So, (not so) brief background:
DS is 6y11m and in 1st grade in a STEM charter school. We chose to go there and stay with age/grade level vs a possible grade skip in the public school because our PS district is severely lacking in resources and, despite having good intentions, we didn't feel that they would be able to provide a good environment for DS.

Last year, in K, we had an ongoing discussion with his teacher the entire year re: all kinds of issues with adapting to the classroom (climbing around, rolling on the floor during 'circle time', not making close friends, issues with anxiety, etc...) but the teacher was very responsive and willing to try things out in the classroom. For about 1/3 of the year DS went up to 2nd grade for reading and math. He loved it for a while but eventually started melting down in the mornings, not participating in class, causing disruptions and basically just shutting down. In November of last year I sent an email requesting an evaluation to see what was going on with him. They responded by 'observing' him in the classroom a couple of times and decided to wait and see as they thought he was 'adapting' at that point.

Now he's in first grade and the same issues have continued. He doesn't interact with the other students on his own very often. He is acting up frequently and has been sent to their 'out of the room' break numerous times already. He has been kicked off of the bus for three days once this year (for 'crawling on the floor') and just generally doesn't seem to be 'adapting' as well as they thought last year. His teacher has been quite concerned and we have had two 1 on 1 conferences already this year (outside of the regularly scheduled ones). At the last conference she (and the other 1st grade teacher) just about broke my heart when they told me that they had "been losing sleep" over DS because he "didn't seem happy" and that "he looks like he has a huge weight on his shoulders".

This year the school assessed his reading leavel at an early 2nd grade level (almost exactly what they assessed last year) despite the fact that he reads 6th grade level science books to me at home. They also had him do the NWEA/MAP tests in reading and math (they don't usually test until 2nd grade) and he scored in the 96% for first grade in math and 99% for reading. I was thinking that this was a bit lower than I had thought, considering what I knew he could do at home. But before I said anything, the teacher told me that the aide who was accompanying him during the test was surprised that he scored that well because he was "all over the place" and had to be "constantly redirected" and was even under the table at one point.

Last week I finally convinced DH that we need to stop waiting for the school to do something and have someone try to figure him out so that we can start helping him. I managed to get a last minute appt with a child psych in town on Thursday. She, like us, seems to think that we are looking at some mashup of ADHD vs anxiety vs Aspergers- all complicated by an as yet untested, but obviously high, IQ. We have another appt with her in a week and a half for more testing.

Now, the day after I finally brring him in to a psych, the school calls and wants to set up a meeting with the special ed teachers to discuss what his needs are. I don't know if they're looking at setting up a 504 plan, wanting to do testing, just wanting to 'play it by ear' again, or what. I don't like going into anything blind and I ALWAYS prefer to have done my homework first. Anyone been in a similar situation? Have any ideas on what to expect? What to come armed with? What stumbling blocks to look out for? I appreciate anyone's thoughts and the chance to just vent a little.

The outside testing is a good idea. The behavior you are seeing does sound potentially Aspergerish to me; I hope your tester is going to do the ADOS and other tests that would specifically look at social cognition. You may want to find someone with real expertise in autism spectrum disorders to differentiate between that and ADHD, which a general practitioner sometimes finds difficult to do.

As for the school, if it's like ours, there is first a meeting ("building plan," used to be called IAT, sometimes now called RTI meeting) where parents and staff see if they can improve things without going to a 504 or an IEP. That may be their agenda. Or maybe not. It's okay to ask them what the agenda for the meeting will be and who will be there. (See my other posts today about RTI.)

I think there's enough going on that you'd be wise to request-- in writing-- a full educational evaluation from the school, which they would have to do (even if you have private testing) before they can proceed with an IEP. You want to get some data to work with, and that evaluation should get you some. Mention in the request letter everything you've ever seen that's concerning, whether or not it's academic-- social skills and participation skills and organization and following instructions are all part of education. You can share your outside tester's results with the school or not, as you choose, but this way the whole enterprise of figuring things out is moving forward.

My take is, no matter how gifted he is, if the behavior is holding him back, the behavior has to be addressed first; once that's in place, everything will be easier.

DeeDee

So yesterday he comes home with yet another sheet from an outside of the classroom break. He wrote on there that his behavior was "giving the wrong anwers on purpose". The teacher added that this was the reason for the initial in-the-classroom break but that he was then sent to the out-of-class break because he was 'not taking it seriously...smiling...playing with things near him, etc..."

My first thought is 'what are they "teaching" that he is purposely giving wrong answers to?' It turns out they were doing something called "Word Play" and it involved the teacher saying a word (i.e. hat) and the call responding by breaking it into sounds (i.e "huh-AT")or vice versa where she would pronounce the sounds and the class would say the combined word. If this is accurate then I'm not surpprised that he was acting up. This is the kind of thing that interested him at about age 2.5

The second thing is the idea of 'not taking it serously' in re: to his punishment. I am guessing that he is finding it hard to take much of anything seriously with regards to school right now because it hasn't actually involved any real WORK from him as of yet.

Lastly, and most, concerningly to me, is the fact that when I asked DS if he likes this particular activity he told me "yes". I asked him why, if he found it boring and was getting introuble, that he lilked it. He told me that it was because he "only likes easy stuff" and that he doesn't like "anything that's hard". I'm really afraid that his sense of self is really getting skewed by this school experience and I'm not sure how to address it without sounding bitchy. Any thoughts?