I keep reading it is so important for gifted kiddos to spend some of their time with other children of similar ability and age...how did you find other gifted children (especially with a younger child who is homeschooled?)

My daughter has met gifted friends or further connected with gifted kids in a number of places, church, ballet, through the piano teacher and space camp. I expect that anywhere you would expect to find intelligent children, you will end up running into certain ones on more than one occasion. If there is a local homeschool group, if you listen the other parents, you will discover who is homeschooling because their child is advanced.

I'm with you OP, peers are impossible to find! Especially if you break it down further than just being 'gifted', or the Xth percentile, and you're after specific age or gender or interests or temperaments. Not to mention we're in a small country so we're fishing in a pretty small pond ... very small clever delightful science-maths-history-buff girls are very hard to come by!

My son has only two gifted friends, one from school, who has since moved interstate for a year; and one whose mum I met through a gifted group on Facebook. AvoCado is right about the different levels of giftedness and interests: the fellow mathy one isn't as gifted, and the friend that is to his level is verbally gifted.

Mana, that really sounds like a good plan.

Honestly, depending on a child's LOG and the size of the area in which you live-- that is, the size of the pond, as AvoCado helpfully put it--your child's friendships are likely to take one of three paths:

a) "good enough" and domain-specific/shared-interest friends-- they may be similar age or not, but have some shared interest/ability/developmental level in common and both parties can live with the other differences. This type of friend is NEVER going to be a soulmate, though, and your child is eventually likely to 'grow' past the other party, which is painful. Most other gifted students are in this category for kids with high LOG.

b) one-way friendships-- your child IS the friend to his/her friends, but in spite of all that they get out of the friendship, your child feels that the friendships are missing something critical, or are hollow somehow. Generally the other party is unaware that the friendship feels anything but genuine. This is, (I hypothesize) due to different developmental levels socially. Davidson and SENG both discuss this in their materials about friendships, and I've seen it time and time again in my DD14. Most non-gifted-- and some MG-- kids are in this category.

c) Friends who eventually become so insecure that they turn into something harmful to your child-- jealous/envious frenemies who passive-aggressively undermine and pick at your child. This is a VERY real phenomena, and a child who places value on his/her loyalty won't necessary enforce boundaries and shed the friend when they should-- parents may need to step in and gently discuss healthy relationships and boundaries. Tiger-parented or status-conscious peers whose identity is "I'm smarter than others" tend to be this type.

d) True peers. This begs the question, though-- "in what sense of the word?" Intellectually? Cognitively? Socially? Most kids who are EG/PG only find such peers in programs or activities specifically intended for kids at this LOG. This is where summer camps and other away-from-home things come into play. Luckily, those kids can maintain contact throughout the year with modern social media and e-mail/Skype, etc.

My DD14 has never had a "best friend." Not one that is in the true peer category, I mean. She has only met a couple of other PG youngsters, and only one of them is a chronological peer (well, almost). The two of them share pretty much no interests, and are socially/philosophically at opposite poles. Not much chemistry between them, sadly. (And I mean that for both of them, actually.)

The closest friendships my DD has had have been with HG children a few years older than she is-- or with 2e kids 2-6 years older. She has learned to be choosy about another person's level of inclusiveness and prosocial behaviors.

We are hopeful that college will bring more opportunities for authentic friendships that have the depth that she has been seeking.

HK,

You nailed the friendship types.

Ditto.

extra-curriculars are the only place DD5 has found real friends so far - and it's because of the ability-grouping, rather than age-grouping. her dance friends are years older than her, and it works really well: they dance, they play, they read, they joke around - it's awesome.

this year in Pre-K she experienced a boatload of HK's aptly categorized (b) friends and it was so hollow and sad. her teachers saw her as the most popular kid in the class - and DD saw herself as the kid with no friends.

Yes, over the years, the vast majority of my DD's friends have been of the B type. It makes her very lonely and sad. This is an area where we've had to do a LOT of discussion with her about the fact that not 'feeling it' doesn't mean she's a sociopath or anything-- it just means that her needs as a person aren't met by the relationship, and that the other peer in most cases just isn't capable (yet) of going there to begin with.

She seems to understand that last bit instinctively-- she seldom demands more than another individual can give (in fact, she is terrific with kids who have limitations, because of that characteristic) but I can see quite easily that most kids would need specific assistance with that.

Many other posters over the years have had their kids get angry/frustrated with peers who can't reciprocate what a high LOG child is looking for and offering.

hee - we had this exact conversation last week! "mummy, am i a sociopath?" uh, given the fact you feel desperate empathy for the predicament of a) bugs squished by cars b) people in prison and c) Voldemort - probably not.

This board has been eating at me for a couple of days now. It does, however, make me thankful for where I live because it sounds like you all don't live in very nice places. My DD10 has had a mixed experience. She has only had one friend who unfortunately was the only other girl in her small class who was very jealous of her and would at times make her miserable, but I was actually thankful for the experience because my daughter had to learn to take pride in who she was and the gifts God gave her. She also had to learn to stand up for herself. But mostly, her friends are great. They are not "gifted" but intelligent and one likes to read the same books but she is a couple of years older. She also thankfully has a pretty strict parents so I don't have to worry about what kinds of things she is exposed to and talking about with my child. The other friend is a social butterfly but is a great friend. My daughter will talk about the nerdiest things and her friend is always cheerful and encouraging and tells her how great her accomplishments are even if the subject matter is not at all interesting to her. My daughter is just as supportive to her friend in her acting interests. However, when they get together, they are silly and creative and have lots of fun. A friend does not have to have the same interest as your child but just find kids who will allow your son to just be himself around them. That is how it seems like my DD10 relates to most kids around her and it works out great.

Is there an extracurricular activity that he enjoys that he is reasonably good at but wouldnt be the best? My daughter played softball and she was pretty good but not the best and it was very good for her. In many extracurriculars there is a larger age range than school so it also allows them to participate in something with kids interested in the same thing that are a little older.

My DD8, we are homeschooling because she couldnt really relate well to the kids in her class. They are quite a bit sillier than her but she has a strong independent personality. She had trouble with the girls on her gymnastics team because she was much more serious and competitive. Thankfully, she moved up in that a couple of extra levels and now is with girls that are more competitive and focused, with the homeschooling we are hoping she will be a bit better off She does a lot better around kids just a little bit older than her, but they dont have to be as smart.

Well describe, MON. This is a common phenomenon in our school (and among some of the moms); while it is probably a minority of the kids employing this strategy, it obviously affects the entire student body. Until your kid "finds their footing" as MON describes, it is pretty horrible. But watching the self-confidence developed as one learns to stand up and go their own way is pretty great, too.