Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Moving with GT kids

Hi Everyone!
I'd be interested to hear from any of you who have moved long distances with your GT kids.
Our family is making a big move this summer (over the pond), and the kids are leaving the only place they have called home. Moving, I'm sure is stressful for many kids, and I'm sure mine will adapt relatively quickly - that famous resilience kids have.
I'm just looking at this though the eyes of a HG kid right now, and can't help but feel for him as he's thinking further ahead than I think most other 8 yr olds would. Here it is. (By the word confidence DS means - feeling like he 'fits').
DS8 is up and down about moving (very normal), is concerned about staying in contact with friends (again very normal), and worries that he won't feel "confident" in his new home/school (again very normal).
This is where it gets sad. He's worked out that he will eventually become confident in the new place, but in his opinion that means he will become less confident in the environment he knows now, and thinks it would be difficult to come back to, even though he thinks he will want to one day. This is what bothers him the most. To me this seems way to 'heavy' for a kid his age - weighing up his future like that.
I'm sure we'll work through this, but can't help be wonder if the GT side of his nature, makes this all the more difficult.

We moved 5 months ago, but it was not quite as far away from our original home as you will be. Our new house is 7 minutes from our old but in a new neighbourhood and different school district. DD8.5 also had mixed feelings about the move. She was excited to have a new and bigger house with a big room and a huge yard, but she worried a lot about losing touch with her friends. What we found most interesting was her response after we moved. She was wracked with an intense feeling of guilt that she had abandoned her old house and hurt it's feelings. She told us that it was 'where she grew her soul' and she wanted it to know how much she loved it. It took her two or three months before she would admit that she loved the new house, I think because she felt it was disoloyal to feel this way. We listened to her thoughts and reassured her that, like plants, sometimes we need to move to bigger pots so our roots can grow larger. She eventually came to her own conclusion that there is now more room for her soul in this house.

I never expected to be having philosophical conversations about moving, but you never know how a GT child will respond to any given situation. I wish you good luck with your move. Sounds like it is going to be a long trip!

We have moved multiple times with DD8 (HG) and DD3 (LOG?). DD8 was born in Japan, lived in another country and then moved to the US with us when she was 3 1/2. Since coming back (for DH and I) to the US, we have moved across the country and within one state a few hours away from our previous house.

We had some pretty interesting discussions with DD before and after each move. She was also very concerned about "not being able to go back home (ie. the previous place we'd lived)." She understood that she and her friends would change and that they would get new friends and no longer have experienced the same things. She still keeps sporadic contact with friends from other places, she has an intense desire to go back to all of them and at least see everyone she knew so that she can see just how much they have all changed. She has also become very philosophical about making friends and fitting in with classmates/neighbors.
I actually think that the experiences she has had have been great for her. It had allowed her to see life from a different point of view than most ehr age and as a result alot of her "big idea" questions have been answered by her experiences, rather than by having to believe what we say are the answers.

We tend to see the positives of the experiences more than the negatives, that most people focus on. In fact, after DH finishes school we will go back out so that DDs can have more of the experience.

A good topic to look into, if you are going to be overseas for more than a year or so is anything about third culture kids. Third culture kids are kids who have spent a significant amount of time living in a culture that is not the one their parents come from. There is a lot of negative that can occur in terms of not fitting in as adults, but there are also a lot of positives in terms of the type of lifestyle they have and the experiences they have.

It will also have a profound effect on you if/when you return to your country. I actually think that DD had an easier time adjusting to life in the US than DH and I did after being overseas for 11 yrs.

If you want some more specifics, you can either pm me or ask here. I'm happy to share our experiences. (The good, the bad and the ugly)

We are just in the process of starting a potential move to Canada. So, it is very helpful to read about the long distance moving aspect for gifted kids. We have moved once within the city and the kids still talk about the old house even though it's a while back.

I wonder how bilingual kids fit into the third culture kids if they spend a fair amount of time in the minority language country by visiting relatives etc. during the summer vacations.

Many third culture kids become multi-lingual along the way, whether it is because their parents are from different cultures or they go to school in the home language of the country they are in or because they need to be to live and fit in in their adopted country.

DD8 has amazing linguistic skills because of her early exposure to languages. She can not only pick up vocabulary very quickly, but her accents tend to be spot on if she is learning from a native speaker.

I think it takes a lot of talking through feelings and expecting frustrations and feelings of loneliness from everyone in the family. Recognizing that it is probably culture shock that is causing some stress a couple of months into the move is really helpful. (It takes a couple of months before the newness of the situation wears off and you start really noticing the differences between your new home and your old one.)