Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When do you let kids stay at home alone?

I've been letting my DS10&1/2 stay home alone for short amounts, during the day. We live in a safe neighborhood with houses close by. My husband is worried DS wouldn't be able to handle an emergency. I'm usually the more protective parent.

I was wondering about how parents deal with kids staying home alone. Please comment.

The law in our state says 10. I don't know if that is federral or not. None of my kids was ready for that at 10. DD was allowed to stay home when she turned 12 by herself.

The law in our state allows an 8 year old to be left alone , however we do not leave DS9 home alone. I think you really have to look at the individual child and the situation. For example, not infrequently, DS9 makes impulsive choices. He also hasn't quite mastered taking responsibility for his actions without making excuses. These are red flags to me that he's not ready. I would imagine when he's 11 or 12, we'll start talking about it as we see him able to take on more responsibility, but that's just speculation here.

I have just started leaving my children for very short periods of time, 15 to 20 minutes.

If you have questions about any age restrictions regarding this in your state, here's a website.
Kids age limits by state

If you have questions about any age restrictions regarding this in your state, here's a website.


Illinois lists age 14, but that is only for an "unreasonable" amount of time, and they look at 15 different factors when they decide what's unreasonable (like number of minors, ages, health conditions, weather, etc). I think that makes sense. 14 is probably when I'd feel fully confident that most kids could spend a 4-5 hour chunk of time alone, but somewhere between 11 and 13 is when I'd use the "common sense" approach - how good is MY kid in an emergency, how far away is help, what is the time of day, does he need to prepare meals, etc...
It didn't really come up with dd20 and dd18, because I had ds10 and ds8 as they entered the early teens, and between bedrest pregnancies and extended nursing, I never left home . Now, ds10 is turning 11 in April and maybe next school year is when I'll start. It is different, because my boys are two years apart but he is the older one (ds8 is there too). That makes it harder.
Can you do a class on first aid, or babysitting? Our park district actually offers a class called "home alone." Now, it's probably telling that the class is offered for 7-10 year olds, while 11-14 year olds get offered babysitting.
But, no way I'd have an 11 year old babysitting!
Theresa

I guess to boils down to the individual child. Every parent knows what their children are capable of.

When I was a kid, out of necessity I biked to and from school and stayed home alone till my mother came home from work. I was 6 years old. It stayed like this for most of my childhood, but I was always a very independent child.

I think this is very much a matter for judgement taking into account the circumstances and the child. I've left DS7 alone for as long as it takes me to go to the corner shop (10 mins or so) a couple of times and actually wouldn't mind leaving him for longer if he was happy with it - he's very cautious and not likely to get into trouble - but he's not completely happy about it - for the same reason! - so I don't.

In the UK there is no legal limit, but parents are responsible and it can be child cruelty, IIRR, if the courts reckon a parent made a wrong judgement. There was a story in the UK press a few days back about a woman being officially cautioned for leaving her 14yo in charge of her 3yo for 30 mins. Unless there's a lot more to the story than meets the eye that's crazy, and the moral seems to be "don't accept a caution without legal advice" - had she refused and insisted that the police prosecute her if they thought she'd committed an offence, surely she'd have been found not guilty. At any rate if I'd been on the jury! But some children's charity apparently "recommends" that children aged 13 and under never be left in the house alone no matter for how short a time. Madness. One of our regular babysitters was 12 the first time she babysat, and DS was 4. I think it's unusual for that to be sensible - she was unusually responsible for her age, DS was unusually cooperative for his, they knew one another, we weren't far away and we were in mobile phone contact - but I have no doubt that it was sensible.

My sister and I were latchkey kids, from the time that I was 8 and she was 10, while our single mom worked her second job. She worked 30+ miles away and got off work at midnight. My sister and I had some... let's call them "interesting..." experiences. I know that's not what the OP is talking about here, but my own personal experience probably makes me lean toward my own kids being older rather than younger when they get left alone.

My older DD is 11 and has participated in the local Red Cross Babysitting Course. She has always been very responsible and so we feel comfortable leaving her with our 9 year old for short periods. Of course we live in a very quiet neighborhood, she knows how to work the alarm system and we have excellent neighbors close by.

Thank you. Very helpful advice.

I agree that it depends on the child and the situation. DS1 was first left alone for very brief periods at 8, routinely for about an hour at 9, and often for slightly longer periods at 10. DS2 felt uncomfortable alone at 8 ro 9 and so was not left alone until he was older.

It's amazing how varied this is in law, in cultures, and in practice. I was first left alone at 5. By 14, I spent a day by myself in East Berlin without knowing the language at all just figuring out things for myself. In retrospect, that seems so young to me, but I was quite independent and eager to explore.

I agree-- the variance in recommendation/statutes is astonishing.

I, too, was first left alone for short periods (up to three hours) when I was between five and eight years old. Living semi-rurally, there was not much trouble that I could get into, and they figured I knew how to call 9-1-1 and the neighbors knew ME.

My husband recalls being "sent" to the local youth club with a younger sibling for the day, given pocket money to purchase a fast food lunch, etc. at about 8-9 yo. He was certainly left alone and in charge of his younger sibling at that age. In a busy Los Angeles suburb, no less.


Both of us recall being left alone even overnight by the time we were very young teens (12-14 yo). I roamed a foreign city with a friend at age fifteen, too.

Our child was not left alone, even for brief periods, until she was about nine. At that point, we began going for a walk with the dog around the neighborhood, etc. She can ALWAYS reach us by cell phone, and we have strict safety rules about what is, and is not, allowed when she is home alone. She also knows to which neighbors' homes to go if she needs to get OUT of the house (say, in the event of a fire or something).

The first time I left her alone for a bit and went shopping (about Christmas-time when she was 9.5 yo) she was inadvertently left longer than DH and I planned, because he was late leaving work. I checked in with her via cell phone about every 45 minutes, but she was clearly a little freaked out about being home by herself; so to reassure herself, she cleaned all the bathrooms and mopped the kitchen floor! Sure wish I could reproduce that day!!

She has now (at 11.5y) been left alone for as long as 3 hours, but only in the daytime. I will ask her if she wants to go with me to run an errand; often she prefers to stay at home. I won't leave our small town, however, and leave her alone. Even though DH could be home from work in less than ten minutes. There's just something being more than ten miles away that I'm not yet comfortable with, though I can't say exactly why.

We live in a very safe neighborhood with many neighbors home at all times of the day or night. We have a dog, as well, which affords her a certain amount of protection.

Here, elementary schools (up to 5th grade) normally get out early, but after school care is provided. Middle schools, however, get out at 4ish, with no after school care. I guess they assume that is when it's safe for kids to be home alone (without looking at the state law). So 6th grade is 12, give or take.

I remember staying home alone for an hour or so here and there (latch key kid, anyone?) around 9 or 10. But I was also allowed to walk to the corner pizza shop alone. Even if I lived in the exact same neighborhood now, there is no way I'd let either DC walk alone to that pizza shop (which was a block away).

As far as my own two... thankfully DS7 is the older one. He's more responsible, and would know exactly what to do now at 7 in case of an emergency. DD5 would know how to dial 911, but I don't imagine she would be the calm one at all. So for us, I think we will stick with the 6th grade rule (though DS will be in elementary school still b/c of the Charter School).

This probably belongs in another thread, but I would think THIS would be the very reason that an inadequate parent could get off a child neglect charge for leaving a child at home alone at, let's just say, the age of 4 or 5 (happens here far too often). If most of these states have no minimum, and those, including mine, only have a suggested mininum, it seems to me, that parents cannot get in trouble for leaving kids alone (which is SCARY).

I agree. That is scary with a 5 yr old.

My state allows them to stay home alone at 8. My son will be eight in October, but I really can't see him being ready by then. He's very responsible, but tends to panic if something goes wrong. Plus, he's still not quite tall enough to reach the buttons on the alarm! Most kids I"ve known in the past are mature enough around 12-ish. But it varies, depending on the kid.

The right time to leave a child at home alone is when the child decides. All my kids felt comfortable with that thought around the age of 12 I never left them. However, for more than one in a half an hour tops ( my problem; my rich imagination) nor would I have ever left a toddler in the care of a child. There were also ruling like not opening doors to strangers, etc. Bottom line: It depends on the willingness and character of the child. Aside from it, I have provided them a mobile application for safety and protection. Just pressing a button they can notify and alert friends, family and myself if ever in danger. If needed, the call will be routed to the nearest 911 dispatch. Extra protection for your kids check this out http://Safekidzone.com/

I let my DD7 stay in the house while I walk outside with DS3 (we only go to the corner and back). She is usually engrossed in something and doesn't want to stop. For 10-15 minutes, she is fine. And she knows where I am, if she needs me.

I also let her walk to the bus stop by herself in the morning (which she wants the responsibility to do). I can see her from one of the front windows, so I am not concerned. But, oddly enough, I am the only parent in the neighborhood that does this (except for a couple of 5th graders).

I think you have to give kids more responsibility as they are ready for it and ask for it.

I have a babysitter that is 12- now I only have her babysit during the day for an hour or 2 at most, and her parents live close by, but still - she is more responsible than other babysitters that I have used that are 16. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I'd judge on a case by case basis.