It seems like there is an exponential drop off in postings about kids as they get older on this site especially after say 6 or 7 years old. What do you think is driving that?

We would have to ask them.

Maybe they have given up on school and moved to home schooling boards.

We opted for private school after 4 yrs of public school.
My ds just turned 11. That kind of fits your time frame.

I was wondering this same thing the other day.

They've probably mastered the advocacy skills they needed. The ones who stick around are disproportionately parents of extremely complicated kids...

My son is 9 and in fourth grade...maybe some children get accepted to dys and they go to dys only boards? My son didn't get qualifying iq score...just under. So I stay here.

I found that in my area, where there is an overabundance of gifted adults (and hence gifted children), there is a lot of uncertainty, second guessing, cross checking etc when the kids are in the K or 1st grade level. After that stage, the parents have found a right fit for their kids - through different schools and/or through afterschool enrichment programs.

Maybe because it isn't an issue until it is an issue. So, many of us join when the kid is six, and we realize that status quo isn't going to work. Start off at five get into a kindergarten that tracks to a gifted program, cruise along.. eh, no... there is a significant difference between your kid and the other gifted kids... oh... look a website on the very topic.

Many forums have a "need help" --> "got help" --> "ciao" lifecycle. With a small percentage entering the "need help" --> "got help" --> "give help" chain, and another small percentage hit the "need help/curious" --> "found peers/love the topic" --> "hang out." Something like that.

DS before turning eight achieved temporary geosynchronous orbit, got what I came for, but like it here and maybe can help sometimes.

Having one GT son age 20 and one GT son age 15 as well as a wife who teaches the subject and having contact with a lot of parents directly, I think that as GT kids get older, a few things happen:

1. They slowly find their way. Never completely comfortable or satisfying mind you, however, enough to where were not desperate for help / input / guidance.

2. Things tend to get better and GT kids tend to find those of like mind the older they get. The problems, especially social-emotional, often diminish somewhat.

3. Parents eventually realize it doesn't matter how much injustance there is, it doesn't matter how hard they fight the good fight, it doesn't matter what we do, we're simply not going to find any one school or organization that is going to fill the needs of our gifted child, it's WE that has to create the opporunities. In short, we cry for help less and create our own having no other better option. (We don't start out seeing ourselves as the best option usually, however, realize eventually we might very well be)

It doesn't surprise me that the frequency of posts goes way down as GT kids get older. The school systems too seem to think that as kids get older their need for gifted services disappears, unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. Simply because AP course become an option doesn't mean all is solved, not by a long shot.

I agree with the explanations given by others but will also mention that as children get older they can use the Internet (and ideally, like-minded peers) to find books and other educational resources, so parents don't need to do it for them as often.

As an old mom (14yo twins), I agree with what Old Dad said. I still check in here because it is all still fascinating and hard to let go. But I've come a long way from the freak-out when my 2yo was reading and people were telling me she must be autistic (we never took her to a specialist after being reassured by the pedi that it seemed quite unlikely).

The fact is, I have 2 amazing and amazingly well-adjusted teens, and it is better for them at this point to let them start finding their own ways. It is easier for me to see now (than when they were little) that the academic sky isn't falling. Their schooling isn't perfect but it is okay and I think they'll figure out what they need/want.

The other night when my dd was going to bed she said to me, "you know what?" The answer was "the water from the faucet in our upstairs bathroom is the best tasting water I've ever had." And then she said good night. And I wondered how I got so lucky to have a teen who is not only finding joy in life, but finding joy in something that cost me virtually nothing.

Ditto to everything amylou said (right down to the water in our upstairs bathroom, really!). My two are 11 and 13; I still read here intermittently because it is addictive and interesting and I still happen across resources that are useful to us, but my kids are (mostly) happily finding their way.

Yes. This seems to be true at the unrelated forum where I've been involved as an administrator through about 8 years now. The ones who stay tend to have children and life circumstances that paint them into uncomfortably tight solution spaces.


Yes. This is a lovely and very succinct picture of the demographics of almost any online community. The "why" of who fits where, though-- that's complicated. Some people find what they need IRL, and some don't. The reasons for that probably vary significantly, but it winds up that the "don't" crowd are the regulars over a long period of time.


I agree, to a point.
1. Loss of that desperate feeling that most people have which initially overcomes the activation energy of posting such private and painful things on an open website... which, let's face it, is a substantial barrier for many people-- particularly people who post on a forum like this one, because the potential for some anonymity here is VERY appealing for that private/circumspect group of parents. We're not going to plaster this stuff on FB pages. Come to that, I'd guess a fair number of us don't HAVE Facebook pages.

2. Yes-- or the kids get old enough that they don't WANT some things posted on the net. My DD is definitely in this category-- I strongly suspect that she reads here. She is a fully fledged member of the other forum where I'm an admin... it's sometimes... interesting, that. But anyway-- I'm aware of handing over the reins to her.

3. Yes. You just plain get tired of fighting the good fight. Sure, it's the "right" thing to do. But eventually, old soldiers and all that. I'm VERY much there with my daughter's other issues and getting there in a hurry with the GT ones, too. It's NEVER going to matter, and therefore it is a waste of my energy to beat my head against that wall. Better to just get on with my own subversive means of working around things.

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One thing that hasn't been mentioned which may be particular to this community is that there are a lot of parenting issues which arise as our (admittedly complicated) kids mature are so incredibly idiosyncratic that NOBODY can really tell us what to do about them. So I also suspect that parents stop asking, because the inputs are not always very relevant, as much as we'd like for someone to tell us whether or not it's okay for a 13yo to spend the summer in Ecuador on a field research station. Maybe parents eventually realize that nobody else has answers as good as our own for these kids, by and large, and we make peace with that and stop asking. I guess Old Dad's point is similar to this one, now that I think about it. Making peace with nobody else having the answers.

Well said. I will have to remember that quote and use it often.

I hope someday I have the confidence to think "I know best" (but my eldest is 6.5).

It does however give me hope that things will get figured out for ds, by ds and me. The fight is old already- especially because I don't think the school is willing to do anything different. They are still trying hard to prove to me that ds is not what he is. (Sigh)

This is fairly normal in more general parenting forums. I think parents become more confident, and busier and their kids need less hands on help. My son is 14 (soon to be 15, a H.S. freshman) I am only here now because my son has had a few challenges in the past year.

After K and 1st grade a lot of schools have gifted programs and parents don't feel so desperate for help as they are when kids are in preschool and starting elementary? After couple of years they have it figured out a lot better.

I wish we had gifted programming.

our school district has it from 3rd grade but since it's not mandated by the state, it's just a very basic pull out that's pretty much worthless. Our "gifted" programming is us homeschooling ... at least for now! lol

I once heard the definition of an expert described as:

"Someone who's made every mistake there is to make in a very narrow field....and lives at least 100 miles away."

I had to chuckle at that description, there is a lot more truth to it than I'd like to admit. By the time our GT kids are 14 or so, we've made the mass majority of the mistakes and learned from them, still, while we know our own children better than anyone else, (or should, if we're doing it right) we often fail to give ourselves credit for being an expert on them.

My D is 18, and I have noticed there is definitely a majority of parents of younger posters out here! Maybe partly because this resource hasn't been around that long -- if the current group stays around, you can all age together.

I was very stressed just before starting school, up through to finding a solution after a couple of years. The was when I was googling and posting here. I can't imagine getting to nine or ten years old and not having something sorted out is as common and wrangling with first grade.

There is a relatively large number of people who are very eager to see their two year old as unusual, but that doesn't always mean they're unusual. They would disappear as the child got older.

My DS is 8 and in second grade. There is always a problem with one of the exceptionalities with a twice exceptional child... Either the school is failing with regard to the disability or it's failing with regard to giftedness.

I still come and read - my son is 10. He's in 5th grade, and goes to middle school (6th grade) for math. All has been going fine (if you ignore the fact that he is still gettng 100% or very close in most tests). I've relaxed a little, as there is a brand new full time gifted program starting in the fall at his middle school, so I see some challenge in the future This board has bene invaluable over the past few years!

I still come and read as well. My son is 9 and doing great, thanks in large part to advice and resources I found here when he was in preschool. I was definitely reeling then and somewhat panicked about school, but our school situation has been so good that I mainly follow the parenting and resource discussions these days.

My DS just turned 10. I was here a lot when he was younger and I was trying to figure things out. Then when he went to kindergarten, I went to work full time. For the most part, I am here less frequently because we found a good fit school for our son. Plus we're much busier than when he was younger. I do try to visit to give BTDT advice when appropriate, since people helped me so much when I had questions. I wish I had more time.

I also came here a lot more when DD was younger. Now that she's in school and more activities, things are easier so I don't feel as much of a need to come here unless I have a specific question or some times just want to check on something.

I agree with what others are saying. A couple of months after finding the right school situation, I completely lost my need to post. Now I occasionally lurk for fun.

Also, in the early days I really needed to tell my stories in order to check my own sanity. For example, this morning I read to DD5 from a chapter book and we discussed foreshadowing; then we did an impromptu probability experiment with coin flips in runs of five. Then it was 7:30 and time to start packing lunches.

A couple of years ago, I would have been all "zOMG! What's going on here??? Hey everybody look! WTF?!?!?!?!" Now it's just another morning with my kid.

YES this!! I think when the GT thing is new for us we NEED a place to post the stories that we quickly realise we cannot share with other friends/parents and even often family.

As you get into it more, find the solutions that work for you (or switch to homeschooling) and as you and your kids get more comfortable with who they are, you accept it more easily and there is not such a big need to freak out over it.

I still love coming here to share and to learn and to find new things, then again my kids are still relatively young and I love reading the anecdotes and encouragement here.

My son is seven and I plan to check in regularly, even if we do get it all figured out! It's so helpful to hear from "been there, done that" parents. We've already had to switch schools, be educational advocates, and try to sort out asynchronous development (by far the hardest thing for us to deal with).

Kids in the 140+ range are rare, and it's difficult to talk about their needs and accomplishments without alienating other parents. We haven't gotten far in elementary education, but I can sympathize and provide some of my own experiences to help parents with very young, gifted children. It's hard when a child is emotionally and intellectually far out of sync.

Maybe I can help someone and maybe when my DS is older and we're dealing with mine craft addiction, underachievement, or hormonal unpleasantness--or however he chooses to challenge me, I can use this site for insight and reassurance that "this too shall pass."

At this point I feel like I need this forum almost daily and mine are 8 and 9 (almost 10). We are sort of just in a holding pattern with DD9 and somewhere in the process of a GIEP for DD8. I still learn things from all of you all the time and checking in to see what is being discussed helps me feel connected to others that actually get it.

I know we should be doing more for our girls, but life is flying by at this point. I know we will need the help of everyone here, probably for some time to come (middle school is going to be here before we know it). I hope you all continue to stick around so I can come to you for advice, support, and camaraderie.

I don't always have much advice to give, but I try to put my 2 cents in when I can. If I had a better handle on our situation I would probably feel more comfortable dishing out advice, but I don't.

What a timely thread! I haven't been back in awhile and now DD is a middle schooler. So true about wanting a place to read/post and just know there are others out there with similar issues.

It just occurred to me that this thread is the perfect place to acknowledge my gratitude to the older parents who have stuck around. Several of you helped me more than you can know! I am thinking in particular of Polarbear, whose replies are unfailingly kind as well as knowledgeable. Cricket2 also comes to mind. But there are many others that I just don't have at my fingertips. Thank you all!

Agree. Lately Polarbear and Pemberley have been helping me out of a bind... having a community of people who have BTDT makes a lot of things more manageable.

DeeDee

So many have helped and supported me on this board. I am so grateful to all of them.

But my child and I really owe a huge debt of gratitude to Polarbear and Lori H. Because of their willingness to share so much and take so much time, my DS's challenges were discovered/identified (I knew what to look into and what specialists to see because of them) and I was able to get the challenges strongly accommodated for and remediated prior to 2nd grade, which is wonderful. He could have languished for years and had God knows how many misdiagnoses.

Also following other's stories is so helpful - Pemberley, Blackcat... Just reading your struggles gives me strength and ideas/information. Nautigirl always makes laugh. Howler Karma always has such good insight and her wit cracks me up. I couldn't imagine where would be if it were the times before internet and I didn't have this resource. Oh and Jon Law... he cracks me up too.

Oh and Master of None... She is so awesome. We wouldn't be where we are without her either. She has helped me so many times ... particularly with the legal aspects of my struggles with the school!

I don't really post, but lurk quite a bit. My best guess is that DD(5) is just a hair below DYS...luckily, we are in a really good school district where the teachers adore her and have already figured out her abilities on their own...so I do not really have any advocacy struggles to share and other than some quirky over excitabilities (that I learned about here), I also do not feel qualified giving advice yet (she is only 5)...

I figure that as she progresses in school, there will be more opportunities through gifted programs and hope that she will continue to get more and more of her needs met. But I have to say, whenever she does something quirky, I check here and sure enough someone has posted about it and received numerous good feedback that I then leverage:)

So a big thanks to the regulars (mentioned above)and their ongoing good advice!

I think in terms of child development milestones and, intentionally take breaks from the subject of giftedness, so that it is not dominating our home life too intensely. I notice maturing in our child about every three months and we think in terms of long-term goals. The high IQ is such an advantage in standardized testing and in more advanced subject matter, that we do not really have problems with schooling as long as the school provides challenging assignments and projects. It is when the children are young and it is hard to assimilate their advanced cognitive ability into the much larger, average group that parents of gifted kids are just waiting for more rigorous education to start.

I don't know if I qualify as an "older parent" because DD is just turning 11, but I don't use the board as often as I did when we were first finding out how far out of the box DD was/is. Part of it is because we have gotten over the initial "what are we going to do with her" sort of phase, but also because as she got older she started advocating for herself and figuring out ways to get what she needed in school and out.
I've recently started back to the board because DD6 is now starting through the cycle of starting school and trying to get her needs met.
Both are also more involved in activities now so there is less time for me to spend here.
I always love the BTDT perspective, and it keeps me coming back, as well as the hope that I can help out with what we've gone through so far for others just starting.

LOL, thank you, and here is insight as to becoming computer-like: emphasizing facts, as seen in this recent post (thanks PB)