I hope I don't offend anyone, but I don't know where else to go with this question.

Some Background: In our city, none of the public schools will allow early entrance to Kdgn under any circumstances. However, if a student attends a private Kdgn, he/she can transfer to a public school as a first grader the following year.

DH and I always believed in public schools, but had a terrible experience with our ODD, who is HG. The public school had a rough time meeting her needs and refused to grade skip. Now our YDD barely misses the Kdgn. cutoff and is HG. It seems the logical way for us to avoid (at least in the short term) major school issues for YDD is early K entrance.

However, all of the private schools are very pricey.... So, can you tell I'm nervous about asking my question?...

We do not attend church regularly and would consider ourselves Unitarian. However, it would be a fraction of the cost to send YDD to a Lutheran school nearby. Has anyone done something similar? Do you feel like second-class citizens since you don't "belong" to the church? Is this a crazy thing to consider?

I don't have personal experience with this, but I've known a couple of families who've sent their kids to a private school affiliated with a church to which they didn't belong. Sometimes, even a different religion altogether. So, I don't think it's a totally crazy thing to consider.

I would imagine that as long as the tuition is paid, they're not going to turn people away simply because they don't belong to the church.

Of course, this opinion is only worth what you paid for it .

I can't answer for the situation in the US but in Australia it's very common to send children to either a private or independent religious school (the vast majority of private and independent schools here are faith based) without having any affiliation with that faith. I personally know quite a large number of parents that have done this with no adverse consequences. As JDAx3 has stated, in most cases it isn't an issue as long as the fees are paid, keeping in mind that the children are expected to practice and participate in the fundamentals of the given religion, at least during school hours.

I understand where you're coming from and from a personal perspective I would ask myself this question, and most likely other parents (carefully chosen so as not to offend), amongst all the others.

We have a variety of this problem, in that in the UK we have an established church (state schools have by law to have a mainly Christian assembly) and for historical reasons practically all private schools are also Christian (and are often behind with the recognising that not all their students are from Christian families, to boot). We're secular humanists and atheists. So we were pretty much always going to have to send DS to a school that would teach a religion we don't share. We dislike it, but not quite enough to homeschool just to get out of it, that being the only alternative! And DS is precocious in his consideration of such issues, and now more than capable of enjoying Bible stories, thinking about the moral and ethical aspects of what he's being told, while being quite clear that people believe different things. I was actually more concerned about his taking part in the nursery Nativity play (singing "Jesus is Lord" etc.) when he was too young to have completely sorted out fact, fiction, and people believing different things.

Of course our disadvantage of having no alternative is also an advantage: many people in the UK are in the same position and schools have to expect it. In your situation, TBH, I think I'd be asking the school. Nicely, of course, e.g. ask the head "we think your school is fantastic, and we think our DD would benefit from learning about Lutheranism, but we have to say that we aren't Lutherans ourselves. Is that a problem for you?" Point is that if you've asked "officially" and been told it's fine, it's easier to feel entitled to be there than if you just keep quiet and wonder, and if by any chance the school really doesn't want non-Lutherans as parents, you're probably better off knowing that and not sending your DD there!

Wannabe,

My children attended a Catholic School for one year. Not only did they allow earlier entrance into K they actually approached me after the first two weeks of first grade for DS to say they wanted to grade skip him to second! We moved and did not continue there but the public schools did honor his grade skip so for us the Catholic school was a great thing. There was no "second class" citizen feel to not being Catholic and the PTO was open and friendly to me as a parent as well.
Of course all schools are different regardless of affiliations etc. and perhaps you can find some other non-Lutheran parents to see what their experiences have been.
Good Luck!

Breakaway

DD went to a private Catholic school of preschool-1st grade. They allowed for early Kindergarten as well which our public school gave us a hard time about. We are not Catholic and never felt out of place. In fact, the school was so well regarded DDs class consisted children from many different faiths. She did have religion class twice a week and they attended mass every so often, but that was fine with us. I would talk to the school to see if they have other non-catholic families that attend and how big a role religion is at the school. I do know of another school in our area that has a division of church member families vs. others, which has created some friction in the school, so it may be an issue at other schools. HTH

Jen

My dd's school also haa a religious bent. The say they are non-sectarian. They do pray before lunch and have a weekly chapel. We have been a little wary of this but having attended some of the chapels, I find it pretty inoffensive. I think the school is trying to be inclusive even if our own religious practices are not recognized. Its not the battle we want to fight. The differences between school chapel and our church's doctrine gives us something to talk about with dd7 at dinner. For us, I think its good for her to realize mom and dad sometimes have different options from her school. I might be more concernted about this if the school chapel dealt with Jesus or salvation, but it doesn't. (The kids talk about this stuff in ways that wig me out, but I guess they must do that everywhere.)

Chrys

We are also Unitarian. I know a number of families from our church who've chose to send their children to various religiously affiliated schools in the area. In many cases, they've made the choice for academic reasons. We are in a urban, liberal area so the schools they've chose seem welcoming. The private school we were most seriously looking at our is our local Quaker school (Friends), which is especially known to be welcoming to everyone and the "chapel" they do is very simple.

I personally had a very bad elementary school experience at a small, very old fashioned Catholic school (I was raised Catholic), so I personally refused to even tour them when we were looking at schools. That being said, I know several families that had to pull out of local Catholic schools for academic reasons. It just depends on the school!

Good luck!

This is something that I do have experience with

My husband and I are not religious although we have looked into a Unitarian church in town. The public school that DS was assigned to ranks very low on test scores and from what I've heard is not a great school so we looked into private schools. We picked a Catholic school that seemed like it would work well for him. I got my first inkling of bad things to come when on his first day I overhead a kid asking the principal why it was raining outside and he said because God wants it to rain. I knew my son would question that to no end.

He didn't do well in that school and their attitude was because it was a private school they could kick him out at any time and didn't have to put up with his differences. When he started questioning God about the second week I was really nervous but luckily I convinced him to not talk about that at school. I knew that would cause even more problems. We weren't required to attend church there or anything like that but in the upper grades I think it's a requirement. It was a bad experience for all of us so I put him in a public Montessori for this year.

That being said I'm considering a private Episcopalian school for this coming year. They seem to encourage grade skips for kids that need them and they don't seem to focus on religion as much as the Catholic school did. I think that in my case I can overlook the religion aspect if the school is a good fit.

How do you feel about the religious aspect of it? I want DS to learn about lots of different religions so when he's older he can decide what he believes but I don't want him to be forced to believe a certain thing because he attends a certain school.

Also, if you put your kid in a private school and don't like it will the public school accept him into 1st next year?

99% of the private schools in my state have a religious affiliation, which is one of the reasons we opted not to send DS (or DD for that matter). They do attend church regularly (with my parents), but I felt that *I* would have issues - yes, sad, but very true.

Anyway, there are students who do attend these private schools that have different or non-religious backgrounds, though I live in the Bible Belt, so they are rare. But I don't think that there is anything wrong with putting your child in one.

Also, I don't know where you live, but some states do not have early entrance to K, but have a grade acceleration process once they start K. DS6 was lucky enough to be a part of this "highly secretive" process.

Just wanted to throw in that we are looking at a private, Episcopal school here in town. When we went to the Open House they mentioned that they have children and families from all different religious backgrounds and encourage diversity. This is actually from the school's website...

** School strives to develop the whole child in mind, body, and spirit. The spiritual aspect of the child is nurtured throughout the whole school, in the classroom and in various activities, by the caring of the teachers and staff in the children�s environment, in the way discipline is handled, and by the example of the teachers� and staff members� lives.

In addition, we give a great deal of time to more formal Christian education in Chapel and in Christian education classes, which are taught by Sisters, the Chaplain and other teachers who have both background and interest in this area. Children of all faiths participate and find Chapel and the classes to be interesting and to contain much that they can apply to their own lives in their own traditions. Furthermore, children from other traditions have enriched our classes with their own faith�s insights.

The ** community is very diverse -- culturally, ethnically, and religiously -- as are most Episcopal schools. All of our children and faculty participate in Chapel each week; say prayers in the classrooms and before / after meals; and at all school gatherings. In our Christian Education classes and chapel services, we are open to our belief that Jesus is the Savior. At the same time, we believe that God has called us to join the members of the ** community along their faith walk. This is a community called to nurture the whole child and to show them God's unending love without requiring them to believe in the doctrines of the Episcopal Church or any other church, denomination, or religion.

I feel okay about all that. And from what I have seen in my brief visits there and interacting with staff, I think that's pretty accurate. We happen to be Episcopalian, but I was not at all comfortable with some of the more fundamental religious private schools in our area.

Something to consider is that teachers cannot be denied employment at faith affiliated schools based on their own religious beliefs, so they are not necessarily all practicing the same faith as the majority of their students.

I sent my older DD (now 25) to a Lutheran school, although I am religious I am not Lutheran and I did not go to the church there. I was a divorced mom on little income and they worked with me on the costs to make sure she could go. Also, later when she entered public school in 5th grade she was a good 3 years ahead of her classmates, I say this because even though she is bright I don't know if I would say gifted.

I think the bottom line is the school will welcome you, help you with finances if needed, my guess is that they would more than likely work with you on DD school work if needed, even if you send your child there for a year and then go to a public school. That's just what most church affiliated schools do. Good luck and best wishes

WannaBeGTEduc and Kimck, We are Unitarian too! (The ironic thing we have found more friction between our UU community and the notion of sending dd to a private school, than say the private school's chapel program and our UU faith.)
If the school has a prayer book for chapel you may be able to borrow a copy.

Chrys

Interesting!? UU communities can be so different. Ours seems pretty laid back. I kind of expected a little flack when we started homeschooling, but we've gotten only positive remarks. We've even found several families there that are also homeschooling.

Our UU community also has many, many GT kids and adults which is really nice! I've had many good discussions about GT kid struggles there.

hey all
just wanted to throw in that we're also Unitarian, though i was brought up Episcopalian. I think its funny that it was mentioned that there are a lot of GT people in UU because when we describe what a UU service is like to those who are not familiar we say "a cross between a college political science lecture and church".. wow they do tend to be bright, and until i had my HG kids, didn't think we quite fit in, but always learned a lot there. Also it was funny that UU sunday school was the first place where my daughter was accelerated. She was three and I dropped her off at the nursery room and when i returned she was sitting in the next room with the kindergardeners learning about Thomas Jefferson and other famous Unitiarians. They actually asked me if i "minded" the switch which looking back is really funny.
I wish everyone could be so accomodating.
irene

LOL - sometimes DH and I joke that we forgot to read the required text after coming out of a "lecture" on Sunday, so I know just what you mean.

DS was actually accelerated in his RE classes early on as well. His first and only acceleration! I really love our RE program. It's been a great fit for both our kids and really rounds out homeschooling for us. They do art, tai chi, chinese lettering, music, story telling, drama, history, etc etc etc. All very dynamic and open ended.

I sent DD to the Jesuit school, because in the tour they said they did accelerate -- though they got a new principal since....

The community is great and I am doing the horizontal diversification with Mandarin and piano to make up the curriculum but what bugs me the most is the lack of physical actvity. The uniform thing is strict. For the simplest reason, they cancel recess and stay inside and watch TV. It is driving me and most parents up the wall but because it is considered a good school and difficult to get into, they don't care.

Anyway, sometimes the odd thing can get at you. We are looking at other options for next year, but this thing I wouldn't expect. I do not think it is good for a 5 year old to spend 8:30 to 2:45 inside. My opinion. But after the Montessori preschool where they thought it was important and always took the kids out unless super cold or raining, I think the Catholics are a bit ridculous.

On another note. Since DH and I were raised Catholic, though weak on the practicing part. We thought it was a good idea to teach DD religion, like another subject. They do take care of that. DD took a prayer card, of Christ standing on a cloud, out of her grandfather's missle and asked if it was Jesus or Zeus. So the knowledge of knowing who's who can't hurt.

Ren