Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional new here, need advice

Hi everyone,

I have a 7 year old son who is both gifted and has aspergers. I have working with his school since he entered kindergarten, trying to make his school experience productive. In september he started out in first grade, and quickly moved up to third grade for math and science. Meanwhile, he was so bored in first grade that his behavior was out of control. He would get so frustrated that he ended up being physical to teachers. Anyhow after endless unsuccessful behavior plans, they moved him totally up to third grade because he exhibited no negative behaviors in the third grade class.
That however has changed. He is now exhibiting more behaviors, including a refusal to do writing, flopping on the floor when he doesn't want to do something, and just general rigidity when asked to do something he doesn't want to do.
The school is now discussing moving him (AGAIN) to an EDBD class that only has 4 students in it,(although they say he will be allowed to join the regular class for math and science.
From my research, it seems like all the behaviors are common for an aspie kid. They went so far as to say he is the most academically gifted child the school has ever seen, but his lack of creativity and refusal to do writing have now potentially jeopardized his ability to receive any gifted services. Not sure what to do. His IEP meeting is coming up and I am at a loss...please help!

Does your state have an association for kids with AS, or a more general one for kids with AS, ADHD and LDs? The local folks may know more about your state educational guidelines and possible schools.

Logically it seems that they might want to keep him in 3rd for everything except the subjects where he is having trouble - I think that the general idea is too keep kids in the 'least restrictive environment' possible.

Good idea to look at his site:
Wrightslaw Special Education Law and Advocacy
Mar 15, 2011 ... Wrightslaw is the leading website about special education law and advocacy, with thousands of articles, cases, and free resources about ...
Topics from A-Z - Section 504 - Behavior & Discipline - Caselaw
wrightslaw.org/

For working on his behavior, my favorite book is 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Howard Glasser and Lisa Bravo.

I wonder if your son is getting bored with 3rd and actually needs a bump up to 4th?

Flexibility is key, and what works for one part of the year may not work for the 2nd half.

Do you have a professional guide (psychologist or ?) helping you locally? Seems like that would be a good idea if you can find someone you click with.

Keep us up to date - it's scary stuff!
Grinity

Thanks for the reply. That book is not one I am familar with, but will be soon . As far as a professional guide, I think you are right, and I need to find a behavioral psychologist or someone. We currently see a counselor who helps us intermittently when specific issues arise, like the trouble in first grade or potty training when he was younger.

As far as the behavior goes, what I think happened is every morning the kids get a paper with 10 questions or problems on it called "morning work", grammar, math whatever. Two weeks ago, he got one wrong. He was so mortified, he said, "mom, i am so embarrassed, don't even look at it" In spite of all my assurances that it was a great paper, and the teacher saying the same thing, now I think he is so afraid of getting something wrong, that he simply is refusing to do it. The response from the classroom aide is to stand over him and repeatedly redirecting him, something which I think is stupid.
I am frustrated because he doesn't handle change well and I simply refuse to allow them to move him again. When I ask them why he acting this way (he doesn't at home), they say he has a need to control things. Okay, why? Is he anxious? Should I seek a medication eval,something I so don't want to do.

Is the school responsible for bringing in another professional to help if they admit they don't how to manage him?

AAARRRGH!

Thanks, so much

Interesting that this doesn't happen at home. What would happen of he made a mistake at home? I used to intentionally not do things that upset my kid ....mostly without even realizing it.

I think the book will help but getting a Professional who is expert in AS,gets gifted kids, and can interface with the school sounds ideal.

Love and more love
Grinity

Hi Tamlynne,

You wrote:

Yes, these are classic AS symptoms, and it's probably not the first time the school has seen them. It does sound as though they don't have the expertise to deal with what they're seeing; in your shoes I'd seek good outside help.

This is probably a minority position here, but in our family's experience (DS8 gifted with AS) the AS is more important in the early grades than the giftedness. Not that they shouldn't address both, but you need to get him social skills ASAP so he can function at school.

We found that other kids in grades K-1-2 needed to learn reading, writing, spelling, basic science; ours HAD all that but needed to learn social behavior in the classroom. We considered it an alternative curriculum. He didn't really stall in his learning in the academic subjects (because he kept reading widely), but we focused on remediating the AS, and we're not sorry we did that.


An emotionally/behaviorally disturbed classroom is NOT a place for a child with AS. This placement is likely to make everything worse.

ASAP, request in writing a functional behavior analysis. (The Wrightslaw book From Emotions to Advocacy has template letters.) This means they have to take data on his behavior to see the function of the behavior (what he gets from doing it). The data helps you see the patterns; often a bad behavior in school functions to allow the child to escape work he doesn't want to do.

We have had the best success with our DS using both meds to address anxiety and behavior therapy (ABA). The ABA helped us address compliance with instructions and also lots of other areas where DS was weak; it made a huge difference.

Whatever help you get from the school, it is unlikely to be enough to teach your DS enough social skills to be successful; we found that therapy outside school was important. Our therapy team also negotiates with the school on our behalf about things like placement, and trains the teachers. And they write the behavior plan, which means it's done by experts and can actually work.

There are a lot of parents at OASIS who have good advice to offer on remediating AS. The forum is at http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Forums.aspx .

HTH, best wishes,
DeeDee

Kids with AS are typically very anxious and refusing to do things they are unsure of (or don't like for any reason) is typical. He needs to learn to do things he doesn't want to do; it's an essential skill for eventually holding down a job. He also needs to learn to cope with change, because it happens all the time.

Our DS falls into perfectionism far too easily; it can become totally disabling. AS kids are also often unsure of what consequences a mistake might have, and they can overreact to mistakes because they don't have the social understanding of likely and unlikely consequences.

A gradeskipped AS kid could potentially feel that even more-- what if they pull him from the 3rd grade class because he made a mistake? he can't tell if this is likely-- and then of course it could become self-fulfilling because he's freaking out and they pull him out.

You can start working on tolerating change and uncertainty at home. Make small changes that stretch his ability to cope, one at a time, and encourage him to hang in there. (Drive a different route to a familiar place, or change what brand of bread you buy-- depending on the kid these can be easy or hard.) This strategy is detailed in the book Parenting Your Asperger Child by Sohn and Grayson-- I think they call it "deliberate sabotage" and it's very effective in the long run.

A bright kid can learn the skills of flexibility, compliance, understanding the social hierarchy at school, all these things-- but it still takes surprisingly much work for them, and for a kid with AS, it all needs to be spelled out for them and practiced by rote until it's mastered, one skill at a time.

DeeDee

Thanks everyone for your feedback, I already feel so much less anxious, just talking with people who know what we are going through .
Grinity- thanks, we are still looking for the best fit for a therapist, hopefully soon
master of none- thanks, the last FBA we had simply said he had a need for control, not what was fueling the need

DeeDee- The only reason they grade skipped him was with his IQ he was so bored and the boredom made the behavior much, much worse. I do think he needed the time in 1st and 2nd to work on his emotional development and social skills, but he simply refused to participate in either the 1st or 2nd grade curriculum and just acted out. The move to third was to get him to engage with the academics at all.

I am currently trying to decide if a low dose anxiety med might be the answer. My pediatrician is reluctant to go there yet, but i have a meeting with his therapist in a few days. I believe a lot of his behavior is generated by anxiety and I need to be more aggressive about getting him more help.
I have emailed Cathy Grayson and she is going to send me a workbook that goes with her book so help implement some of those strategies. Ironically I just started working through the wrightslaw book you spoke of (i put it down to read this
I have seen improvements at home, now just need to figure out what do with school. Thanks for all your support, will keep everyone posted.

Tamlynne, one more thing-- I wouldn't let the regular pediatrician prescribe meds of this kind. See if you can find a developmental pedatrician or a psychiatrist who specializes in AS. The dosing can be tricky; you want someone who's done this hundreds of times before and seen other kids like yours.

Best,
DeeDee

Thanks Tamlynne - we want to hear how things are going every once in a while!
Good luck building your team!
Grinity

I just saw this on another list: