I think I posted this in the wrong spot before? Anyone ever feel like they are not meant to interact with other humans? Like an alien... I've had one mental health professional tell me I have ADD (Mild to moderate) and one tell me I am gifted, though my IQ scores indicate otherwise. She explained giftedness is about how one approaches things, not a score on a test. Either way, I identify with the emotional intensity and was hoping there is someone else out there who knows how it feels to have teh best of intentions and desperately want social situations to run smoothly but can't help but often feel alone, out of place or inadequate. An alien.
Thanks

Somewhat, yes. Most people follow paths of reasoning that I don't, easily. I feel like I'm always reverse-engineering their statements to figure out what they meant. I spent years learning to slow down my associations so I could participate in conversations. People kept saying what I said was a non sequitur. It wasn't, exactly. You just had to follow my thoughts through three or four jumps before I found something interesting enough to share.

I'm always sticking my foot in my mouth. I just wish people would speak plainly, say what they mean, so I can move on without trying to figure out how much of that friendliness was actually meant and how much was social nicety.

My brother, who probably has (is?) Asperger's, would probably agree much more strongly. I have taken to describing him as a space alien to my friends: he has a wonderful heart and the most sincere desire to be social, but has zero or even negative instincts on how people behave, what facial expressions mean and imply, etc.

Is one of these what you meant? Either way, it seems unlikely that you are alone!

I'm dating myself here, but do you know the song "Alone again, naturally"? That's often how I feel. I recently learned that some of my "friends" are intimidated when I'm around. So, now, I wonder if they want me around. Or, even worse, if they are friends. It is very hard when you unconsciously "know" more than the people you are around and never mean to sound like a "know-it-all" and then someone tells you that's how people perceive you. It then makes all social interactions hard because I'm constantly second-guessing what I'm about to say and then sometimes miss the opportunity in the conversation completetly because I'm concerned that what I want to say will be the wrong thing to say. Then, I'm told I'm "standoffish" and "aloof" because I don't participate in conversations.

Is this the kind of thing you mean? I, too, feel the intensity and find it hard to fit in anywhere.

I wouldn't blow off the ADD diagnosis, though, before you look into it fully (which maybe you have). It could be worth considering.

I have often thought that I don't belong here.

er... here, meaning earth. lol

I keep my mouth shut as much as possible.

This makes my life much smoother.

I'm not sure that "gifted adult" (or child, for that matter) and "alien" are mutually exclusive.

Yes, I'm one (or both) of those, myself. You are not alone.

Even among the gifted, there is huge variability in intellectual abilities. High ability and emotional intensity lend themselves to people becoming hyper-focused on a set of interests that will often not overlap, too. The result is that even in a group of gifted adults, you're likely to feel like an alien.

I often experience it myself, right here on this forum.

Yes, but at least we all seem to have that in common.

I'm emotionally intense myself, but am okay with most social situations (I don't love small talk with people with whom I have nothing in common). I don't generally feel like I am on the wrong planet, although I have been known to accidentally come off as aloof or slightly odd.

Please forgive me if I'm completely out of line, but could it be at all possible that you might have Asperger's? Your post did make me think of the name of this forum:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/

Sure! Absolutely. Cognition proceeds socialization - not just in terms of topics of interest, but also relating to reactivity and intensity. I'm much better now, but when I was younger I felt really... distant & unplugged. I just didn't get people.

I've changed a lot since and come out of my shell. I really think the difference for me was becoming a mother: parenthood is universally uniting. I understand other people now and finally I feel like I have common ground. Yay kids

I'm glad that worked for you! I thought I was doing OK as an adult, until I became a mom at playgrounds and found that I could only socialize with other scientists. Lawyers and full-time moms still baffled me. I eventually went back to work for the social aspect. Sigh.

I'm with Ljoy; I thought I was doing ok there, for a while. Then I had kids and realized who my friends are... let's just leave it at "not a representative sample of the population," shall we?

ljoy and Michaela - lol what an interesting topic (a thread on its own!).

I think for me, prior to kids, I felt like I had nothing in common with anyone. Mind you (this could be the difference) I never went to university (long story for the therapist's office, lol), so I was never connected with people like me (other than my sister). Then I had kids, sent them to a French Immersion / Montessori school that is populated by kids with educated parents, et voila... suddenly I could talk to people.

If anything, my parenting experience has made me feel more alien, not less, because it throws our parenting style and our child into stark relief.

And while I watch other parents harming their children in ways they don't even understand, I find myself liking earthlings even less than before.

I thought I was doing OK as an adult until I became a lawyer.

Dear Persephone,

We seem to have very similar circumstances, as far as that any time I attempt to verbalize my thoughts, the only reactions I receive are either a bewildered dismissal or a base reason why what I had just said is completely absurd. In fact, as I write this post, I am tearing up because I feel so unengaged.

I should provide some background. I am 27 years old, formerly a composer and musician. I had a breakdown of sorts, and left my conservatory when I was 21. Oh, and my SAT score was 1410/1600, but I didn't apply myself in high school since I knew I wanted to become a composer. So, after I left the conservatory, my parents provided me with some psychiatric support, and part of that package was an IQ test, on which I scored 160. After all of the testing, the doctors also said that I had dysthymic depression (you should look that up.... fun time), ADD (Attention deficit disorder (which is redundant), and "possibly a mild form of Asperger syndrome". Later, they tacked on Obsessive Compulsive disorder (again, redundant), along with post traumatic stress, from my breakdown in music. Since then, I have spent the last 6 or 7 years trying to put my mind back in order, and graduated from a public college (with a singularly pathetic GPA of 2.147)with a degree in political science. For the past year and a half I have lived with my parents, struggling to find a job that would utilize the abilities I have to offer.
In between my failed attempts at obtaining a job, I have occupied myself with such activities as dedicating time to brushing up my French, learning German and Italian; building statistical databases for online games to determine optimal strategy; creating an urban renewal plan for a nearby city; rewriting my state's constitution; calculating the electrical usage of all devices in my house and what to replace them with for optimal savings; determining the impact of President Obama's policies upon the US economy (please, let's not get into a political debate here); designing a means of preventing hurricanes from forming; assessing the military capabilities of Kazakhstan, developing a simple recipe and machine for mass producing dog treats from my house; rewriting several computer programs; creating a blueprint for a new prison facility; designing a new military vehicle; as well as numerous other projects that I have done, simply to keep my mind occupied.
I am still in therapy, and my therapist brought up a correlation I never heard of or thought about... ability vs. achievement. Most of the projects I just mentioned above, are unfinished. As I continue to sit here, wasting my life away because no one can see what ability I can provide them, my depression simply reiterates the fact that I have no achievements. I am likely doomed to live a life where I work at my family business, moving boxes of supplies from a palate, to a shelf, and then back again. This future is not because that's what I want or deserve, but because the world around me is too friggin dumb to listen to what I have to say or see the world from my, different, perspective.

Did you never wonder why people reference "the village idiot"? Its because the village kept the idiot around, while they kicked the smart people out and called them witches and heretics. Keep saying what you're saying, and keep saying it louder and louder. Oh, and a last piece of advice... I have found that it is easier to do something, first, and then have to explain it... rather than asking permission.

Lugh, you are definitely an alien who belongs in this forum! I hope you'll stick around and discuss things here!

Have you considered joining a think tank? I don't know how one applies, but it couldn't hurt to try.

Add me to the list of people who learned even more about how much I don't belong when I had kids. I cry when I even think about having to hang out and talk to "those moms", otherwise known as the PTA moms. It's high school all over again.

Look!

A younger non-lawyer version of me.

That is simply adorable.

Ain't that the truth...

I always felt like an alien too, though I have been somewhat fortunate that for the most part I have been the only person who didn't notice I was smart (some complicated family circumstances meant school was never a focus and I never did terribly well). Once I found out dd was HG+ some kindly people suggested this should not come as a surprise. Apparently the blank stares I used to get during conversation were because people had no idea how to respond - not because they were dumbfounded by my stupidity. Nor were people deliberately making poor decisions, or trying to incite me with poorly thought out ideas - they simply couldn't foresee or understand the consequences of what they proposed. This was a revelation and has made much more tolerant. Unfortunately I didn't figure any of it out until my 30s, when I had dd.

Having dd didn't make me feel less if an alien, but it has helped me understand why I am one. There is a beautiful piece on the issues experienced by gifted adults. I think it's quite well known, so apologies if it has been posted here before: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/can-you-hear-the-flowers-sing-issues-for-gifted-adults

Huh. (I wonder if the moms I chat with are also gifted?) Maybe that's the difference... Ours is a small school, too. Small and welcoming, and universally accepting.

Lots of moms have problems with PTA types. It's part of the nature of the school system.

Ahhhh... (yes!! lightbulb). The whole PTA thing is VERY political. For some reason I don't feel affected by it. It's part of the "in my own world" detachment, I guess. I think that's why I can connect without getting caught up... as soon as things get political I feel myself "unhooking." (a.k.a. I don't really care)

Well, though, high school felt exactly like that to me, as well.

Ahhhh.... your lips are still moving... how curious... I don't even need to participate for you to enjoy 'conversing' about this...

High school... meh. What a waste of time that was.

I think that my life peaked in high school (really middle school), so I can relate to people who say that was the best time of their lives.

Everything since then has been pretty miserable.