Over the course of the last few weeks I have notice dd getting comfortable. Which should sound positive - and in many ways it is. We had a stressful start to school and now things are settling. I am thrilled that she's more relaxed.

She does however want more challenging work (her words not mine). I posted the other day about raising this with her teacher regarding maths and how she had said dd didn't know her maths facts to a certain level. As I mentioned in that post, dd does have the necessary facts down, but she finds them boring and can't do them quickly so I think she rushes over them and gets things wrong. The teacher said she's doing really well in the top maths group. I got the impression that should be enough, despite the work being well below what she does at home.

Similarly with reading, writing etc, she's working comfortably at the top of the class, despite her skip.

If I didn't know dd was gifted there would be, I suspect very few teachers would pick it. DD does exactly what is expected of her, she's polite, achieving. If it aint' broke, don't fix it right? It occurred to me it's exactly what happened when I started school - top of the class in early elementary, middle of the class by mid-elementry and there forever after because I just lost all interest and no one noticed I could do more.

I know you read about these things all the time, but I am surprised to be living it (shouldn't be, obviously, but there you go!) Now I realise if I had even just a little less knowledge about giftedness I'd just leave my daughter be. DD's behaviour is ok, her teacher is positive about the level she's working at now, my rarely complaining dd would never mention she found the work easy unless I'd thought to ask about it. Better than the nightly tantrums we had a few months ago sure, but at least I knew, KNEW, something was wrong then. Now we just have a shade of grey that I sometimes wonder if I am imagining. How easy for these kids to fly under the radar.

I totally get what you are saying. This is all tricky to say the least. It is a good sign that she is challenging herself outside of school.

The multiplication facts are very important going forward in Math. Maybe you can find another way for her to do these that is more fun this summer. Maybe something on the computer.

Do you think your daughter should go up another grade in Math or overall?

Mmmm the last 6 weeks since DD#2 was assessed have been full of interesting observations on my own schooling, and also on the last two years with my older DD, and my parenting in general. Many layers of feeling bad about underestimation on my part, and wondering about my own childhood.

I can totally identify with this. Will most likely be taking dd10 to CTY for WISC in August (well that is if I can get an appt? I just mailed in the intake form) on our way back South. My mom thinks it is ridiculous (in general and to go to CTY), but given my experiences (similar to yours it sounds like) I think it is a great investment in her future. (and I think dd10 is prob. optimally gifted, so it really shouldn't even be that difficult to get her needs met compared to say some of the DYS kids here).

it sounds so familiar, they do what they need to do - seem happy enough. It's only when you see them spark again, be truly happy again that you realise how not right it was before.

It's hard to explain this to preschool too. They keep saying to me "But she's happy". Well yeah, she's a good natured kid making the best of things. She's not crying. But if you could see her face light up with the joy of something really interesting you would see that what you are seeing is not fully happy. It's chugging along just ok.

Last year our ds was also fine at school but this year in the proper school he is eager to learn, creative, and is back to his "life is great" attitude that was missing last year.

yes!! that's exactly it. Just chugging along. That's the best description i have heard for this

And then the challenge is getting others to see/understand that when every year it's a new teacher, and the old teacher may or may not have seen the spark. I think the hardest part for me is the way it impacts DD's self-perception. In the absence of work that really pushes/challenges her, she rarely does exceptional work, and is always comparing herself to the work done by other students who get a lot of compliments and attention for their thoroughness. It may be that these students are just meticulous about everything they do, but I have to wonder if their work is so thorough because it actually is at their challenge level, so they are sparking in the same way that DD sparks when she gets to do something that is at her level of challenge.

Recently, DD had the opportunity in two subjects to do work that she didn't already know how to do. She excelled--I think to the surprise of many. Interestingly, I noticed a concommitant increase in effort (and creativity, and results) in her other subjects too.

When it comes to the constant dance with the school over what our children need, I think this dynamic is a contributing factor. Absent the opportunities that bring our kids fully "alive", our kids achieve well enough for the school to agree with us that they're "smart"--but the school also ends up believing that we just don't know what the work of a truly exceptional student looks like.

That's such a wonderful description, it's exactly what it is. They're "happy enough" but there's no spark.

Taminy that is certainly what I see with my DD. We have stepped up our efforts for my almost 5 yr old in the last two months and seen a massive jump in her output in unrelated areas. Her drawings and colouring in for example are dramatically improved in the last month.

Yes, that has been my experience as well. Challenge in just one lttle area affects their who person. I have seen it in my DS and VERY clearly in one of the students I taught before children (Oh to go back to then with that child with what I know now! I get teary just thinking about it.)

Trouble is so many people just don't see it or recognise what it is if they do see it.

I know exactly what you mean. We had the same situation at the start of our school year too, in fact throughout the year. DD would get comfortable and be "happy" to do exactly what she was asked to until she had finally had her fill of being unchallenged and just ok and she would start to have melt downs at home (never at school). She too got discouraged by other kids getting more praise and recognition when her work was as good as theirs was. But, I think it is because the work was a challenge for them, but wasn't for her. Only her science and Spanish teachers saw her LOG for what is was, her regular classroom teacher never saw it.
DH and I often wondered if we were being too pushy because, like you, if I knew a bit less about giftedness, I wouldn't be worried about her being comfortable.
Sorry, I have no words of wisdom, but I can relate to your dilemma.

Thanks all for your comments. Nice to know we're not alone - though a shame that that is the case, if you know what I mean! The teacher tested dd's addition facts the other day according to dd, but that was all (dd's loves pretty much everything about maths except maths facts, so I don't know that that will tell her much about where she is really at). DD was very upset because it was her morning for shown and tell and she missed out because the teacher was testing her. She said that was all she could think about while the testing was being done. Poor little thing. She didn't think to let the teach know. I'll be interested to see what happens from there, if anything! I'm pondering where too from here. DD is adamant she doesn't want another skip and I am reluctant to at this stage anyway as socially she's pretty happy(though I wouldn't rule it out down the track). Sometimes I fantasise about having and ND kid. I'm sure that bring it's own probablems, and I adore dd. But there just doesn't seem to be a single easy answer.

I too have these fantasies sometimes, but then one of the girls will do a "GT" thing that is just amazing and cool and it knocks the fantasy right on its ear when I think "wow, there is no way I could be doing this with an ND kid- I am so glad I have gifties, even with all of their issues." It is then further knocked down when I relay what they have done to friends with ND kids and they look at me like I must be crazy and then they tell me what their kid is doing and it usually seems so basic, I don't know how I would react with a kid like that. (But then again, if that's what I had, I would know how to react wouldn't I?)

Both my elder children are GT and as so many of us know, this can be associated with many challenges.
When I had my third baby 18 months ago, I was secretly excited that he wasn't apparently devloping as quickly as the others had. He turned 1 and could barely say 10 words (although we did know he understood far more) and was not starting to identify letters (whoppee!). He was going to be my 'normal kid'.... or so I thought until last week. All of a sudden I realised that he could tell the difference between letters and numbers. Then he pointed to the ketchup bottle. I finally relented thinking that he was going to push it around, or possibly chew on it (aah!). Instead, he turned it around and started looking at the writing saying various letters (eg C, B etc, in no particular order). Since then, I have noticed other GT signs.
All I could think was, here we go again! Hopefully I'll be better prepared now.

re: fantasizing about nd kids...

isn't the real fantasy a place where these/our kids would be considered 'normal' just the way they are?

Sigh.

What are "nd kids"?

nd=normal development

Kids who struggle with age appropriate grade level schoolwork are ND, normally developing. I always thought they were faking it and were geniuses for faking it so well. It frustrated me that I could not figure out how to fake it convincingly when other kids could and I knew I was smarter than they were.
Chris, I'm glad you said the true fantasy is that the true fantasy is a place where exceptional minds are normal.

P.s. Smart kids are normal. Everybody else is insane! :P