really couldn't handle anger. We started with the 'when your tummy feels upset and your shoulders are tense and your face feels hot, that's probably anger you're feeling..." sort of things. He's fairly articulate now, though he doesn't always know what exactly is bothering him. My recently turned 3yo has trouble with anger, and we haven't worked with him on learning to articulate emotions just out of parental overload. He tends to be ok until suddenly BOOM, he loses it and has trouble hearing ANYthing. Note to self...must do better on that one. he clearly needs help noticing and soothing building frustration before it swamps him. He can take the explanation if it happens BEFORE he explodes. He can take it when upset, whining, but there is a point it's too late.
