This is more a vent that anything else! When my daughter was little (well, she's still little at 4.5, but 'littler') my husband and I would speak in hushed tones about the day she might actually require even just a little less input from us. It'll happen over time we thought, as she gets bigger she'll become more self contained, she'll come to enjoy her wonderful imagination and see the limitations of ours - surely she will, we thought.

She hasn't... Instead she has become more and more intense and her play needs more complex. Sometimes, like today, it seems like she NEVER stops talking (she's still talking right now, without me in the room!). Similarly, her imagination never shuts down. My husband, dd and I have been living in an endless role play for the past 2 years - non stop. The characters have changed along the way (depending on which books series we're reading usually), but we are all assigned a character and dd insists we all refer to each other as the character's name. Mostly this is bearable, even fun, but goodness it takes a lot of energy! Each new character involves her explaining how the world works again and finding out about us as our characters - "do you know what stairs are for?", "have you ever seen a shop?" (you must reply no so she can explain whatever it is to you), "do you have a television at your house?", "does your mum read to you?", "why/why not?". Our every day activities take on the themes of the stories (invariably fairies at the moment - so a trip to the shops becomes an quest of some type or other for example)

I am probably heading toward the pointy end of the introversion scale and I'm someone who has a limited capacity for imagination before I become crazy bored. I love her to death and I am in absolute awe of her capacity for creative thought, but I could really do with an off switch from time to time!

(I should say that as long as she can see I am busy she can entertain herself very well - so I haven't really got much to complain about - it would just be great from time to time to do something mindless, even for 5 minutes!)

That was all - not really much point to it other than to vent to others who understand! Thanks for listening

BTDT :-) It's great that she'll amuse herself when she can see you're busy - now it's time to add a "mummy needs some peace and quiet" mode. Maybe a visual signal of that?

It does get better, at least IME. At nearly 7, DS still has a mode where he talks continuously, but isn't in that mode ALL DAY as seemed to be the case when he was 4. (With hindsight, there were always times even then when he wasn't in that mode, e.g. when engrossed in a book - but I do remember the nursery staff asking whether he *ever* stopped talking.) What I still find infuriating is that he doesn't seem able to talk and do something else at the same time, so when he's supposed to be getting dressed he'll be talking instead. I wouldn't mind if he'd do both at the same time!

Little'un (nearing 11 years old now) has calmed down a lot, but we still have the occasional 20 minute non-stop chat about something he obviously knows loads about and just has to get off his chest. Eventually we just say to him "hey mate, you've gone into one again" and he realises and quietens down (generally). Still, he comes up with some interesting stuff.

As for the role playing, until he was about 6 or 7 he used to get me to sit on the carpet with him with his action toys (Thunderbirds models) and get me to act out whole stories . I found this mind numbing (especially at 5 a.m. - but that's another issue) almost to the point of screaming - perhaps I should've been harder - but i held it together. He does have a fantastic imagination.

SO I guess I'm saying it is hard, very hard, and maybe you have to be strict but enjoy the fact that your little'un has a great imagination and capacity for play. Yes, be stricter, that's what I should have been/done

Oh - did I mention Omega 3 fish oils which helped calm him down enough so he could attend nursery and actually sit down and concentrate a little - a miracle at the time (he was 3)

Is this a single child? If so, I think it's extremely important that she learns that others (including parents) need time and space - she seems to be doing this part which is great. Then she also needs to learn - , and it can appear somewhat cruel, that others are not always interested in every little thing she is doing. This can come as quite a revelation to the kid who has been the center of attention for a long time. It is also tricky for the parents, especially of a creative, gifted kid - because we are naturally somewhat awed by with their behavior/conversation (I try not to be too much, but I think it's just human nature). If there are siblings around, they pretty much do this 'job' for the parents - as they have no problem in letting each other know that what they are doing - dare I say it is - boring/going on too long/not what they want to be doing?. I often tell my kid, when he wants to go rambling on about something, that he needs to 'consider his audience'. Is this interesting to them - seriously? I wouldn't give this advice out generally - of course we all want our kids to come to us, and tell us what's on their mind, but in cases like these, I think it's highly unlikely that the kid will shut down communication!

Once you find that off switch, can you pass it on to me??

Seriously, have you looked into Dabroswki's Overexcitabilities?

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm

lulu

We started to tell little'un that he had to be aware that he may be boring his audience. He asked how he would know when they were getting bored - like them yawning, or looking away. Maybe it is because he is an only child with us always interested in what he has to say, despite the content: that is a good observation.
Anyhow, the bottom line in his situation is that he has to learn some valuable important social skills - number 1 don't bore the pants off your audience

As the father of a nine-year-old run-on sentence, I feel your pain.

I'm pretty good at understanding "high-speed" speech, but this kid pushes my limit daily. Since he first learned to string a few sentences together, we've offered the recurring admonishment, "Slowy, loudly, clearly... we can't understand what you are saying."

His teachers worked with him on this at school over the last couple of years and claim to have some improvement. If this is true, DS is not demonstrating his restraint at home. But if he really is better at school, I can -- I think -- deal with it at home until it becomes more automatic for him.

Last night, he was regaling me with his adventures in Runescape for about 20 minutes non-stop. And I do mean non-stop. As in... I don't know for certain that he actually stopped to draw a breath.

I was particularly tired last night so didn't attempt to interrupt (not that I could have) so in the end all I recall is, "Hey Dad, today on Runescape I...[blah-blah]... Level 525...[blah-blah]... attack...[blah-blah]... quest...[blah-blah]... challenge...[blah-blah]... gold...[blah-blah]... spirit...[blah-blah]... helm...[blah-blah]... mods...[blah-blah]... server...[blah-blah]..." ad astra, ad infinitum.

*sigh*

My ball of energy and non-stop talking is almost 9 and STILL going strong! I agree, the "moment of silence" rule has to kick in. I tell my kids 'Mommy needs 5 minutes of quiet time". Sometimes I even tell them, ENOUGH! Mandatory quiet time now! Go read a book, take a rest, but it's mandatory quiet time now" or else I lose my mind! DD even talks in her sleep and sleep walks so let me tell you.... SHE NEVER STOPS! LOL! Their minds are constantly going and for a verbal child, they just can't hlep it

i always thought we were alone - you all have the same story!!

You'd think a book would stop them, right? Well, not! "You have to read this with me, Mummy ... and listen to this ... and that ....". This afternoon, I banned DS7 to his room to read and you should have seen him zipping in and out to me like a bee to the hive with yet another juicy tidbit to share from his book. He even tilts my head to the right direction to make sure I'm paying attention to what he's pointing at, groan.

Lol - Thank you all. Nice to know we're not alone

Thanks for the advice and we're implementing most of those strategies. I do insist my time and explain that as a family we're all entitled to have some time to do things we're interested in. Once I have extracted her from around my neck begging me to keep playing, she's very good at entertaining herself - though not so much the stopping talking (I like them mandatory quiet time idea - will definitely give that one a go).

I put time limits on those games that really bore me and I explain that while I can see it's a game that she loves, that as an adult such and such a game is only interesting for me for so long, but that she is welcome to keep playing it. I also often say "I'm done for pretend games today, I'm happy to play a board game, do some craft, read etc or I can help you set up what you'd like to play and then I'm going to do x".

I think sometimes she has a whole scenario playing out in her head and she has an idea of where she wants it to go, so it can be very hard for her to switch gears. I do give her some warning when I am going to stop playing so she can get her head right, but that brain keeps whirring away.

I'm not sure if it's a positive or negative, but she doesn't do this unless she's one on one with us or a couple of very trusted family members. (I was going to say negative - as she really doesn't give anyone a sense of who she is, but hearing your stories, perhaps there are some positives!). So at preschool, she's as quiet as a mouse and in most social settings, even with us there, she's very quiet too (I remember the parents of one of her friends asking me if I had any concerns about her speech when she was 3 because she then, as now, she barely says a peep at other people's houses - then we'd get in the car to go and and it would be yammer, yammer, yammer!). This seems to be a part of her desperate need to fit in by going under the radar - a story for another day!

Mine is a mouse in school when she is supposed to be, but the hand is ALWAYS in the air and always answering questions but she CAN turn it off when it needs to be. Maybe that's why at almost 9 it hasn't stopped at home (it's bottled up all day while in school! SIGH!)

My DS 4.5 also is a continuous talker, also with the imaginative stories. I thought we were the omly ones who had to be characters. It's 3 of us, so it's always in groups of 3. And he also takes in information from everywhere and then makes stories up about them, lately in reposnse to a timeline of eras he has decided we are saber tooth tiger (him delightfully pronounced swaber) I got to be the woolly mammoth and DH was t-Rex after a time travel device was created to bring trex into our time period!! DS is learning about audience, he used to not stop talking when I would buckle him in and then close the car door, I admit I paused before opening my door occasionally and could see his mouth moving, now he pauses and just starts right back up once I open the door. He is okay with minimal input when walking or driving, the occasional related question or comment is fine, and now he wants to tell his stories to himself, he will go into his room, not now mommy I am by,myself to tell my stories. The first time he closed his door on my dh, it was a little insulting till we realized it was freeing. But I don't cut him off because one of my clearest early memories is a parent saying to me, honey, you've talked for x minutes straight now you need to be quiet for X minutes. I was so insulted, but I can't say I have never tuned out and I have been caught too - mommy how was my black hole traveling around the sun, what, what???

DeHe

Lol! DeHe, apart from going off to her room to tell stories, you describe my life. DD does exactly the same thing in the car (and I often take a pause - just to clear my head of noise!). Similarly dd will find a way around any unlikely scenario - love the time machine, fantastic

I agree re not asking her to stop, and I don't unless I really need to concentrate at which point I tell her I'd love to hear what she's got to say, but will need to come back to it. Though often she's well and truly on some other topic.

It was kindergarten meet and greet day just a few weeks ago. DD5 and I lined up to say hi to the teacher. She wouldn't stop talking! She said "hi" and she wouldn't stop talking to the teacher. There was a long line after us. So I told the teacher, "Good luck! She doesn't stop talking." And I dragged her away. We walked 5 steps away from the teacher. DD5 made a sharp U turn and headed back to the teacher. I caught her in time before she started rambling again.

No, you are not alone.

That's interesting - but isn't it the case that what was insulting was not being asked for quiet, exactly, but rather realising that your speech had been timed rather than listened to? We all have different things that strike us as unacceptable things to do to children and it's often to do with what was done to us. I couldn't give you a specific example to explain why, but to me, one thing that seems unacceptable is tuning my DS out, that is, pretend to listen when I'm not. I want him to listen when people are talking to him, and it seems to me that that gives me an obligation to listen when he's talking to me. This is one of the reasons why I feel free to tell him when I can't listen right now, or any more. Sometimes I do even say "I can't really pay attention right now" while still letting him talk on, but at least then he's had fair warning that I'd fail any test he set!

Hey blob

get the same here. If he would serttle down into a book he would probably quieten his head down.

Just to say - yet again - good CDs/audiobooks do have some effect, especially if they are played when he is doing something else (like playing with his Lego or drawing)

I was in the ER recently (just dehydrated and didn't know). They had me hooked up to a heart beat monitor and a fetal heartbeat monitor while I was getting my fluids. They had to come check because it looked like I had twins because my own heartbeat was matching the baby's at 160 bpm. The hubby left with the boy to get dinner and my pulse went to normal, 60-80 bpm. They returned and it was right back to 160. I said, I told you the boy never let's me rest. He needs constant attention. He's always in my face. And he doesn't stop. Ever. If I go to the bathroom he brings a stool to stand on so he can be right in my face still talking. Colinsmum, I'm glad you said it's okay to not listen as long as I don't pretend to because I do tell him, baby, I need a break. Baby, I can't listen to you right now. Sometimes I feel bad I keep reading the other mothers say they always listen, always answer. He gets a lot of attention. I don't dodge his quiestions because he's young. I don't ignore him for long. And I do tell him that I need him to give me some space. I just couldn't believe the heartbeat monitor proved the effect of that kind of intensity so clearly.

Add us to the list! I remember when I was in the hospital to have DD8. The babysitter said she could not handle another day with DS then 18 mos. because he never stopped and she was exhausted - she was 20!

Since the Magic School Bus is the "hit" with my big girl...all her liitle stories and play adventures involve the MSB class and bus! LOL!

Wow, I never thought of it that way. What sticks out is sitting there always dying about to burst, can I talk, can I talk. So I let him talk, with the occasional tune out - but you are so right about how our parents and experiences as a child influence us today. I especially notice that in terms of wanting to zme sure his school setting is appropriate. I was SOOOOOO bored!

DeHe

*Exactly*, yes, me too. I know that there are other bad outcomes (bullying following acceleration in an environment unfriendly to it, for example) which objectively must be at least as bad, but they have much less salience to me. I still feel the panic rising in me when I even think about that boredom and isolation (and have PTSD in boring half-day training courses!) Elsewhere on the net I have a friend whose situation is not very different from mine with DS, but who is handling it altogether differently - her bad experiences as a child were very different from mine, and the things we instinctually want to avoid at all costs for our children are almsot opposite. It's very thought-provoking: I'm trying to approach decisions for DS rationally, but the emotions attached to the bad outcomes I actually experienced do make it hard not to over-weight those particular ones.