Apologies in advance if there was a thread on this. Perhaps I'm not searching the archives properly as I wasn't able to find a similar discussion.

Do you or don't you tell your child his/her IQ score? Why or why not? I'd love your thoughts.

Background: we may be getting DS8 tested soon. He is very keen on IQ testing. But I'm not sure I want him to know the score. He's quite mature for his age so possibly he will understand when I ask him to keep it to himself. I think what I'm concerned about is that he may start "defining" himself and what he can or cannot do based on the number. I really don't want that to happen. He reads a lot about brain research etc so he has a good level of knowledge about IQ scores, learning styles etc. I am anxious about how he will use the knowledge and how it will affect his self-esteem etc especially if he has certain expectations of himself.

Here's some discussion points if you decide to:
http://www.iqtest.com/whatisaniqscore.html
Skip the top part and scroll down to the heading "defining intelligence".

And a good talk about Carol Dweck's theory.
http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol8no3_feature.html
Wether she's right or not she makes a good analogy.

I have more than one child. Unless they somehow end up with the same exact score, one's higher, one's lower. I'm not going there.

I am a believer in telling kids their IQ scores. I don't feel that I have a right to hold that information and not pass it on. Having said that, I haven't told dd, but she's only 5. She knows she is gifted though. But not in a 'wow, you're so special because you're gifted' kind of way, but in a if you find yourself feeling misunderstood this could be the issue, here are the great things about it, here are some things you might find a challenge kind of way. She was visibly relieved to have that information, even at 5. Some expert, I can't remember who, said that they felt that info would be appropriate to share once the child had a mental age of around 12. I am sure others will disagree and will have very valid reasons for doing so. I don't know that it's a straightforward decision. I guess from my perspective it feels disrespectfully to have that kind of information about a person (any person) and keep if from them. Though when I do discuss it with dd it will be within the context of it only being meaningful in particular ways.

I have not given my kids the test scores - only assured them that they are bright. I think an 8 year old is especially young to fully digest what the scores may or may not mean. In both my children'a cases they have wide scatter, and both the neuropsychologist and I have explained to them their strengths and weaknesses. (ie your verbal and non verbal "thinking" skills are quite high. What this means is....... You have a bit more difficulty processing information quickly - speedily taking it in and spitting it back out . You probably see this when....... What this means is.........). My son is now 14 and is invited to IEP meetings. He will be there the next time he is evaluated (age 16) and we discuss the report and the numbers - IQ and others. I feel uneasy about this, but I do believe he should have access to the "numbers" as he moves toward adulthood. And, he will have the maturity and sense of self to keep the data in perspective. But, even at his last evaluation, (age 13) we did not give him the nitty gritty details.

My son has taken the WISC IV 4 times. His scores follow the same general pattern, but are NEVER the same. I agree with the Dottie that there are far too many variables that affect the "number" and therefore I don't want my kids to label themselves with an IQ score that seems to be a moving target. Plus, we talk about multiple intelligences. Since both my kids have learning disabilities, it is important for them to understand the other "gifts" they bring to the table. For instance, the WISC doesn't measure leadership, interpersonal savvy, "stick to it ness", and like-ability. Yet, these skills go a long way toward school and life success.

I'd like to help them think more broadly about what it means to be smart and successful. Admittedly, my perspective may be different since I have one average kid and one gifted, and the average one has it much easier in school.

I think a child should be told his precise IQ score when he has a sufficiently good knowledge of statistics to understand what the number means.

Here is a story. I was tested in elementary school, and let's call the score 140. It was explained to me as the quotient of mental to chronological age, and I remember when a school counselor told me "10 year olds are not ready to do XYZ" I shot back "my mental age is 14 because my IQ is 140". He thought this statement was arrogant and did not grant my request. I did not see the error in my reasoning.

LOL - this is a great answer. And I totally agree. I like Dottie's discussion too. I just talked to someone yesterday who has a Ruf tested child and Ruf said the final scores for her child were extremely low because the child played mind games and shut down during testing. Anytime you are talking about a young child's scores, you may not have the full picture for so many reasons.

Someday I'll hand my kids ALL the test data I have on them when I don't think they'll feel defined by it. The IQ scores especially are 1 number on 1 day and I think it's easy to lay quite a bit of significance into something that could be different with another tester, a better breakfast, a different mood etc.

I do also agree with this. Having the knowledge that I was gifted and the ramifications of that would have been a huge relief in elementary school. I really always thought something was wrong with me because I didn't fit. I do talk to my kids about it in this way.

I agree completely. Talking about giftedness and what that means to your children and how they feel about their world is probably one of the most important things we will do for them.

But giving them their exact number? I don't see any upside to it.

I think asking an 8 year old not to blurt is probably a mistake. I know that 8 year olds can be very cute, and mature seeming, but trust me, the hormones are right around the corner, and all that mature-seeming behavior can fly right out the window. 'nough said? For me, i did endup having some sort of discussion with my son around age 8, but only because there was a specific concern and worry.

He was attending a gifted summer camp for the first time and a very difficult year in school. He was quite vulnerable, and I just didn't think it was ethical to send him into a situation for OG kids, and risk that he's still feel left out and blame himself for not fitting in.

We talked about the bell curve, its shape and how every program has cutoffs. I explained that this particular camp had a cut off at 2SD, and that his scores were around 3SD. And we talked about that kids like him are rare even in groups like this, that are set aside for gifted. Turns out that he had a wonderful time and it was a thrill to pick him up every evening with color in his cheeks!

If you do decide to share scores, I would caution you, that IQ scores don't measure 'smartness' they measure rareness. So someone with a 140 IQ isn't 2x smarter than someone with a 70 IQ. IQ scores only rank folks -which has some clear issues- and give an idea of how unusually 'abnormal.'

In a world where there was no urge to codify what various age kids are ready learn, there would be no need to define 'normal' and no such thing as abnormal. Johnny would just have a readiness to learn profile at a particular moment, and adult would try various ways to get Johnny and the next skill on the list together.

It would be so cool if one could look at the DNA or brain scans of kids who love music or literature and see a consistient difference - but science just isn't there yet. I would do the IQ testing for educational placement purposes, but I wouldn't give an 8 year old a number. I would just share the 'relative rareness' and any bottlenecks, along with some stratagies to overcome them.

I will take a wild guess that your son might enjoy Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" if he wants to get more into what makes people suceed. Good for him for reading about brain research.

Enjoy,
Grinity

Thanks so very much for your answers. I love this forum. I love your answers. I agree that at 8, it's very very probable that he will "leak" the info. I too feel that he should know at some point but I'm not ready for him to know now. But I'm glad I asked because there's so much food for thought I hadn't considered as well. Thank you!

Yes, this is how I aim to approach discussing it when I do.

And it's occurred to me the expert I mentioned in my earlier post on this thread was talking about telling them they're gifted, not IQ scores.

Children probably have a LOT of confidential information that is relevant and important to them as people-- medical, financial, etc. that they aren't emotionally ready for when they are young children.

I didn't know my own SB-IQ score until I was in high school. Until then, I was "gifted" and that was enough information. I mean, I was 'gifted enough' that it was always highly self-evident anyway.

It's very hard to HAVE that number and keep it from a PG child, however; I found my information, I wasn't told.

I also remember the 'gee-whiz' IQ testing that my enrichment class did when I was about a freshman in high school-- my score was high enough that the teacher initially (very obviously) assumed that I was "cheating" somehow, or had done that precise assessment before. (I hadn't-- I just thought all those nifty logic puzzles were a hoot, YK?) I definitely didn't like feeling like a circus freak in front of my peers, and that number (in the 150s) set me apart from the other kids in that classroom for the next three years. Not a happy place for an adolescent.

Anyway. DD has a long history of ferreting out medical information and other data that she decides she wants (like our state tax statements, our mortgage payment, medical test reports, etc... ). This is a large part of the reason that we haven't HAD her tested. Because it seems improbable that we could keep the number from her... and also because I don't want her to experience what I (and my own father) did as a direct result of how remarkable that number seemed to others. She's an obviously HG kid, but she's a lot more than any number on any one day. I prefer that the other adults in her life see HER and not the number-- and this includes her teachers and school administrators.

I certainly don't want her feeling beholden to that number or entitled by it either one. When you are an adult-- nobody really cares about the number anyway. It's just a tool.

Now, we do talk about LOG, so that she has some idea why radical acceleration isn't necessary for a lot of OG students, and why "school is easy and fun" applies to optimally gifted people more than HG ones, etc.

So do you fear that your opinion of her will be altered by the numbers? If she was tested privately you are not obligated to give that information to teachers or administrators. To me it sounds like you are giving this a lot more power than it needs to have. Many of us have IQ test results for our kids and not one negative thing has happened as a result. Sure, taking out a billboard or passing the info around without thought is a bad idea.

I would never let my kids know their IQ scores. It does not matter, they still have to get the work done, when a child believes they are a genius it takes some internal motivation away. They can also tend to avoid the challenges. If school is too easy for them, ramp it up. All kids should sweat a bit with education, what can not happen is kids thinking everything is so easy because I am brilliant. This will not help them in the long run. To succeed in life it takes a lot more than IQ. At my kids school, everyone is brilliant, the ones who will succeed are the workers Small kids need to now they are supported and loved not that they are superior to the rest of the world. That is the recipe for a brat, trust me you do not want them telling you at age 13 you are an idiot. For a genius kid they need to come home and say wow school is hard, they have to work through hard times and come out the other side. Character formation and social nuances are needed too

I don't believe that the score matters, I just don't think it's fair for someone to hold that information about anyone and keep it from them long term. I'd like to think it can be presented in such a way that it wouldn't be a thing of wonder for all to be in awe of, just a piece of information that the person it applies to has a right to know. I don't imagine there are any kids who will suddenly turn in to a 'brat' on hearing the number without there being a whole lot of other contributing factors.

I don't think dd's IQ score does make her superior to the rest of the world and in our family effort, kindness and respect are what is rewarded and admired. When (and I can't say when 'when' will be) we tell her it's not like we'll be sitting at the dinner table saying 'well, you know you have an IQ of x, isn't that amazing. You're one in thousands. Aren't you special.' I can't say exactly what we would say as we're so far away from doing it, but as mentioned, it would be cased in the message that it is only meaningful in very particular and some what contrived ways. And, of course we'd continue the same message we have done with giftedness, which is it has no value without effort, kindness and respect.

Having said that - each family will know their kids best and will know if it's right for them. There might be factors which make it more appropriate not to tell, or hold on to the knowledge longer than others. I just don't think learning to learn and understanding the importance of effort will be negated by putting a number to the knowledge that you learn and think differently to others. Unless of course that is the message you're given (that it is a magic number). But we're all pretty clued up here - I doubt anyone's planning on giving that message in any way, shape or form.