Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When do you let kids stay at home alone?

I agree that it depends on the child and the situation. DS1 was first left alone for very brief periods at 8, routinely for about an hour at 9, and often for slightly longer periods at 10. DS2 felt uncomfortable alone at 8 ro 9 and so was not left alone until he was older.

It's amazing how varied this is in law, in cultures, and in practice. I was first left alone at 5. By 14, I spent a day by myself in East Berlin without knowing the language at all just figuring out things for myself. In retrospect, that seems so young to me, but I was quite independent and eager to explore.

I agree-- the variance in recommendation/statutes is astonishing.

I, too, was first left alone for short periods (up to three hours) when I was between five and eight years old. Living semi-rurally, there was not much trouble that I could get into, and they figured I knew how to call 9-1-1 and the neighbors knew ME.

My husband recalls being "sent" to the local youth club with a younger sibling for the day, given pocket money to purchase a fast food lunch, etc. at about 8-9 yo. He was certainly left alone and in charge of his younger sibling at that age. In a busy Los Angeles suburb, no less.


Both of us recall being left alone even overnight by the time we were very young teens (12-14 yo). I roamed a foreign city with a friend at age fifteen, too.

Our child was not left alone, even for brief periods, until she was about nine. At that point, we began going for a walk with the dog around the neighborhood, etc. She can ALWAYS reach us by cell phone, and we have strict safety rules about what is, and is not, allowed when she is home alone. She also knows to which neighbors' homes to go if she needs to get OUT of the house (say, in the event of a fire or something).

The first time I left her alone for a bit and went shopping (about Christmas-time when she was 9.5 yo) she was inadvertently left longer than DH and I planned, because he was late leaving work. I checked in with her via cell phone about every 45 minutes, but she was clearly a little freaked out about being home by herself; so to reassure herself, she cleaned all the bathrooms and mopped the kitchen floor! Sure wish I could reproduce that day!!

She has now (at 11.5y) been left alone for as long as 3 hours, but only in the daytime. I will ask her if she wants to go with me to run an errand; often she prefers to stay at home. I won't leave our small town, however, and leave her alone. Even though DH could be home from work in less than ten minutes. There's just something being more than ten miles away that I'm not yet comfortable with, though I can't say exactly why.

We live in a very safe neighborhood with many neighbors home at all times of the day or night. We have a dog, as well, which affords her a certain amount of protection.

Here, elementary schools (up to 5th grade) normally get out early, but after school care is provided. Middle schools, however, get out at 4ish, with no after school care. I guess they assume that is when it's safe for kids to be home alone (without looking at the state law). So 6th grade is 12, give or take.

I remember staying home alone for an hour or so here and there (latch key kid, anyone?) around 9 or 10. But I was also allowed to walk to the corner pizza shop alone. Even if I lived in the exact same neighborhood now, there is no way I'd let either DC walk alone to that pizza shop (which was a block away).

As far as my own two... thankfully DS7 is the older one. He's more responsible, and would know exactly what to do now at 7 in case of an emergency. DD5 would know how to dial 911, but I don't imagine she would be the calm one at all. So for us, I think we will stick with the 6th grade rule (though DS will be in elementary school still b/c of the Charter School).

This probably belongs in another thread, but I would think THIS would be the very reason that an inadequate parent could get off a child neglect charge for leaving a child at home alone at, let's just say, the age of 4 or 5 (happens here far too often). If most of these states have no minimum, and those, including mine, only have a suggested mininum, it seems to me, that parents cannot get in trouble for leaving kids alone (which is SCARY).

I agree. That is scary with a 5 yr old.

My state allows them to stay home alone at 8. My son will be eight in October, but I really can't see him being ready by then. He's very responsible, but tends to panic if something goes wrong. Plus, he's still not quite tall enough to reach the buttons on the alarm! Most kids I"ve known in the past are mature enough around 12-ish. But it varies, depending on the kid.

The right time to leave a child at home alone is when the child decides. All my kids felt comfortable with that thought around the age of 12 I never left them. However, for more than one in a half an hour tops ( my problem; my rich imagination) nor would I have ever left a toddler in the care of a child. There were also ruling like not opening doors to strangers, etc. Bottom line: It depends on the willingness and character of the child. Aside from it, I have provided them a mobile application for safety and protection. Just pressing a button they can notify and alert friends, family and myself if ever in danger. If needed, the call will be routed to the nearest 911 dispatch. Extra protection for your kids check this out http://Safekidzone.com/

I let my DD7 stay in the house while I walk outside with DS3 (we only go to the corner and back). She is usually engrossed in something and doesn't want to stop. For 10-15 minutes, she is fine. And she knows where I am, if she needs me.

I also let her walk to the bus stop by herself in the morning (which she wants the responsibility to do). I can see her from one of the front windows, so I am not concerned. But, oddly enough, I am the only parent in the neighborhood that does this (except for a couple of 5th graders).

I think you have to give kids more responsibility as they are ready for it and ask for it.

I have a babysitter that is 12- now I only have her babysit during the day for an hour or 2 at most, and her parents live close by, but still - she is more responsible than other babysitters that I have used that are 16. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I'd judge on a case by case basis.