I'm curious about people's TV rules for very young kids.

Recently some people (elsewhere) indicated that they allow TV only when their kids are *also* playing. If the kid stops playing, the TV goes off. This is the opposite of what we do... if the kid's interest flags, the TV goes off.

What do/did you guys do and why? (I'm leaving out my opinions till later, cause I want to see what you guys think before I say anything

We don't watch much tv. The occasional movie or documentary or 30 mins here or there. I would rather DS do something else. If it is on though it is to be watched, if he is playing I would rather him play.

We do one 30 min show before to get the boys to sit. Then, occasional movie nights. I found my older son at 2 (now 5), would fight me to turn off tv if on. I just stopped turning it on. I would rather they do something else.

My two never really sat still long enough. They had a couple of favourite shows but I never really had to set limits. Now they're 8 and 10 and are only just getting to the point where they'll sit through a movie. (Ah, the hidden blessings of ADHD). ;p

Very, very little for DS4. Preschool shows a video on Friday afternoons for the "extended day" kids, when Grandma is babysitting she'll let him watch a bit so she can get a break, but on average, I'd say, less than 60 minutes a week.

When he was younger,we were occasionally tempted to turn it on so we could get things done, but now he can generally find things to keep himself busy.

My kids (8 and 4) watch TV on weekends. Specifically, we let them get up at 7:00 and watch PBS while we sleep in. They typically watch 4 hours on Saturday and Sunday, but often some of that time is spent playing without really "watching." I still feel like it's too much, but DH and I really need the time on the weekends, and it's the best solution we've found.

Interesting so many comments about time. I *think* the source of the "only while playing" rule has to do with this focus on how much time a kid is spending watching TV... I think those parents somehow think it counts less if the kid is doing something else at the same time. Others have talked about using it as a way to get time off direct childcare.

I don't know how much time my older son spends watching TV. I know it's more than most people here describe. I've specifically stopped timing it and started focusing more on the hows and whys and whens. About 75% of his tv time is spent with both of us watching and not doing anything else, which I think is very rare...

We've had a specific problem which involved a kid who really can't entertain himself very well without 1 on 1 attention... and I've actually been using TV time sometimes to prepare things to help him LEARN to entertain himself (stuff that's just in his incredibly minuscule zone of proximal development, is my theory)

What rules do you guys make around the *quality* of TV time?

We have never owned a TV. It was a lifestyle choice, and I haven't regretted it, although I recognize that this extreme of a choice won't work for most and pass no judgment on anyone who enjoys a TV at home. It's just what we chose, and I still love not having a noise box in the house.

With the youngest, the access to inane entertainment started earlier thanks to cable Internet and Hulu, etc., but the two older kids survived their childhood without access to videos except by DVD on the computer once that technology arrived. But even with our youngest, watching a video had to be an active choice while sitting in front of a computer. I agree with you that only letting a kid watch TV while playing something else is actually setting them up to not be able to focus on a single activity.

We have a tv that was not watched for the first 21 months of my dd's life. We don't have cable. We started to watch tv as a family when dd was 21 months. She was ready to watch movies in one sitting as we found out soon. Since then, we have watched many movies together the first time. Dd likes to watch the same movie many times. So we let her watch on her own with us sitting for a portion here or there. Dd is 3.3 yo now and watches pbskids on Netflix by herself. Overall, we watch 3-5 hours of tv per week.

We allow DD to watch TV and if we let her she'd watch it for hours on end attentively (not something we allow regularly but when she's sick or we are it's happened). As is, TV is one of her few sources of native English speakers beyond myself and I definitely see her picking up a wider vocabulary from it, so I'm not one who sits in the TV is evil camp.

Like you, if she's messing around the TV goes off. I don't really understand the purpose of having the TV on if you're playing with another activity? It seems like it would be better to give your full attention to that activity than split it. Now, we do get a constant stream of questions during most shows but I see that as a different than actually playing with a doll or something.

As for content, it depends. Sometimes it's typical kids shows but other times we'll let her watch documentaries/science shows with DH. We also put on youtube videos of various sports that she would otherwise not get to see in person (e.g. ice skating, gymnastics etc).

I am a bit of a hypocrit on this topic which I freely admit. I watch a lot of tv - because I read a lot, and read for work, I find tv relaxing and a change of pace. For DS it has been interesting how things change. We kept DS from tv until 2 maybe 2.5 and then introduced PBS and nick jr with no more than an hour, which is what i think Sesame Street is. I found it disturbing at that age to watch how little kids would be so intent it was like they were struck dumb. I used it as a babysitter with learning potential so I could get a break. However things changed as I noticed that kids who watched more than DS their imaginative play seemed governed by the shows. DS's wasn't. Between 3 and 4 he made those massive cognitive growth leaps that so many of our kids do and this is where it got tricky with tv - DS got desperate for it - raging if I turned it off and this was a kid who rarely tantrumed. I realized that he was desperate for input and tv was the only new he was getting at the speed he needed. Once I started bringing in books in massive volume the desperation for tv eased. Now at 7 I am the one asking him if he wants to watch. We tape two shows in the kid cartoon realm cyber chase and word girl. And then also a lot of science shows. However, DS can take it or leave it. He absolutely prefers reading and his own imagination and I attribute it to not doing too much tv at a young age. When we are on the plane and he can watch Cartoon Network for the whole flight (or until we freak out by what he is watching) he is hysterical with laughter but he never asks for it at home. From what I gather from friends and from this site we are pretty lucky in that he accepts limits on tv, iPad, computer or whatever. But not on reading or on new books. Taking away his horrible science books is like locking him in a closet from his perspective.

So from my perspective DS has the right balance - tilted heavily toward books and imaginary play. He is already separated from his peers by his interests but he has enough due to the Star Wars adiction so he does have shared currency.

DeHe

We don't have a TV. My husband and I watch some mental bubblegum occasionally (e.g. Top Chef, Breaking Bad) or MMA on download-- about an hour each week. I don't see us buying a TV anytime soon. Most programming is poor, and we prefer to read the news. We occasionally nip down to the gym to work out and watch a period of hockey or football while exercising.

Our son is only 15 months old, so we still have yet to reach an age where pop culture is social currency. I can see us watching live sporting events as a family as he gets older, introducing a classic cartoon or two, and expanding into more educational programming as his maturity allows. I'd love for him to develop an early love of britcom like I enjoyed. I can't imagine keeping him away from the great satire of the early Simpsons, Monty Python, Yes Minister, and Fawlty Towers. Ditto for favourite movies. I think a well rounded person needs humour and light entertainment to balance more serious pursuits.

In truth, we do have screen time now. Every day, we spend a few minutes (e.g. 5-10 mins) watching something like animals, machines, vehicles, or live musicians on youtube on an ipad. I sit with him to make it a shared activity in which we are fully engaged.

If I can summarize my philosophy around screen time-- for adults and children-- it's deliberate consumption. If we watch something, I want it to be because we love the content. There are many shows and films with cultural, comedic, educational, and artistic value, and I plan to make these available to my son when age-appropriate.

One of the reasons I LOVE watching Downton Abbey on the PBS iPad app - you cannot multitask and keep up. It requires full attention.

I admit, our tv is almost always on. Both boys have learned extensively from the tv shows (mainly PBS and some shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime). Neither my husband or I are native English speakers and DS4's English is PERFECT! I'm pretty sure his Aspergerish traits play a bit of a role in it. For us TV is our kids English class. And they are the kind of kids who don't just sit there and stare ... they really absorb the info. The older one likes the TV on while he's playing and the younger one likes it quiet when he's playing so it's always a little fight over TV in our house but overall, I watch it, they watch it ... and when for couple weeks we tried to minimize TV to about 60 minutes a day, I didn't see any difference in their behavior so we just go with whatever seems right that day.

We always ensured that our shy, introverted daughter had enough current culture to help her make friends. We watched Sesame Street, Drake and Josh, and iCarly with her. It helps her to have something to say to others. It has never cut in on her giftedness.

What I have noticed about my older son (5) is that he wants to watch shows to fit in at school. I compromise on allowing him to read books about these characters. During vacation, he doesn't care about tv shows per se. Yet, I have seen he wants to be an expert on what the other boys at school think as cool. In absence of school, nature/ animal shows are all that would be requested. As parents, we watch all shows with the boys and no commercials. Love dvr.

I could have written this whole post when our son was that age, changing a few of the titles/genres (I'm British so we don't have britcom :-) We thought there might come a time when we needed to get a TV so that DS-now-9 wouldn't be left out, but it hasn't been an issue and he doesn't want one. There's always YouTube if he wants to have a quick look to see what someone's talking about. We have quite a DVD collection now and e.g. he and DH have started a habit of sitting down together to watch a Dastardly and Muttley episode at the weekend. ("You look after his maths, I'll look after his cultural education"!)

When DS was younger he used to loooove certain children's DVDs and we used to limit by having certain times of day when watching was an option and others when it wasn't. These days, it's computer screen time that needs limiting, but it's never felt difficult to negotiate (yet, I should say...)

Your children will want to decide for themselves what is worth watching and will resist too much parental interference. My kids think "Call Me Maybe" and "Gangnam Style" are great songs. In the car they listen to Crosby Stills, and Nash and like it.

My daughter is 2 so she doesn't watch that much tv but she gets to watch a few songs on youtube a few times a day while I pick up, do dishes, use the restroom. If she doesn't nap or is for some reason driving me crazy I will let her watch a cartoon so that I can rest for up to 20 mins. If she is sick I let her watch tv as much as she wants. I'm pretty good about keeping the background tv off during the day but she gets too much background adult tv at night since my husband likes tv and DD and him often have the same bedtime so he can't just watch tv after she goes to sleep.

Michaela,

Did these people justify why they only let their children watch television when they are playing with something else? I don�t see what the benefit would be, so I'd be interested in hearing their reasoning. I would think this pattern would encourage watching �mindless� television programs that don�t require much attention. We allow DS6 to have up to 2 hours of screen time a day (including computers, iPad, and television), and he learns a tremendous amount from the programs he watches (Bigger, Bigger, Biggest; Bill Nye; Modern Marvels; What the Ancients Knew). I would think his choice of programs to watch would be different if he could only have them on in the background! If a program is on that he isn�t interested in, he will ask to watch something else or turn the television off himself, so we generally don�t have to make him turn it off in that situation. If the television is left on, however, he will always stop what he�s doing to watch the commercials.

We also allow him to watch his iPad when we are in the car, so his screen time does go over the 2 hour *limit* on many days, but we don�t mind given the programs he is watching. Perhaps we would be more stringent if he were primarily watching non-educational programs.

I'm going to tuck that recommendation away somewhere safe.

My kids enjoy certain shows on the documentary channels, the game show types and the kids channels too. While we have busy days each day, they do get screen time each day (The older 2 4 and 6) and can choose how they spend it. They never choose TV, rather computer time or leappads. Dylan who is 2 will watch the occasional show (he loves watching sport with dad or Mickey mouse clubhouse), but usually runs away to do something else.

On a saturday morning they all watch for about 40 minutes together. I don't have rules per se, but when its enough I suggest they switch off and go do something else. We don't really have issues with it because there are so many other fun things to do. Although my 6 year old cannot walk past if its on and NOT look.

Love your husband's cheekiness! I can see screen time being the bigger constraint down the road. Frankly, with the Internet, TV is dead.

Maybe so, but that statement could be true of anything, TV or otherwise. (I suppose that's my punishment for having terrible taste in music as a teen!) As I see it, we are responsible for editing the choices available to our children in an age-appropriate way that respects their individuality. Then they are free to make good choices.

Incidentally, it was my father who introduced me to Gagnam Style! That tells you what kind of pop culture maven I am.

Admit to electronic babysitting early on to give me a break! Had a neighbor long before I had a child who I distinctly remember saying she begged her one boy to watch t.v. while she tried to make dinner, to avoid him re-wiring the electricity in the house... again...didn't really understand until DD came along.

PBS Kids is great and DD still wants to watch on days off and sick days. I love Marth Speaks!

I'd add to the feedback about knowing mainstream things to be able to talk to other kids about stuff going on. We haven't had cable in about 7 years, but Sat. morning cartoons are just fine and you get all the commercials for what is being pushed also...

Netflix, library loans, and watching cable non-stop when at hotels, as well as reading whatever is most consumed at the moment in different grades - as a suplement to science non-fiction and children's classics. We always try to see the popular movies when they come out (though sensitive hearing and AHDH tendencies delayed the age of sitting through movies at the theatre we're catching up)

p.s. I used to be into sheltering when DD was <5 but if they go to school it's better to take the attitude of allowing some exposure while developing a diaglog about what's in the culture and instilling your values, if they differ...for playdates and more time spent away at other's houses I am still picky about her close friends but in general the "dealing with it" philosophy has helped alot (me as well as her I think)

We do only netflix, we have a specific no-broadcast rule, because of all the breaks in broadcast, and the difficulty in watching one episode from the beginning (hard to sit down at the exact right moment)

Interesting, thanks, guys!

The kids are basically at zero TV per week these days. Every so often, we do a movie. They are allowed an hour or two of computer time a week--sometimes more if need be. DS was watching 3-5 hours per week from age 2 to this year, but now he's in preschool daily and I don't need him to anymore. (It was so I could work.)

I regard screen time as a babysitter that can be useful and fun in small doses. I don't think it's really educational, and research generally backs me up, although there's a lot we don't know about computer screen time (vs. TV). There is a lot of data showing that in excess, screentime displaces other activities that are far more valuable to children. The average amount of DAILY screen time for children 7 and over is something like 9 hours.

I have a situation where my kids don't like watching tv. I don't mind if they do but mostly my older one dislikes it so my younger one is used to it not being on. Personally I hate the TV on for background noise.

A few of my in laws constantly put the tv on for the kids when cousins are over playing. It goes unwatched mostly because they are playing together, so why add the extra noise?

More deficit problems can be found with that multi tasking approach. I think kids need to learn how to moderate themselves. When it's time to watch... Watch then turn it off. My son does love video games, but often times if he is playing mine craft I will find he left the game on pause and ran into the other room to start building with Legos. When he does that I save then turn off the game.

We only do Netflix as well. My kids once watched Sat morning cartoons and got all upset when a commercial cane on thinking I had changed the channel! I laughed realizing they had never seen one. A week later at Walmart my daughter asked for these slippers she saw on this commercials. She had passed by them tons of times before never glancing at them. I was surprised how seeing the commercial once attracted her attention to them so much.

I'll have to say, I'm pretty bummed Big Bang Theory isn't streamed on Netflix or elsewhere to any real extent. Although it is definitely more adult-themed, my almost 13-year-old loves the show and identifies with so much of what goes on. He bought Season 1 on DVD, but we hardly have devices now that will play DVD.

As to electronic babysitting, it can be a gift for our high energy, driven kids - both for us and them. I even need electronically babysat from time to time.

What I found interesting in this discussion was the many different definitions of what "watching TV" means that show when people share details. It made me think about the way we use screen time, what I label as TV, what I don't, and why.

DD7 showed the ability to focus on an entire 20-minute episode of a pre-school oriented show on Nick Jr. as an infant. So, we indulged her. She's very visual-spatial, so it turned out to be an excellent educational tool for her.

We've never really limited it, because she has an ability to self-regulate to the point where we rarely feel like she's abusing it. Yesterday, for instance, she watched for about an hour and a half. She had plenty of other activities going on.

She gets to select her own shows, and she records them on the DVR. We have yet to have a problem with her selecting something inappropriate. We used to have a family camp-out night in the living room every weekend, where I'd throw our mattresses on the floor and we'd watch movies and eat junk food. DW and I would alternate choices with DD every other week, so we'd introduce her to things she ordinarily wouldn't seek, to broaden her horizons. This is how, for instance, she became obsessed with Harry Potter. She wanted nothing to do with the idea at first.

TV watching in our household is not something done in isolation, staring vapidly at the screen. It's a family activity, it's interactive, interrogative, and analytical. We've used it as a launchpad into social topics like the outrageous message about thinness and its consequences, misleading claims in advertising, etc. Meanwhile, we all agree that Spencer is the funniest character on iCarly, and that the actors playing Kat and Jade are much more vocally talented than the star of Victorious. We also agree that the overall acting throughout the cast of Good Luck Charlie is really good for a show of that nature, but DD respectfully disagrees with her parents' position that the acting is really, really poor on Shake It Up.

All her peers are watching these same shows and movies, so it gives them something to bond over, in much the same way that nearly any random gathering of adult males can instantly find common ground by talking about sports. It's a handy social tool.

So yeah... count us in the "TV is not evil" camp.

I second everything in Dude's post including the comments on Shake It Up.

And for a show all about dancing...that could be better too. We aren't that thrilled with the writing on Shake it UP either.

OKAY...I just don't like Shake it Up at all.

I also love Spencer on iCarly! LOL

We watch almost no broadcast TV, other than an occasional show on PBS or Packer football game. Our girls (9 & 11) usually watch an episode or two on Netflix every day and get a limited amount of "fun" screen time on the various other devices around the house. (Homework done on the computer doesn't count.)

During the summer, they end up with very little screen time. During the winter, they can sometimes end up with several hours in a day, particularly on days with no school when I have to work. In addition, they usually can have more screen time if it's something educational rather than mindless fluff.

No restrictions here for DS7, but by his nature he is fairly self-regulating. He typically gravitates towards things where he learns like Ruff Ruffman and CyberChase, but it is a rare day that he isn't actively engaged in an activity or conversation related to what's on TV. We all watch cooking competition shows together and a random fiction series here and there.

To Michaela's question on the play while watching rule: the thing that disturbs me with some kids is the way they seem to just have an off switch on their mind when the TV is on. Maybe on only while playing is a check on making sure the kids aren't being shutdown in zombie-watch mode.

DD13 watches almost no television at all-- only Doctor Who, really.

She occasionally will go through a bunch of Netflix stuff (Monty Python, The Simpsons, and {shudders} SouthPark...)

When she was tiny, we didn't really stress out about how much TV she watched, but she didn't watch much, either. She liked Dora, Blue's Clues and Bear in the Big Blue House (gosh, I LOVED that show), as well as Emeril and other cooking shows. At most, though, an hour or two a day, and a lot of days, nothing at all. She just wasn't THAT into it.

Then she learned to read, and had even less interest unless we turned captioning on (which we did when she was about 18mo and kept doing-- we STILL do this for some shows where dialogue is important and hard to capture).

When she was slightly older, she was captivated by CSI and Numb3rs, as well as possibly the crappiest vampire thing ever on TV-- Moonlight-- and Ghost Whisperer.

She gets plenty of screen time Skyping with her friends.

But she's never been one to tune out or go "zombie" with the TV on, though she is definitely WATCHING if she's watching, and listening if she is not. Anytime she's done that zombie thing, I've known that she was ill-- we have allowed her to just "veg" like that when she has been sick.

That started with a handful of VHS tapes of the Teletubbies and Kipper when she was dreadfully ill with pneumonia as a baby/toddler. She watched hour upon hour upon hour of video/tv then. It was the only thing that she COULD do, and she was pretty miserable.

We have to limit it here or else he becomes a zombie... And then he doesn't sleep well if he watches too much.

In our household, we lump TV, internet, DSI, etc.. together and called electronic time. My DD8 and DD11 are allowed 1 hour of electronic time per day (during weekday) after their homework. Nowadays, they play minecraft whenever they can and rarely watch TV. If they miss homework or house chores or bad behavior, they may lose their privilege upto 2 weeks.

They took up better hobby like origami when they were not allowed to use electronics.

There are actually research finding linking screen time to disturbed sleep, for both children and adults. The link is especially strong for children who have TVs in their bedrooms. I would never have put a TV in my kid's room anyway, but the research is very convincing on that one all around.

I'm impressed that some of you have the patience to watch those kids' TV shows. Lord. Most of them make me want to gouge my eyeballs out. I feel relieved that DD's current school is not big on that kind of social currency. (Harry Potter is social currency, but that I can handle!) That IS how the experts say to do it, though--watch WITH your kid.

Speaking of electronics and lost sleep, I recently started using http://stereopsis.com/flux/ . I'm not sure whether it has made a difference, but the research seems compelling.

We do not have broadcast or cable TV. We do have one television in the house. It is in the basement hooked up to Netflix, but DD does not like going down there. She has seen a dozen or so movies, some nature and travel shows, and a few dinosaur trains and sesame streets. We make it kind of special like an every other weekend thing--mommy sleeps in, daddy and DD snuggle in the basement watching the original Star Wars.

I swear by not having a television in living areas. It is so calm. We travel a lot, and one of the things I hate about hotels are the big screen TVs in the middle of the rooms. They seriously throw us off.

Pru--wow, that's fascinating. I do think the theory is that light is part of the problem. I may try it, though I don't have any sleep problems to speak of. I'm just kind of curious. I do have a friend who has ADHD and computer addiction/sleep issues and I wonder if she could really benefit.

I just downloaded! I'm excited to try it. I've wondered for awhile why I'm ready to fall asleep when I'm out in the normal living area of the house, which has no TV or computer screen, but am then pretty awake as soon as I get on the laptop to finish relaxing.

Interesting

We have very limited screen time in our house. Unless something special is going on they usually get 10mins on the Iphone or computer program of their choice. With DS5 expanding his math, and other, interests I'm having to rethink my position on this, There are so many wonderful educational sites, programs, and games out there. However every time I give extra time it is a fight to get him off. There has to be a happy medium that I haven't found.

My DD9 gets 1 hour on a school night minecraft or a design program. We do a "pay it forward" program, she uses this time to decompress right after coming home from school, will fool around outside first if it's not too miserable. If there is any fuss or not completing the homework she loses it the next day.

This is a recent schedule to do the screen time first, and it actually works very well. No screen time a minimum of 1 hour before bed, but this takes care of that.

Homework, drawing, reading, building, bubble bath...all quiet and wind-down. This helps her get a much better night's sleep and often she wakes up with about 1 hour to spare the next morning, so she can do any little outstanding homework or studying when she's really fresh.
Broadcast cartoons or DVDs from Netflix or the library on the weekends...still count the computer time as screen time and it gets divided up over the course of the day, still has to go outside, do some chores, play, etc.

During the week though because of the homework load she only does one activity, music, no sport this winter (they are actually very active at school) when the weather gets better and days get longer again we will add a sport.

Since DS was four months old, he's had access to tv.

First, it was with a Baby Einstein DVD in his swing. The puppets and lights and music are wonderful. It helped to calm him and gave me time to take a shower.

Then as he matured, we allowed only "educational" DVD's...no public tv. That lasted about two years.

Since he was four, we let him watch some public tv, but he is still limited to shows that aren't "useless". In other words, 99% of shows he doesn't watch.

DS is six.

Oh, and I have an extensive library of vintage shows on DVD for him. He is probably the only kid in his class who knows who Howdy Doody is.

my oldest son started watching DVDs when he was 18 months old and I had morning sickness and he insisted on waking up before six. How much they watch now depends on how I feel - a sore head equals more tv. I have just banned computer games because my 3.5 year old has been getting obsessive and they have a very limited range of DVDs. It is quite convenient that ds5.5 is scared of almost everything when it comes to books and tv.