hello,
As I find my family slightly unusual as far as how little time our kiddos get computer/ipad/phone/tv time, I wanted to ask you folks what your thoughts and experiences are. I hope while asking you this, I do not offend anyone as is not my intention to do so and I do not feel that what we are doing is the better way (actually starting to have self doubts) but as I do not really have anyone to discuss this with, I would love to hear your thoughts.

In our household, we do not have cable and what we watch primarily if we, the parents do at all, are programs such as PBS masterpiece, documentaries and movies on Netflix if time allows for that on the weekends. I do spend too much time on the computer however. The kids get very little time in front of the TV as they are usually busy with school and extra curricular activities. My DS8 has never been too interested in TV (unless it is something like how it's made or mythbusters and he has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. After much reading and research on giftedness, I am starting to question this disagnosis, but I digress. He loves games such as Minecraft however, but I do limit this to once a week for about an hour.
My DD6 (recently tested as HG+) LOVES tv. Anything and everything on TV will attract her rapt attention. If she hears a youtube video teaching a recipe, for example, she will come running without fail - well, unless she is reading. It happens in restaurants, waiting lobbies, etc. We often have to strategically seat her so that she is not facing these screens when we eat out so she will get something in her mouth. But that often fails as she manages to contort her body in the strangest position so she can get her screen fix.

Because my husband was diagnosed with ADD (which happened after we got together due to me asking him to pursue this avenue..I mean why else could a highly intelligent person be so disorganized, constantly be late, have trouble with rote memorization at school - this was before I really knew what gifted could mean and so I also wonder if this was a correct diagnosis) I have been determined not to let the kiddos, in particular DD, have to much TV time as I have read that this can contribute to children developing ADHD. Both kids have an incredible amount of energy and they cannot sit still. DS is always fidgeting and DD, well I wonder how she can move and talk ALL DAY the way she does.

The biggest reason for the lack of screen time in our house however is due to an experience I encountered a few years ago, when my DD was about 2.5 years old. Up to then, the kids had leapfrogs games and they would play an odd hour here or there. I was at a playground with her and I saw a mother approach with her young child in a stroller; I would say she was approximately 7 to 8 months old. I was immediately attracted to them because the baby was holding her phone and was intently watching a music video which I could hear coming from it. The mother promptly took her out of the stroller, and proceeded to plunk her down into a swing. I was so fascinated by the interaction between the two because whilst the mother was pushing her on the swing, the baby was so intently engrossed with the phone that she not once looked up at her and indicated her pleasure of being pushed. Up to this point, I had never seen a child with a lack of response on the swing and it kind of unnerved me, simply put.
After that day, I started to notice just how many kids are disconnected with their families, in particular their parents because of their engagement with phones, etc. I almost always see kids on phones in restaurants, while waiting for their food, or even playing with them when they should be eating. I see ipads snuggled in "child friendly" cases with stands, placed right in front so that parents can eat in peace. I often find for us, that these moments are prime for having interesting in-depth discussions with our kids and we also like to play words games such as come up with a new word from the last letter that the previous person has said, etc. I noticed how most if not all kids in my kids Taekwondo class are immediately on their phones whilst waiting for a sibling to finish their lessons. I sometimes see kids reading or doing their homework but those kids tend not to ever have phones on. One of my best friends has a DS that is constantly watching TV or playing with the phone. When they came over a sleepover last year (they live about 3 hours away), her DS cried and asked why he couldn't have the his phone to watch videos before falling asleep like he usually does. My son was quietly watching and observing this. I have never said anything to her but she tells me how he doesn't like to read and is really behind in reading at school, and that makes me want to tell her to shut the things off, but I feel I do not want her to think I am judging her parenting style.

My kids are both advanced readers, and I am not sure if it is a result of the lack of screen time in our home. However, getting to the main point of this post, I am starting to wonder if I am excessively withholding "technology" from their lives. We just moved to an fairly affluent neighborhood from the SF bay area and many of kids have their own devices at home or school. Most kids I see in my DS classroom are pretty saavy on the computer and I can see how far he is behind on navigating on the computer, typing up reports, etc. I also started letting my DD have a litte time on the ipad everyday so she can explore brainpopjr. I still discourage them from going on the computer the local library in order to play games, and I can see they think it's totally unfair when so many kids are on them.

We are thinking of getting a laptop for them soon, and due to common core, teachers are expecting a certain mastery on the computers these days. My question is how much is too much? Did I inadvertently hold them back by preventing them time for self discovery on topics of interest on the web? I guess I am concerned that once I allow more computer time, they are not going to want to read as much. Would love to hear any of your thoughts on this. Sorry this post is so long!

Screen time is a big issue for me too. IMO, it simply can't be a good thing that some children are growing up not knowing how to entertain themselves, without a screen, for little stretches of time. Also, what I have noticed, is that my kids come up with some of the most creative ideas and projects when they are "bored" without any devices.

In our house, we teach moderation. So that means 1 hour a day of screen time. You get to choose how you use it: TV show, Minecraft, youtube, games (with adult supervision of course). We also teach moderation of other things. You get to have soda once a week and ice cream once a week too (not on the same day though!). Of course there are some times when exceptions are made, ex. during illness (lots more screen time) or birthday parties (ice cream and soda in the same day).

My kids will absolutely NOT be getting their own devices until they can pay for them. I expect around 12-13 they will be motivated enough to pay for a device.

As far as not reading as much if they get computer time - my son does his 1 hour on the computer and then proceeds to read 4-5 hours straight on the weekends. Doesn't seem to be making a dent in reading.

And no, I don't think you have held your children back by not allowing them screen time. I always explain to my children that every family is different. My son has a friend who has to bathe every day. This is one of the most horrible things that my DS7 can imagine being inflicted on him, at this point. This same friend can seemingly play unlimited video games. But it's the bathing once a day that sticks out to my son. My son is happy to be in our family, where you only get 1 hour of screen time, but you are not forced to bathe every single day. Different family, different rules.

I do believe that electronic usage can be both abused and neglected, with significant negative consequences for both, and achieving moderation is key. Being overly restrictive can sometimes backfire, too... forbidden fruit.

I generally do not police my DD's usage because she self-regulates well. She's very outgoing and active, and those forces pull her away from the electronics after more than an hour. She sometimes has friends over who want to watch TV or play Minecraft all day, and after a while she loses her patience with them and drives them outside. Naturally, we monitor this balance, we commend her when she's doing well, and we send her off to do something active on the occasions where she gets out of whack.

Each parent has to regulate it as appropriate for their own child's nature.

First of all, using a computer is part of nearly every job nowadays. It is how we communicate and how we express our thoughts. While mediums such as watercolor and calligraphy are beautiful, the practical norm--the fountain pen and manila paper of the 21st century so to speak, or the typewriter and post office--is a net-connected computer.

For this reason both of my children learn appropriate skills.

That said we also have no screen time, other than typing school projects, on school days, and it's limited on weekends.

But they both know how to use a menu, a mouse, a touch pad, how to save a document and retrieve it, how to make a capital letter, and so on. That's important. Those are life skills now.



Lots of people are like that. To me ADD is when you cannot function in life--when you cannot compensate for your procrastination with other tools, when you cannot have a relationship, etc. It's a disorder because it prevents you from functioning, not to your "full potential" (whatever that means) but from making progress towards normal life goals, such as passing 7th grade. That might have been your husband. For me, I was everything you describe, and the main consequence were slightly lower grades than my SAT scores predicted, and lots of late nights due to procrastination.

Imperfection is not a disorder. That's just life. Nobody's good at everything.

I have trouble understanding how a highly intelligent person could allow their brain to be limited by rote, disconnected material without deep semantical contexts, or shackled to a schedule that requires consistency and constrains spontanaeity, or numb their creativity by living in a dead space with things hidden and organized. It baffles me, but I know there are people like this. Maybe it's OCD?

As to electronics, we have full on buffet with no limits. I so rarely see any studies that actually are design to included gifted and especially highly gifted as a part of their design in evaluating potential impacts of anything on kid's development. If they don't, I take their results with a grain of salt.

If schools have a technology class, I don't imagine any harm in limiting electronics outside of school.

Just to tick off some benefits to technology access:

- Technological awareness - bridges the "digital divide"
- Excellent learning tool, particularly for visual learners
- Social grease - provides children with opportunities for shared experiences/interests to foster relationships
- Computer games are linked to development of advanced, creative problem-solving skills

So, just as excessive access to electronics can crowd out important things such as social interaction, imaginative play, and exercise, excessive regulation of electronics can crowd out some of the benefits indicated above.

Likewise, I'd be genuinely worried if my DD was reading for 4 hours a night, because that's time that she's not getting exercise, interacting, etc.

I know we all as a family have way too much screen time but that's simply who we are. Our TV is always on except for when we're doing school work (homeschool) or when we're reading. We would enforce stricter rules if the boys really didn't want to do anything else but they are both really good about dropping the screen and playing with toys or doing something creative. And I LOVE having iPad for homeschooling. We have Kindle fire and Nook for fun and iPad for learning. Our kids don't have the patients to learn from people, including me, but they instantly absorb information that comes to them from the screen. I was the same when I was a child. I couldn't stand people trying to explain things to me. I had to figure everything out on my own. And all this technology gives them a chance to do just that and beyond.
That said, we do have friends whose kids will just sit in front of the TV or computer and get this blank stare on their face and they are in trans. They don't seem to be learning anything, they are just there to watch. If that was the case with our boys, we'd just turn the screens off. At that point I'd find it useless and even harmful.

I'm reluctant to limit screen time because screened devices now occupy several of my formerly non-screen activities, like reading the news, correspondence, banking, and research. Where DS is active in engaging with technology, like reading, solving puzzles with me, or discussing interesting videos, I see screen time and non-screen time as effectively interchangeable.

DS2.25 enjoys digital hidden picture puzzles and apps that offer interactive content comparable to material found in high quality children's nonfiction. We turn to YouTube or Wikipedia several times a day to investigate new concepts as they arise organically from discussions or books. Because of the relevance of accessing the content when it first comes up, I think my DS has a much richer concept of many topics than even children who are several years older than him. He has two shows he loves, and he watches these with rapt attention, and he's showing the ability to attend to and enjoy/appreciate some nonfiction adult programming, like Nova and National Geographic.

That being said, our media time is sprinkled throughout the day in small doses. It's seen as a tool and information portal, not a stand-alone source of entertainment. Our approach may well evolve as DS matures, but this approach has worked well for a 2 year old.

Agreed, in fact I'm not sure I've seen any really good studies of the negative affects of computer usage on kids, other than the obvious affect of not being active at that time.

We have allowed our ds to use his handheld games for connecting with other kids when other avenues appeared exhausted. Social connection via computers might be weird to some people, but it might be one of the most powerful uses of computers for gifted folks.

Just saying. (here. on the computerized forum.)

Personally, I don't care if there are studies or not. When I see adults or kids so involved in their online life that they lack the common manners of engaging with the humans around them, I know there is a thing as too much! I'm bothered when my son goes to friends' homes to play and the kids doesn't even interact with him because they won't get off their iPods. Or sitting at the Thanksgiving table and the relatives are more interested in carring on a FB chat than being polite. I don't want to raise a child like that, and I know only too well that too much screen time leads to an inability to concentrate. Reading on the screen, multi-tabbing, has made me struggle to concentrate on dense reading material. I'm too used to "reading" things in little snippets. My brain only expects to have to think in little jaunts anymore.

And forget the argument that they will be behind with technology. Using an iPad doesn't exactly involve having technological prowess. Hand one to any toddler and see how fast they pick it up. Using Word or the Internet doesn't take much skill either. Sure, there is a lot more than that to technology, and I'm all for kids learning programming, and not being afraid of turning on a computer (like my dad). But I've seen that disengaged baby too many times myself. I've been that person online who is to engrossed with worthless garble to pay attention when my sweet boy just wants to play with me.

Oh sure, it's so easy to get sucked into the line that there is so much wonderful useful information online. But in the end, I don't give a crap if my DS learned to read in 20 different languages because of some unprecedented technology and access to information, if he can't even look up and smile, and step away from it when I enter the room. I want to raise a human--loving, connected, and present. I want to model being that human to him as well. It is so hard in this day and age and I am more and more for limiting technology as time goes on.

Portia, when my kids friends were all about star wars I assumed they'd seen the films. No, just like Disney princess talk it's more about how they play aroundwiththe archetypes than being experts on the source material.
yes yes yes yes yes yes.

My aim is to help my kids learn to regulate themselves around technology, so that they become adults who use it in appropriate ways. Prohibiting it altogether stands in the way of this aim. So does allowing overuse. We are treading a middle road in our house...

My husband has ADHD too and he didn't get too much screen time. He does have dysgraphia and was labeled a school "loser," (even with the diagnosis) which resulted in him emotionally dropping out and about 20 years of depression, which he is over. He's doing great now, but he did lose a lot of time.

I don't credit screen time with his problems. I wish his parents were better advocates, but I don't believe they had it in them. My daughter is very much like him, with better parent advocates only because we've seen the problems firsthand.

We don't watch much television, but I don't know what we'd do without screen time. I don't want to push my (kindergarten) daughter at home, nor do I want to advocate for her strengths at school because I want to be able to advocate for her weaknesses (writing and drawing).

The iPad and computer provide really fun ways for her to work at her own pace and make her own choices without parental involvement. Games/apps she likes include Brain Pop, Lumosity, Mystery Math Town, Reading Rainbow, Code Academy, Starfall, ToonTalk, and Grammar Jammar. She also does a lot of research. The question of the day yesterday was when the first cigarette was invented and whether you could smoke on the moon. Sometimes she asks me for help finding answers, but we also find she can actually look things up in Google even though she can't spell. The Chrome browser fills in words pretty well.

She is also allowed to watch free TV on Amazon Prime and play with mind numbing games. The rule is that she can't spend too much time on mind numbing stuff. So if she starts to do that, I just say enough with the iPad. In addition, we've talked a lot about addiction and how gaming companies can tweak games to encourage addictive behaviors and how the in-app "buy now" button is a warning to "click the x and get out of there."

I feel like these devices allow her access more information and to teach herself to the extent that she wants to. I don't feel like a pushy mom and because it is fun, she's learning without me feeling like I'm supplementing when she needs free time.

I do keep my ears open, especially with Brain Pop and the individual research (just like I pay a lot of attention to the books she reads). If something seems off content-wise, I redirect. Also, using an iPad at a restaurant or at the playground...we just don't do that. I think there is a difference between not using a device inappropriately and not using a device at all.

thank you all for your experiences and thoughtful responses. Considering my husband and many of our friends are in STEM fields, we certainly feel a bit unconventional at times. Phey, I have the same feelings as you illustrated in your post!
But I am realizing that letting them have some free rein on the computers/Ipad will not turn them into electronic zombies if managed correctly.

I was also concerned that having kids to online "work" would create less interest and focus on doing work on paper, such as homework, but perhaps this silly assumption?

Can any of you give recommendations on good parental control software for Macs? thanks!

There is really nothing to be offended about. Every parent is entitled to their own opinions on childrearing. Personally, my children has unlimited screen time but the two younger ones are already ten. I find that they are very interested in learning and the internet in particular provides a way for them to teach themselves whatever they wish to learn. These kids also read a lot and don't necessarily choose screen time over books. I also find that it is another way for them to learn to make decisions, including how to allocate their time and schedule in what they need to do (homework, practice, etc.) Having written all that, I just need to add that I did limit screen time at much younger ages (until around age 7 or so) in order to establish the reading habit and encourage development of other skills. I also felt that they did not have the self-discipline or judgment to not over-indulge at younger ages.

Back to your question, the lack of screen time could be a bad thing if it removes an avenue of learning for your child. Screen time is also helpful for strengthening of friendships since that's how my kids communicate with their classmates/friends.

This really depends so much on the child in question that I don't think you can judge what will work for another family.

I know kids who would literally let the screen suck their lives away and others who need to be pried away to work on their social skills (usually teenagers). My daughter is good at self regulating and dealing with some things (Minecraft, Dr. Who), but not others (anything Disney TV -- now forbidden in our house). She's good about being present for her friends, but some of her friends aren't. When she had a backyard "camping" sleepover last summer, she insisted on a no devices rule for her guests and herself. And since I didn't let them in the house except to use the bathroom, there was no TV either.

Before we had our daughter, we decided that we would absolutely not have screen time or use TV as a babysitter (said with all the smug assurance of people who don't have kids yet). After we had her, we found ourselves saying things like "sweetie, wouldn't you like to sit still for a few minutes and watch a show with us... maybe give us all a break?"

Amen!! Some lessons only experience can teach.

Screentime close to bedtime and having a computer in a child's room have been found to negatively affect sleep.

I do give my kids to some screen media in part to give them social capital. They were much more limited as young toddlers. I really think there is too much crucial brain growth happening at 0-3 to spend vast chunks of time in front of a screen. It may not be so bad, but we have very little data.

We have had screen media feel in and out of balance here. We had a game that really obsessed the kids for a while, and they pestered us a lot about playing it. I think they would have played 2+ hours a day if allowed (the game really is addictive, even for adults). Not cool with me. OTOH, they are not very interested in TV at all.

And it is possible to not do TV with a toddler. DD got virtually zero TV till, I don't know, 4? DS got some after age 2--more than I liked, actually--because my needed work time was more than my available daycare time.

My ex also has ADHD (diagnosed as a child, and again as an adult) so we didn't let DD have screen time at all until she was 2.5. Sadly, she's still about the most ADHD kid you ever met, but I'd say she came by it fairly enough given her genetics. All that said, it certainly never hurt her to not have access to screened devices as a young child. I can't actually think of any way it would have benefited her to have screen time. From 2.5 to 3.5 she got to watch TV about half an hour per day, and since then her interaction with TV and computers has really been low and sporadic. However, minimal screen access has not prevented her from learning age-appropriate computer skills.

FWIW mobile devices are so incredibly user-friendly that my son learned to fully operate our android tablet in a few hours, just after turning 3, before he could read. He also had no screen time until after age 2, and has only since age 3.5 been allowed to use the computer sporadically to access edutainment.

I honestly don't feel like gifted kids have any greater need to access screen time than other kids most of the time. On days my daughter (then 7) was not in summer camp and I was working at home last year, it was handy for me to let her play on dreambox or codeacademy for a couple hours at a time. But that was all about the circumstances at play.

I think that you need to find a balance. A child in this day and age needs to know how to operate a computer or other electronics that might be beneficial in the future. TV, eh, I think you can take it or leave it, as TV doesn't require any real skill or knowledge. Before my daughter was born, I said I wasn't going to do any screen time until two years old. Ha. My daughter watches more TV at times than I'd prefer, but I am also a work at home mom of two now and as much as I'd love to be the perfect wonder woman, I am not. My daughter has learned a great deal from pretty much all electronic mediums that she uses. She can navigate her laptop (she plays starfall.com only), she has an ipod touch with educational games and she watches ONLY educational television. My daughter also LOVES books. She will look at endless books. She is three and she is a beginner reader. She plays board games, she does tons of imaginative play, and she loves the outdoors. While, as I said, I wish we had less TV on, I don't feel she's been harmed in any way. Life is about balance.

Go to settings, and you can set up parental controls for each user that controls the amount of time per day the child can use the computer, the applications that are allowed, which web sites they can visit, who they are allowed to contact by message and email, and a few other things.

We find it works very well for our twins, who are in early elementary.

My DS7 has been doing rainbow loom tutorials on youtube for the last week in a kind of obsessive way. Actually rainbow loom in general has been kind of an obsession but I let her do it because it is a combination of learning and doing. My DS9 watches way too much useless tv- I want him to watch cosmos but he would rather watch phineas and ferb (but at least they invent things!) and I am trying to get him to do other things by limiting how much screen (tv and computer) that he gets. If he is on the computer he wants to play Minecraft. So I watch Cosmos and make him read a book

Anyway, it is an ongoing struggle at my house, just trying to set/keep limits and boundaries. Good advice for me from someone posting on the thread previously about modeling good screen habits. I don't watch much TV but I am a computer addict.... I have explained to my kids that I do a lot of different tasks using the computer- like getting recipes (I don't have cookbooks anymore), answering letters to friends, learning a skill, figuring out how to get a stain out of their clothing, etc. so while it looks like I am staring into a box I am not actually playing a video game I am using the computer for different tasks.

I certainly allow my DS15 too much screen time now that he is a teenager. Most of this is time computer and games (DS, Wii, Nintendo). Both DH & I spend a lot of time on the computer, and I find unrealistic to tell a teenager to do as I say but not as I do. We watch occasional movies, but little TV.

When my son a toddler/preschooler he watched very little TV/movies and when he did it was mostly nature documentaries. He had his favorite shows, and a few favorite computer games. Tablets didn't exist, cell phones were just phones. I didn't like those educational "tablets" or other electronic push the buttons games. I even got him his first DS later than most kids his age. I broke down and got him one when I was dragging him to a LOT of sports events for his sister.

I certainly think it's very easy to give kids these days too much screen time, and probably hard to not give them enough.

well I am super jealous, my kids watch way too much tv, I'm not proud and it never used to be this way but anyway, it's a needs must situation.

Just wanted to say though, and I have no citation for this so maybe someone can help me out, the kink between ADHD is not necessarily causal. In fact it is believed in some circles that children who have ADHD seek out tv as it is a stimulant and helps them focus. - Could be wrong but I remember reading this within the last 12 months

We tend to restrict screen time somewhat but not excessively so.

Our DD has been a Rainbow Loom addict and YouTube could be called glueTube as far as that is concerned. I have also relented and purchased Minecraft to help her gain social capital. She also plays chess on the computer and does her AoPS pre-algebra class.

I grew up in the UK in the Seventies and TV or 'The Telly' as it was called was used as a pacifier/ babysitter quite extensively but with limits. TV these days just doesn't compare quality-wise to the BBC and ITV programming then. As a result DD watches zero Cable TV except sports games but we have a Rokuwhich allows us to watch commercial free documentaries and movies. This is used as a reward for good behaviour and is entirely provisional on it every Friday evening.

As a family we will also play on our Wii too and this one does have to be watched and regulated - too much of this seems to follow an pattern of overexcitement leading eventually to overtiredness with resultant bad behaviour.

First of all, I suspect that people with ADHD are attracted to screens, and they don't necessarily CAUSE ADHD. For DD in particular, they seem to calm her down.

That being said, my kids would be on games like Minecraft all day if I didn't limit it, so I started making them EARN screen time. Otherwise, they don't get any. Right now DS is reading a chapter book that he wouldn't have normally chosen himself because I told him he could play Terraria if he reads the whole book (usually a short chapter book will buy him about an hour of screen time). Once the kids are sick of "earning" screen time, they find something else to do, like play outside, play with other toys, annoy me :), etc.

I do think screen time has a lot of benefits. I think my kids have learned a lot from games like Minecraft, Coolmath4kids, math and reading teaching websites (like ixl.com or Razkids.com), etc. They have also started researching things, like DS has been on the NASA website reading about space stations and rockets. He like the interactive features that you wouldn't get from a book.

DS8 has always wanted new information beyond anything else. At 3 he suddenly became crazed for the tv because it provided new inputs. Once I started going to the library and bringing home 30 picture books a week he calmed down. Since that frustration he has never been excessively demanding of screens. What has been interesting has been watching his preferences - he went through a phase for certain tv shows, cyberchase, word girl, phineas and ferb - then it was iPad apps - now it's wikis - he got started on bathe with phineas and ferb, towards the end, he preferred reading about the episodes rather than watching them! He finished the HP series and is now devouring the wikis. He flat out refuses to do minecraft - everyone's doing it! But for him it's never been the platform, it's about the material. The screen itself does not capture him, it's the material - if that's good he is hooked, regardless of platform.

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