Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Did anyone not have success with Montessori?

Not a good fit for my dd. She was too creative and divergent for the Montessori way. After doing anything a couple of times one way, she would explore different ways of using the materials and was therefore not doing her "work".

Then we had the social aspect. This kid is extremely sociable, so she would always choose work where she would work with other kids (serving tea), or things that were too hard for her (sewing when she was 3) because that guaranteed the teacher would be there helping her. In short, she got her social needs met because that was what was most important to her, but then did not do the work she was ready to tackle. In Montessori philosophy she would naturally gravitate towards the "just right" level of challenge, but she did not.

There were other issues. While she is HG+, she was not interested in academics as a preschooler so it was not like she was ahead.

I could have written the identical post about my DS (now almost 8). All I can say is GET HIM OUT OF THERE!!!! In our case, it went from "not so great" to "bad" to "disaster" in a matter of weeks, and it's taken us literally years to undo the damage that year did.

Now, 5 years later, I've got a second DS (PG, as his brother is) and a DD who is too young to test, but clearly headed that direction, and we went the totally opposite direction with them...they go to a COMPLETELY play-based preschool and they do wonderfully there. I would never have chosen that with my oldest - and now I would LOVE to go back and do it all differently with him.

We have had great success with Montessori. Our son (now six) had a miserable experience with our state-run pre-k. We took him out and put him in a new Montessori school.

He was there last year (which would have been pre-k) and this year (which would've been kindergarten). Our school identified issues which lead to evaluation and occupational therapy. He is simply a different kid. Much happier, more social, more physically capable.

Montessori isn't always a perfect fit, however. Our son is not a self-starter, which is a main thrust of Montessori. The teachers, however, would allow our son to initiate. After a while of watching him choose things that were well below his capability, they would push him towards more challenging activities.

I think, with everything, it just depends. It depends on the kid, it depends on the school, the teachers, on everything, and the combination therein. We have a next door neighbor who has a daughter the same age as my son. They initially went to the same pre-k, and it was perfectly fine for her. My son was absolutely miserable.

Is this the first time your son has been away from you? If so, it may be separation anxiety combined with being compelled to do activities he is unaccustomed to.

If, however, he truly seems unhappy, I would urge you to pay attention and do what feels right. I shudder to think what my son would be like emotionally had I left him in that pre-k.

I wish it could be easier, I really do! I know how gut-wrenching it is to just "fly by the seat of your pants" and not know what is the "right" thing to do!

Amber,
Try going the other way, provide him with something he doesn't know and would love to learn... is he able to focus then?

But then also consider that even if he is able to focus, for "Normal" children, focus ability from age 3-6 varies quite a bit.

He needs/wants something more than what that environment is providing him.

Best wishes,

Montesorri didn't work for us at all. DS moved through everything really quickly, even when they made him take every step, one by one.

Both of my kids had trouble in Montessori classrooms for different reasons. My older son is 2E, though we didn't know about either E at the time. He needed direct instruction and was befuddled by the Montessori way.

My younger son was reading at the time he started Montessori preschool at age 2.75. Even so, the teacher insisted that he do the work in a specific order. He spent a *year* doing the "scratchy letters" and another year doing some weird thing with sight words. He was bored out of his mind. We finally got a clue and took him out just prior to his kindergarten year to homeschool.

That said, I know that the Montessori elementary school in our town is a haven for gifted kids, and they need one, as the local district acts like they've never heard of gifted.

We used a lot of Montessori methods with my DD when she was ~2-4. I love the philosophy, myself. The local Montessori schools were more Waldorf-ey than Montessori, however, and it was crystal clear that they were not the right places for DD.

Unfortunately, as a few others have noted, Montessori isn't always a good fit for some gifted kids. A lot depends on the exact details of the individual classroom teacher's philosophy.

Mine seemed to always know how to think symbolically, which translated into a loathing and utter bewilderment regarding manipulative items. She also has sensory issues and loathes anything sticky, scratchy, or messy to touch. Her earliest learning profile with her school lists her learning style as "ANTI-tactile." LOL. That's no exaggeration, actually. She didn't want to write in sand. She didn't want to play in water. In fact, getting a drop of water anywhere on her clothing was a guarantee that she would strip the offending articles immediately. Let's just say that doing a handbuilding pottery class with my then 3 yo was a disaster, and I hope she'll forgive me by the time she's 18.


She refused to trace sandpaper letters with her fingers and thought that the sight-word cards were just weird. She didn't WANT 'instruction' from anyone in the first place, and she certainly didn't want to be prevented from actually doing what she could see perfectly well how to do... so the entire philosophy of "introduce, demonstrate, let child do" didn't always work out as planned with her, and even if it did, she was certainly not going to do the same activity more than a time or two before she moved on to something more compelling-- unless there was something more in it for her than learning.

I'm also laughing at the description of a child 'choosing' activities for their social value. This is precisely how my DD has always approached Montessori environments, and it was exactly what she did with childcare settings, too.

My ds wants the social interaction too. We really don't know what to do with him next year. His teacher is a wonderful person, I just worry that she doesn't get him.


Thanks for the replies everyone. You made me feel less crazy.

Amber,

Couple of things. First the writing comment. Have you tried to mask writing in a fun activity? One that crosses my mind is to make a soft paste in a cake pan and have him write his letters with his finger. I'm sure there are many others and the OT should have lots of ideas.

Second, given your description I think I would try the gifted school. Have you contacted them? You could ask them how they handle lack of interest or boredom. I, too, would be hesitant to jump to the conclusion of ADD. When the psychologist did his/her testing did they hint at ADD? Time will tell if this really is the case but for now I would chaulk it up to not a good fit. Montessori schools are not all the same and depending on the teacher and the school policy it could be too rigid for what your little guy needs.

This has been a *very* useful thread to read. We're potentially in a bind for my son's kindergarten next year, and one consistent recommendation I hear is Montessori. I now have a list of things to look for and ask about when visiting on top of my own concerns.

For kids that already think symbolically, is there any aspect of Montessori math education that is particularly successful? DS is at a point where he can make and interpret the physical representation, but gets frustrated very easily at having to do it to prove his answer for more than one example.