My son turned 3 a couple a weeks ago and b/c the way his birthday falls he is in the 2 y.o. Mother's Day Out. He is an only child and this is our 1st MDO experience. The teacher has made a few comments about my son's smarts that have rubbed me the wrong way, but today's comment really shocked me. Today she told me that my son was "too verbal and beyond his years in reading" and "don't teach him ANYTHING else". She added "he will be bored in kindergarten". She said these comments in a nasty tone and was very curious if he had any playmates his age outside of class and said that he needed to "concentrate on play". My hands are shaking as I write this b/c I am so furious and at such a loss on how to make this lady understand that he does exactly the same thing outside of class as in (play). He has lots of friends of all ages including his own. I don't teach him and I don't understand how he does it, but he's taught himself. Is the teacher intimidated by him? He seems to have a lot of fun and really enjoys playing with his friends there. I don't want to pull him out mid-year, but should I be looking for somewhere else? Should I talk to the director? Should I ignore the teacher's ignorance and hope a new teacher next year will be more enthusiastic about his thirst for knowledge? This teacher also has expressed irritation at his "constant barrage of questions". Have you gone through anything similar?

I remember one of my kids being in the YMCA childcare room with his age mates and he seemed much, much older than them.

If they won't move your son up an age group I'd switch him to a different place.

BTW - I think the teacher is way overstepping and I would be very upset too.

OMG - are you sure your child didn't have the same teacher mine did??????? That is TOO eerie!!!! My son's Montessori teacher told us the EXACT same thing when he turned 3. He was already reading and has always been very verbal. He brought a book in to read to her because he was so excited about the book and I about fell over with anger when I heard her response to him- she said that I should no longer allow him to read at home, that he was way too advanced and that he would be "bored in kindergarten" and that I shouldn't allow him to move at the speed he does. I was totally blown away. My poor kid for the next several months was AFRAID to go check out library books because of this moron - he was afraid his teacher would get upset at him again for reading....ever since that moment my son's interest in books NEVER went back to the excited state he used to be in when he was younger. She made other moronic comments all along the same lines over the rest of that school year and I completely REGRET that I never confronted her about it or spoke to the director. I know that my son would have a totally different outlook on a lot of things if I had expressed myself and advocated for him...instead I decided to remain low and try to meet his needs at home. I know that the way he was treated that year made a huge impact on many things and I wish I had handled it differently. Oh sad that many of us have run into teachers like this!

I'd certainly talk to the director if you find the director a reasonable person. This teacher sounds like very bad news at the moment, but you say your son is happy there so I'd hesitate to move him or even move classes. This is the key thing to make sure the director understands: "I don't teach him and I don't understand how he does it, but he's taught himself." I'd go to the director saying that, and saying that you're considering moving your son but don't want to, and ask the director to have a word about the diversity that exists among children!

I remember hearing that particular brand of philosophy about raising children so they wouldn't be bored in Kindergarten back when I was in college a couple of decades ago. It comes from ignorance about the subject and from an institutionalized mindset of making things easy on the teacher because none of the kids are a challenge to keep engaged.

It probably won't be the last time you hear something that rubs completely against what you know to be best for your child, but since this woman is in a place of authority over other children - and if you are willing to risk losing the use of that facility if they get mad and ban you - you could definitely escalate on this with the director. She overstepped.

This struck me b/c this is EXACTLY how it is/was in our house. People would say "what did YOU do to him", and I would reply, "if I did anything, you'd see me on TV, as I would be a millionaire because of my teaching methods".

DS7 (well, 7 on Saturday) was able to play fine with all kids, and he still is. He was more advanced academically, but it never became an issue until an adult made it such. I wanted DS moved up, but in the end, it didn't matter where he was. He enjoyed it.

Your DS is enjoying his time. So, I wouldn't necessarily ask to have him moved. BUT, I would say something to the director. 1, the teacher has NO right to tell you what to do with him outside the classroom. And 2, as a teacher, it is her JOB to answer the questions asked by the students. If she doesn't like the differences in her kids, then she needs a new job!

Kids, like adults, come in all sorts of shapes, colors and intelligence levels. And a good teacher, especially for that young of a child, will adapt to her ENTIRE class's needs.

I love the 'see me on TV' line. But yes - lots of people assume we are 'doing somthing' (and something bad!) to make our kids read in preschool. And we have to face the reality that lots of parents do in fact do something bad (flash card itis!) to make their kids 'sort-of' read. So even though this teacher is being super rude, most of the time her advice is actually correct.

I would be shaking too, and I would sit down with the director - explain that you aren't doing anything - cry a bit at how attacked and unsupported you feel - and see what comes of it. I would be loath to leave my kid in a room with an adult who sees the world in such few shades of grey and is wrong about such a large part of his reality. Being wrong isn't a big deal if the person sees a lot of shades of grey because they will self correct, or correct with gentle pressure.

As for 'asking too many questions' I heard similar things regarding my DS. It probably is a compination of the number of questions, the fact that most of the questions are not easy to answer, and, if your DS is anything like mine, the intensity that DS uses when he askes those questions and rejects any attempt at doging the answer! There is the rub!

It actually isn't the job of a teacher of 2 year olds to answer questions. I think the placement is the fault, not the teacher here. She has a reasonable expectation that the kids in her room will act like normal 2 year olds. You kid is not only 3, but hardly a 'normal' 3 year old, as compared to usual normal 3 year olds.

It's actually well meaning to ask, "What will this kid do in Kindy?" Even though she askes in a rude and attacking way, you are staring down the barrel of a nearly unsolvable question. If only it were as simple as you 'stop teaching him.'

((cue music: 'The Harper Valley PTA' song)) and call the director!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

I was talking with a friend who is a middle school teacher about how I always try to answer DS 4.5's endless questions and he said its actually the key thing to do and the root of so many other problems because what happens after parents, other adults or teachers of young kids tell a kid they ask too many questions - they stop asking - and then you end up with kids who passively accept only spoon-fed information, and aren't interested in discovery or learning!

Ours DCs may ask A LOT of questions and do it fairly intensely ;)- but all preschoolers IMO - even normal 3s - should be asking and the teacher should be answering them!!

DeHe

I'm going to veer off-topic here (my apologies to the OP), but . . . really? Is my child just in a very unusual preschool? Admittedly it's a room of 2.5 - 3 yr olds, but each day is FULL of questions, answers, explorations of how the world works, asking the kids questions to get them thinking ("What is ice? Why does ice melt into water? Which do you think is going to melt faster, the big block of ice, or the little ice cubes?")

My town is lucky to have an awesome Early Childhood Education program at the community college, so preschools here are flooded with well-trained, enthusiastic teachers. But even if this sort of thing isn't "normal" for teachers of 2-year-olds, it seems like it should be. In other words, it IS their job, even if most of them aren't doing it.

My kid (middle one) tied other kids' shoes together in circle time in Kindergarten.

Looking back, it's no wonder that the teacher wanted him tested and placed in gifted.

I may be guilty of assuming too much about the OP's situation, but she says it's a Mother's Day Out program. I would guess the quality of the program is probably comparable to the childcare room I used at the YMCA. Safe, pleasant, but not in any sense a "school" and refering to the staff as teachers was more of a pleasantry that a professional title.

Although I would be shocked to hear an employee say it that way - "It's not my job to answer childrens' questions" - I think in practice you could argue that is true. In a 2 y.o. room they are still changing diapers and making sure the lids on sippy cups are secure. Not only is the OP's child very advanced, but he's older than the other children. It's not realistic to expect a MDO program staff memeber to answer all his questions. Just to keep him safe and happy while mom runs a few errands.

In programs I have chosen for my children on the basis of the educational environment they provide (as opposed to convenience) I have always found a huge degree of self-selection going on and the other children have tended to come from very good home environments and many were extremely bright. My expectations for those schools were very different.

More info. about the school: It's NAEYC accredited and the only school I found in my town that offered to make his room peanut and tree nut free. My kid is also anaphylatic to milk. They have bent over backward to accommodate him and the parents have been wonderful in letting me know what kind of treats they will bring in so I can make something similar for my ds. I don't think there is anywhere else in town that could keep him as safe as this school has. I slept in my car overnight to get my kid into this school. They have 1-year olds-pre-K, but don't call it preschool until they are in the 3 y.o. class. So you can see why I'm hesitant to stir-up possible trouble. This teacher has been there for a long time and is a member of the church. The director seems to be one class act though.
Questions/Comments: 1. I saw the Montessori school comment. Aren't Montessori schools supposed to encourage learning at your child's individual pace?
2. I do regret not trying to put my now 3 y.o. in the 3 y.o. class. I don't know what's covered in a 3 y.o. class and if my son knows these things already or not. He could be suddenly put in a new environment mid-year and would be away from his newly made friends. I don't know how he would react to this if at all. I didn't realize how seemingly babyish the 2 y.o. class would be. My heart sunk at the beginning of the year when I saw those large knob puzzles. My child is doing much more complicated jigsaw puzzles. A funny and surprising moment was when I came in during free-play and saw my ds with the class gathered around attentively listening as he read a story aloud. The kids in the class, even the ones with birthdays close to his, are barely intelligible and their sentences have few words. Should I try to get the director to sit in on class to observe him if I try to move him up either this year or next?

Now I can see why you don't want to stir up trouble!
I think you should visit the school and see what the 3 year old room looks like (and the 4 year old room while you are at it) and do ask the director to sit in on class. That doesn't seem like alot.

As for a midyear move - I think alot depends on the personality of the kid. If you kid makes 'friends' easily at the playground then I can't imagine it would be a problem. Afterall, at this age what passes for 'friendship' is hardly what we adults think of as friendship. But I come from an unusually extroverted family, so perhaps I'm not the best to get advice from. If you want to 'stack the odds' then get a kid from the room your son will be entering and invite him over for a playdate on a weekend. Repeat 3 more times with different kids if you are nervous. That might be all it takes so your son doesn't have to walk into a room totally 'fresh.'

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Sorry to hear you are going through that right now. Some people just don't understand our children. It can be so sad and frustrating. That woman is the opposite of everything you would want for your child. I am sorry. I am sure you will eventually find the right environment. It is great that he seems happy there, but he could change. My DD4 started "dumbing herself down" (sorry if that sounds awful) at school so that she fit in in preschool and is just starting to share more of herself with people. It will get better. It seems preschool can be a tough time for kids who are very advanced.

Hi Anna, I'm no expert on this (maybe someone else will chime in) but a just turned 3 y.o. reading is really quite unusual. Like, remarkably unusual. I'm bringing this up only because I get the impression from your quote that you are considering the possibility that the 3 y.o. class curriculum might be too advanced for him. If I've misinterpreted you, I apologize. But if your son is reading books at barely 3 I don't see how there can be any question that the 3 y.o. class is more appropriate for him academically (obviously the best placement with regard to the whole child is your call).

I have a son whose birthday is 21 days past the cut off in my area. We've always had him "ahead" a year (really only 21 days) and it's allowed us to avoid a lot of difficulties.