My 12-year-old 2e daughter has started to come out of her shell socially which is good, but we are now confronted with the stark reality of just how little age-appropriate skills she has.

She is extremely gifted intellectually, has Sensory Processing Disorder, on the edge of the spectrum, and ADHD. Her school accelerated her so she is an 8th grader. She has an 'adaptive' IEP to help with transitions and organization. Her aid keeps her on task and helps her get stuff written down on her planner and stay organized. Last year she was very successful in class. But was literally in her own little world. She could relate to adults and her 4-year-old sister, but not to peers. This year, she has grown quite a bit, starting to go through puberty, and suddenly she is trying to engage classmates. She gets in their personal space, 'boops' them on the nose, makes loud odd noises to try to make people laugh, and says bizarre things class trying to be funny. She also suddenly has focus troubles during study hall times.

The school is freaking out because this new behavior is much more difficult for them to manage. We sort of think this is her trying to be more social, more out of her shell, but she has no idea how to relate and react appropriately with peers.

We are trying to set up something through school, but maybe a 2e camp would help her this summer. Any advice, suggestions, input would be appreciated.

You may want to consider a social skill group. Many places offer psychological counseling also offer social skill groups. They all have different focuses. But I am sure some of them deal with exactly the kind of things you are talking about here. Your DD's pediatrician or other doctors should have recommendations. Is she under the care of a psychologist?

The one in our town hasn't allowed us to join because they only take kids that have Medicaid. It has been a frustration.

We already pull her out of school early for OT exercises and therapy. I'd hate to have to drive her hours away to get to another group.

Our Area Education Agency is recommending we get her into our ACES mentoring program which would pair her up with an 11th or 12th grader once a day during success time, where they would talk about life and check on their missing assignments.

There are many resources for helping children learn social skills, and they may be readily used at home with parents providing plenty of context and discussion about application of the ideas, as they go through the process of teaching their children.

Here is a brief roundup on direct teaching of Social skills (body language, friendship, etc)
- book: 100 social rules for kids (hat tip to sanne)
- direct teaching of non-verbal cues
- direct teaching of friendship
- direct teaching of perspective taking
- link to an article on the Davidson Database, Tips For Parents: Gifted Children's Friendships
- post with roundup of articles on friendship

I cannot believe that the only social skill group they have in your town only takes children on Medicaid. I am totally spoiled by living in a large suburban area with many choices.

Indigo is like an encyclopedia of all kinds of resources.I am sure you can learn a lot by following her links.

I also wonder whether you can organize some sort of an unofficial social group. My son goes to one where they just play board games together. They somehow create situations that the kids are challenged socially. The idea is to learn to accept certain discomfort and to deal with it in a more acceptable way.

Thanks for the resources. I live in rural southern Iowa. If we drive to Des Moines or Iowa City there are lots of options. But locally, only one.

I will check into these sites. Thanks.

We took her to a doctor the recommended she go to a child psychologist that specializes in 2e kids going through puberty. Bad news... long wait.

Information available at these resources may be of help to you in the meanwhile:
- SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted)
- 2e Newsletter
- Understood.org
- Davidson database
- Wrightslaw (advocacy for disability & special needs, including 504/IEP)

... and books:
- Great Potential Press
- Prufrock Press
- free spirit publishing
- Magination Press, American Psychological Association (APA)
- Royal Fireworks Press

You may wish to keep a private log or journal of your observations of what is occurring, and interventions the family and/or the school have tried. Becoming familiar with information offered by resources such as those listed in the brief roundup above may help you in determining what to write.

Glad you are working with the school. They should re-evaluate her and add social skills instruction to her IEP.

Does she have any friends (or cousins) near her own age? Lots of supervised play dates organized around a common interest. (I found a potential friend for one of my socially awkward kids on a local Facebook parents' group.)