Hi! I'm Kerry's DD11, a profoundly gifted girl, and I am currently working on my Silver Award for Girl Scouts. My project is to inform teachers about the needs of gifted children and how to provide for them. I am looking for some quotes for a speech I am putting together and I wondered if you could ask your children what they most wish their teacher would understand about them and/or what they like/dislike about being gifted. For example: I wish my teachers wouldn't single me out for everything.
In your reply could you please tell me how old your child is and whether they are boys or girls?

I would greatly appreciate the help!

Kerry's DD,

My daughter is 10. She's in bed right now, but I will ask her your question tomorrow. In the mean time, I just wanted to tell you that I really like your choice for a Silver Award project, and I hope that it helps make the world a better place for kids like you and like my daughter.

Thank you!

-Elizabeth

I really like your project as well.



Let me ask my daughter, who is almost 15.




If you like, I can also answer for myself-- though this reflects what I remember about being an exceptionally gifted female student. I have very clear recollections about some things that I still recall from when I was 12 to 16 years of age, and some pivotal moments (mostly conflicts with teachers) from when I was younger.

* What I wish teachers had known about me is that I was, aside from my brain's abilities, just like any other student. I had the same insecurities, the same worries, and the same problems-- and the same desire (but not the ability) to fit in with my peers. So telling the entire class just HOW impressive my score was on the class "fun" IQ test? That may have been the single most mortifying thing in middle school, and in related news, I'd love to point out how this turned me into a lodestone for the three distinct sets of bullying girls that then targeted me and made my every minute at school a living nightmare.

I also really didn't like being expected to be "smarter than that" with respect to social, typical adolescent problems. Shaming me with my IQ was not a favorite part of my school experiences. I also wanted-- sometimes desperately-- to be able to occasionally have a BAD DAY once in a while.

The thing that I'd have wished for from a wish-granting magical object was to be invisible. This may also be related to the fact that I had already figured out that most attention just brought a lot of trouble. It also tended to come with unrealistic expectations of perfection from others, I noticed.

I enjoyed teachers that seemed to have a genuine passion for their subject, were themselves highly insightful about that subject, and were flexible and clearly eager to extend their OWN understanding. Beyond that, I wasn't too picky about pedagogical style. I only realized in my late 30's that this type of teacher (more or less benignly neglectful, VERY rigorous with the subject, and into their OWN relationship with the subject-- students free to tag along, but the journey was independent of them)-- is not one that most students, and maybe not even most gifted students, find works for them at all. I see some of the same things in my own daughter and in my highly gifted spouse, though, and remember it in my profoundly gifted father's approach to learning, so I suspect quite strongly that it is associated with higher levels of giftedness.

What do I like about being a gifted person? I like being able to learn whatever I want-- fast. Love that. I like how the air kind of crackles when you get more than a few of us together in a room. I like feeling amazing when I'm doing something that I love and doing it with all of my ability-- it's an amazing feeling.

Music, writing and geometry were the only school experiences that really gave me that. I loved everything about ensemble performance and obsessively practicing/playing an instrument. I love listening to all kinds of music even now, and my daughter and her friends find it disconcerting that I can talk to them about music that THEY like, too. Being able to FEEL music that way is a lovely gift, and one that I do not take for granted. I need music the way that I need sunlight or fresh air.

I hated winning awards. It just highlighted what kind of freak I was (in my mind). I won a lot of awards for my writing, and could have gone on to do well (better than regional, probably) for the spelling bee, too-- but I deliberately threw competitions so that I wouldn't have to advance. My teachers couldn't understand it.

I never wanted to write too well, because it meant having it used as an "example" and sometimes, it meant the teacher accusing me of plagiarism. Not very likely when they had watched me write a poem or essay in class, but whatever.



I would like to think that teachers handle adolescents more sensitively in general now-- and would not shame teens as was done to me. On the other hand, some of that sense of shame/guilt was a very real sense of wanting to fit in and desperately, epically failing. It was as though I was filled with electricity or light, and it kept leaking through.

It was mortifying to do something without thinking it through, and for adults (and my peers, sometimes) to GAPE at me like fish. I always hoped that cognitive dissonance would make them question it later-- and sometimes it seems to have worked that way.

What I would want teachers to know about being HG+ is this, actually:

it takes SO MUCH ENERGY to hide what you are all of the time. Nobody without that experience can really understand how much energy this takes, I think, and how empty and exhausted you feel at the end of each day. Underachievement can come from perfectionism or a desire to fit in-- but I know from experience that it can also come as a side-effect of the kind of existential fatigue that saps so much mental energy that even a PG person doesn't have enough remaining capacity left to perform even acceptably well, never mind at "expected" levels.

That's MY answer. I'm now in my late forties, but my memories of school are quite keen.

I'll edit in my daughter's answers in the morning.

Don't get pissy or offended when a profoundly gifted kid sleeps through your class and you wake him/her up to take a pop quiz at the end of class to "show him or her a lesson" and the pg student is the only one to get a hundred on the pop quiz. Why do you think s/he nodded off in the first place?

This is my DD 11's response

"What I like about being gifted is it makes me feel special and smart. I hate being the youngest, and I’m really glad I’m not the only one any more. I don’t feel as picked on now that I’m not alone. In my classes now, people don’t try to make me feel bad about getting good grades. I don’t like being taught the same things over and over. I never get to learn anything new except in math sometimes. I like to be challenged and want to be challenged more. Classes are a lot less boring then. I really like to learn new things, but I wish my teachers would understand that sometimes it takes a while for me to understand something and sometimes I need help."

Here’s some background to help understand her comments. My dd was the youngest in her grade in K-4 elementary school. She in now in the elementary school for 5th and 6th grades which combines the three K-4 schools in the district. She tested into algebra as a fifth grader last year, but she didn’t want to go into algebra because she would be the only one. As a result, she just skipped grade 6 math and went into 7th grade advanced math this year because two other students were also being subject accelerated. Like her, they were also both early entrants into first grade at a different K-4 school. They were going into the 7th grade class, so she wouldn’t be the only young one in the class. In her other subjects, she is in a gifted cluster, so this is the first year she is not in a “mixed ability” classroom, and she is much happier though still frustrated by the level of repetition.

Thank you so much for your answers. I will definitely use your thoughts in my project.
If you think of any more, let me know as I will be working on my silver award for a while.

Wow-- thanks for bumping this up. I keep meaning to have my DD answer your questions. I ask her if she can do this tomorrow.

DD9 says: I wish my teachers knew that just because we're gifted doesn't mean we're perfect with grades.

Hi!
I have a troop of 9 profoundly gifted Juniors. They are all in a gifted program at a stand alone school. I would be happy to have them answer your questions but as they are in an environment where their emotional, social, and educational needs are being met quite nicely, you might have different types of questions for them. Let me know if you do!
daytripper75@gmail.com

I dropped my D2 (freshman in college) an email to ask her, will let you know if she replies.

My personal experience is that finding a way for a gifted kid to "go faster" so they don't have to wait for everyone else or practice the same concepts they understand again and again would have been the number 1 thing I would have told my teachers. And the best part about being gifted is impressing people when I can understand something really complicated and analyze/sort out the problem that no one else could.

DD10 says she wishes that her teacher would understand that being gifted is really about seeing the world in a different way, not being smarter than everyone else.

what they most wish their teacher would understand about them and/or what they like/dislike about being gifted.

Okay, DD14 says (pardon the poor or jumbled transcription-- I type about 50% as fast as she TALKS):

what I do like... I like the fact that being gifted is associated with lots of free time. While school is a priority, sure-- if you feel like putting in the time with a particular teacher/project, you'll get an A+, great, but most peoples' 80% effort is like a C or B, but if you're gifted, it's still an A, usually. More time to do what I want.

With the exception of some creative things, it means being able to just LOOK at stuff and be able to DO that. (She reflects that maybe this isn't as true as it used to be. Maybe it's a high LOG thing.)

At very high LOG, you can do pretty much anything. You can look at something, even in an area of marginal interest/ability (for you) and go 'Yeah. I got this.' So ALL of those doors are effectively open to you. Which is cool. But also a problem-- because-- choices.

It's nice to be able to CHOOSE anything whatsoever, though.

What I don't like-- about 70% of what comes out of my mouth, unfiltered, even with people who know how smart I am, go "WHAT?? You are SUCH a freak."

You become romantically (or just platonically) interested in others because they are wonderful people, but they can't keep up with you, no matter how hard they try-- and it never works, because you make them feel bad about themselves, which is AWFUL. You're always faced with the choice of "Do I dumb myself down continuously? DO I attach Harrison Bergeron style mental weights to myself so that I can hang out with these people, or do I be myself with no friends at all?"

People dump me because I make them feel bad. SOmetimes, it's people that would be able to be friends, if they hadn't seen you in class. They know. And you're ALWAYS 'that kid' in class. Always.

Some teachers hate you. Because you're "that kid." Some of that depends on your personality, of course. Sitting in teh corner quietly, teacher's don't usually hate... but you get bored. If you're an authority-pleaser, you chit-chat with the teacher and get to know them personally (because what else are you going to do when you only need about 20% of the class time to haul in an A??), and they start treating you more like a friend than a student. That might not be the most professional thing, but-- they don't really have much to do for you/with you as a STUDENT... you're done with what they can teach you, and you're both just stuck with it. But the other kids notice. Brown-nosing, butt-kisser... except you're not, because you're just bored.

The OTHER choice if you're bored is that you can be disruptive. THe class clown, the cool kid. Verbally showing up the teacher is stuff that classmates LOVE... but... um... the teacher will HATE you. Some teachers will truly hate you.

It's a catch-22. If you're gifted, you have three choices-- learn to depend solely on yourself and be solitary, you can rely on the teacher (adults) for interpersonal contact but it doesn't make you friends for a birthday party or anything, or you can be the kid that EVERYONE else loves but that adults hate.

So there's no great way to navigate school (unless you're in a class of them) and survive socially if you are at a high LOG.

What do I wish that teachers knew?

While I may be CAPABLE of learning the material with your instruction in 25% of the time as everyone else, you still can't just HAND me the textbook and say "learn that."

That just doesn't work for me. Sorry.

I wish that I knew that they knew that at 11, I was 20 in terms of thinking about some things, but that at the same time, I could literally LOSE things that I was hanging onto because my executive functions are those of an 8yo at the same time.

I wish that they understood that this doesn't mean that I'm ADHD or in need of *medicating*.

I wish that they knew that they can't just WHIP the other kids to do what I do. It just makes them-- and ME-- miserable when teachers do that. I hate being held up as a paragon like that.

I wish that elementary teachers knew that if they are lousy mentors when I'm with them as a little kid, they are ROBBING my secondary teachers of the respect that I probably would otherwise have had. If I learn not to respect my teachers, I transfer that lesson to other teachers.

If I'm sitting on my own reading a book, that's not an indicator that I need HELP for being socially inept. Nor is it an indicator (necessarily) that I am CHOOSING to be alone and prefer that. I wish that they knew that it means that I like to read. It might mean that I'm not getting what I need, or that I have no other good options.

I wish that teachers would listen to the parents of gifted kids-- my mom and dad usually knew what would help both me and the teacher, but too few teachers wanted to listen.

DD12: I wish my teachers wouldn't single me out by having me help other students or grade other people's work. I had teachers doing that when I was in second grade and I still have that happen. Also, I wish people would understand that I am not always going to get everything completely right.

DS10: The other kids always think I always get every single problem right, but sometimes I get one or two wrong.

I wish my kids' teachers knew how very little work my kids put into their classes and how much my kids know about their subjects before they even step into their classes. And it is not because I taught my kids those things, but because they somehow just know.

Also, I wish my kids' teachers knew that my kids will learn pretty much anything that is put in front of them, whether they have "holes" in their background knowledge or not. In fact, my kids wish they had more holes to fill in.

When I was a gifted kid I desperately wished to be allowed to do classes and activities with my friends, who were usually a couple of years older than me. I was often in tears with frustration because everything was grouped by age rather than ability, and I was every bit as mature (if not more so) than my friends.

That's a great quote! So very true!

DD has finished her Silver Award Project, and has created a website to get the word out. Below is the link, please check it out and share as you see fit.

Thanks again for your help in getting her started with this.

Gifted Education Awareness

Nice job, to your DD!

I do have to say that I found it charmingly GT of her to design a speech and slide presentation that assumed that the audience would be able to simultaneously listen to her and read slides with complementary but unique information on them.😎

But seriously, it's an excellent presentation.

Excellent presentation - very articulately and confidently delivered!

I agree - it's a great presentation! (Although I was tempted to slow down the video by 10% or so to be able to follow it better - she moves at quite a clip!) This is really well-done, and should be a credit to her. I hope that she is successful in presenting it to the people who really need to see it.

She was afraid if she talked more slowly people would just play it at 1.5 speed, so she talked faster

Unfortunately, none of the schools around here allowed her to come and do presentations to the teachers, but she is sending them the link to her webpage in hopes some will get to see it.

Has she tried calling around to university teacher training programs, and asking if she can come in and present, either as a snippet of a class (perhaps in courses on exceptionalities, or diversity/multicultural topics (challenges faced by GT learners are multiplied when they are also members of a minority), school and society, differentiation/universal design for learning), or in a presentation to a student group (e.g., the education honor society Kappa Delta Pi: https://www.kdp.org/)?

She might find more responsiveness there. Plus, it's easier to reach people earlier in their careers.