Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help Please, Bored Six Year Old

I am new to the board and from reading here, have so many questions. I feel like I have let my child down and hope we can recover ground.

My daughter is now six and in kindergarten because her birthday fell after the September 1 cut off. I had her tested for early entry kindergarten and she did well. Since her zone school was not very good, I opted not to send her there. Instead, she enrolled in a combined preK/K program last year. I was told that she could not enroll in first grade this year because of the birthday, so I opted for a Christian school kindergarten program.

I have serious concerns that she is not being fully challenged. Most of the kids started out learning letters and letter sounds. The kids are now beginning to read, but my child has been reading for almost two year now. From when she did the Woodcok Johnson for early entry, her math scores were very high. In spite of this,she is learning the same math as the other children.

I am a single mom and work with her in the evenings on enrichment activities, but I cannot facilitate a whole curriculum and work too. I feel like her potential is being wasted and have had a little of the pushy parent bit thrown at me by the principal. The good part is that her teacher is starting to see that her intellect and drive is her very own and not imposed by me.

I would appreciate any advice you all have on how to positively advocate for her educational needs, any programs that I could facilitate at home easily etc. The bad part is my daughter is starting to get bored at school and that is not what I want for her and that is not the child she is.

Momofonegirl

I wish I had answers for you. We were in the same position. However even with a Dec birthday - all the schools we talked to including public agreed to allow our dd to skip K. Looking back, it was a heartbreaking decision. Now, it seems insane that we thought of sending her to K. I think it is a quote from the davidsons that sending a good reader to K is torture. I'm not a personal fan of montessori but if there is a k-3 program it might let your child work up to their ability.

The struggle is - to the choir here I say - is getting straight A's ok if you didn't have to work for them. Schools are so caught up in the proper socializing of our kids - it seems education ends up on the back burner. And the real problem to me isn't that she is learning the same things as other kids - but it is style. typical teaching style I believe uses repetition which bores our kids.

I don't know what to tell you. Uh, but yet I thread away - nice huh? It simply sounds like she's not in the right class. She's still young... mid-year skipping seems icky. But can you fight for this for next year or afford other options. Any charter schools - someone who understands. I always got a laugh - we'd call a school and ask do you have gifted programs and will you allow a grade skip? Many would come back with "all our students are gifted". The most expensive one in town is the one that made me laugh the most - and I wouldn't say this to my friends off here but - it was a week later when they actually looked at the fax with her WPSSI and Woodcock/Johnson and said - yes certainly she can skip (despite prior claims of how it was so wrong and how all their kids/classes were like gifted programs).

Sorry, focus. My daughter turned 6 in dec. i feel your pain.

Copy the chapter on Pushy Kids not Pushy Parents (or something to that tune) from davidson's book or a number of books. Or go mainstream and give them a copy of an august time magazine that covered gifted kids.

I'm not going to be the best one to advise you, but I can at least offer some support and reassurance and commiseration.

I know how lonely it feels, but you're in the right place. There's so much good help here!

My best advice to you is to let go of the regret as soon as you can. If you're not dead, you're not done! I can say this because I have had many of the same feelings for many of the same reasons. My DS is 6.5 and we went through this exactly at the start of the year, when he was newly 6 and starting 1st grade. You DD will recover. They're resiliant at this age, and you are such a good mom for catching the problem so early! Please stop kicking yourself long enough to pat yourself on the back, okay?!

(It's okay if you continue kicking the school, however! Figuratively, at least.)

Plus, since you can't turn back the clock, it's best to get through that (natural) mourning period for what is lost as quickly as you can, so that you can get to the more productive phase of this process--a process that we ALL go through, BTW: taking action!

Lots of people afterschool, so there's lots of help available there. What is your daughter ready for in math and reading? What can she do now? Details will probably help. Would she do better with a workbook or a computer program or manipulatives like tangrams?

As for the advocacy: I guess my first question is what do you think should be done with/for/about her? What does your gut tell you? What do you want? What would your ideal educational situation look like for her?

Starting there is about the easiest place, I think. Then consider what is possible in your school system. Do they ever grade skip? How would you feel about that? Do they allow subject acceleration? Do they have a GT program, and if so when does it start, is it likely to be good enough for her to make it worth trying to get her in, etc.?

Then consider alternatives to your school system. Are there other schools available in the area that might be a better fit for her? How about homeschooling? (Harder to do as a single parent, but it can be done, especially if you can find good childcare help.)

Above all, keep your chin up. You've just taken the first step on a long and twisty path, full of lovely high peaks and dark, sad valleys. It's normal to mourn the simple education you thought your child would have once you realize that NOTHING is going to be easy! But the big, bright spot is that you're coming out of a valley now, and now you'll have some great companions along the way.

Thanks for the reply. I am so new to this, what is the WIPPSI? What is the title of the Davidson book?

My daughter is able to read chapter books and can read and comprehend most things. She has good decoding skills and good vocabulary skills. As far as math, she is ready to learn more complex number operations and understands the concepts of multiplication. She picks up a lot very quickly and if exposed picks it up quick.

What is a DD or DS?


She is not in the public school system since our zone school is not good at all. The GT program begins in third grade and it is good so I am told. How can homeschooling be acccomplished if I work full time?
As far as the ideal educational setting, I want faster paced instruction.

Sorry! DD is darling daughter and DS is darling son. (DH, then, is a hubby, and XH is an ex-husband! And i had to ask, too, so I should know better than to use it without defining first.)

The WPPSI is an IQ test for preschool children.

BTW, I'm not necessarily *recommending* homeschooling, but I just wanted to note that if you teach her after work and on the weekends, it is possible to manage. I wouldn't call it ideal in your situation, but then again, if you consider how much time you're already spending on "enrichment activities" (i.e., actually teaching your child something she doesn't already know!), you can probably see that you wouldn't have to do *that* much more to just teach her. (Plus she wouldn't be tired out from a long boring day of school by the time you get to her.) Don't mistake homeschooling for "school at home." It doesn't have to be a 7-hour day every day for her to learn more with you than she's learning at the school she's at now. Right? That's certainly what we found.

Does that make more sense?

Thanks for the link and the explanation. From reading the links, it looks like my next step needs to be formal testing. We have Woodcock Jonson results from over two years ago and something I read said that they could not be older then two years.

It looks like I can get testing for about $700. Does this sound reasonable?

The 2 year limit applies to application to Davidson, but they ask for only one of the tests to be taken in last 2 years. That said the school may not be too happy with achievement tests which are 2 years old, they will not tell them what she knows now. You may first want to talk to school and see if they would be willing to test her and use any achievement test they would be happy with, like end of 1st or 2nd grade test. What does her teacher think about her?

The price of the test depends on where you live. It would be a little bit less that what we paid for 1 test (IQ and achievement would be double), but we live in quite expensive area.

Her school does not test in K. She took the Slosson to get admitted, but the school did not share the scores. Her teacher says that she is the model student and learns very fast. In her conference, she did indicate that DD did not mind reviewing material which tells me that she is not challenged.

I briefly looked at the criteria for DYS and I am not saying that DD is in the 99th percentile, though I do not know. Have you done the DYS process? What difference has it made? The only advantagedI see is that the school may be more apt to listen to DYS than parents.

Ask for the scores. Our school tested our DS and didn't share the scores with me either, but you have the right to know your child's information, including test results.

As for DYS, I think one of the biggest benefits is the connection with other parents and HG+ kids. True peers for these kids are hard to come by, and DYS can be a big help with that.

I also covet the free counseling about the child's education. (We applied to DYS in Feb. and hope to be admitted soon. Fingers crossed!) The older your DD gets, the more problems you're likely to have with placement, and I know that having a free expert on tap is sounding like heaven to me right now.

There's also financial assistance from DYS available for things like private schools and computers (etc.) for families that qualify.

I second Kriston. Ask the school for the test results and see where she is. If her scores are high I would have her tested to get better idea where she is. Set up a conference with the teacher and tell her that you are worried that DD is not happy at school and if there is anything they could do. Bring in books she reads and math she can do. The teacher may not even know how much she knows.

Dtto Kriston on DYS. DS5 got accepted last month. BTW Kriston it doesn't help with the whole gt denial.

Apparently the teacher doesn't mind if DD isn't challenged, either.

Both of which scare me - lots!

I think you are getting to this about as early as a Mom of an only could be expected to...

Mid year skips are fine, especially if she is bored and 'done' with the current situation, although they can be tough socially (or wonderful socially - just hard to predict)
Homeschooling can certianly be done on weekends and evening, just have to figure in the expense of daycare while you are at work...

I would spend some time in a first and in a second grade classroom in your zone school, with as open a mind as you can... if you can find a wonderful teacher that makes many things much better.

700$ isn't a bad price for testing, but the key thing is that you want a tester who is going to give you more guidance the - gifted-yes or gifted-no. You want someone who can give individualized advice based on your daughter's LOG (Level of Giftedness)

Good luck -
Say more about 'is she happy?'

Grinity

LOL, LMom!

We applied last month and have not heard back yet. I think the application process, itself, was valuable, though. I asked the vice-principal for a recommendation for DS so she decided to do a little one-on-one interview with him to get an idea of what he can do. He wowed her with his math skills and I think that really smoothed the way for our subsequent request for acceleration. DS is now making the transition to first grade. If all goes well this week, he will be switched to first grade full time.

Cathy

Cathy A,
I guess that's about a strong an argument for filling out the application as I've ever heard! Yippee! It's even more exciting if you think about were you were in August, so I'll link to there:

Momofonegirl and Kickball - if you have the time, go back and read the thread - *** Link no longer working ***

It gives a great snapshot of where Cathy A's son was last August - and shows how much things can change over 7 months.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Not really, LOL! I figure it's a long shot anyway. I'm more worried about this trial of first grade. DS is so excited about it that he would be very upset if it doesn't work out for some reason. I don't want him to think it was his fault or he failed or something I'm trying not to worry about that unless it happens but it's hard for me to not have a plan... I'm not good at ad-libbing. I need to have a plan for what I would say to him if the skip doesn't work out.

Grinity, thanks for the trip down memory lane! It's like reading a diary

Cathy

Cathy, I hope all goes well. So far so good, right? I can only imagine how nervous you must be. Have you talked to the 1st grade teacher yet?


Wow Dottie. Yeah holding him back (I am sure that's how he would take it) would do wonders for his emotional and social development. Gee. What were they thinking?

I had no idea you went through something like that. I understood from some of the posts that you had to play the big card - legal proceedings and such, but I never knew what really happen. Do you care to repeat the details? You don't want to me to dig through all the old posts, do you?

I'd love to hear, too, if you don't mind sharing. I like to know what's possible, no matter how impossibly bad or unbelievably good (and thus unlikely).

Can you bear reading a slew of "Ohmigoshthat'sterrible!" posts from us all? <grin>

Dottie, I'm glad things worked out in the end. I have already gone several rounds with the school over accommodations for the kids' life-threatening food allergies. The principal and I got off to a VERY rough start two years ago and are only now rebuilding a relationship of mutual respect. I don't want to go there again

Believe me, I know how sneaky schools can be and it scares the cr@p out of me. It's very hard for me to trust them.

Cathy

LOL. Way to go. Something tells me that they will never play games with you :lol

Good outcome, but scary story nevertheless.

Thanks for the details. I hadn't really ever even considered legal proceedings becoming necessary. Ugh. I just took my ball and went home.

Talk about your advocacy work! When you literally become an advocate--as in lawyer!--for your child, things are BAAAAAAAD!

I'm so sorry you went through that, I'm glad you came through it with things going so well for your DS, and I hope it's smooth sailing for you from here on out!

That's my secular GT blessing for you, Dottie!

Sounds like it. Still, I'm not sure I'd have had the backbone to do it. So painful! You are a strong person, Dottie! I admire you!

Dottie, I don't quite get who actually made the decision to hold him back, and if they had any documented evidence to back up their position? They were obviously wrong as evidenced by your son's achievement, but I'm really puzzled about why some school authorities are so set against grade skips.

Speaking from experience, it's not just grade skips these folks are against, it's any special treatment for anyone. Got a problem? Need an exception? Forget it! It doesn't matter what it is. You're not special.

I think you're right--at least a lot more often and at a lot more school districts than we might like--and I don't really understand the attitude.

Is it just that "different" = more work (or at least the belief that more work will result)? Or is it some perception of an injustice being done if everything isn't EXACTLY the same for all kids?

Or both? Or something else entirely?

I guess I just don't get it.

Cathy,

That is great news about DS. You also bring a great point about using the school in the process and perhaps they will see what needs to be done.

BK�s previous post also brought up this point and from the conference, this is what her teacher was sharing with me. The school will not share the previous test results since they were used in the admission process. I was told that since she got in, then the scores were most likely in the gifted range. Then, why is the class moving so relatively slow? The teacher also shared that she knew the reading assignments were very easy for DD, so she was extending things by giving her more reading comprehension and allowing her to draw inferences from what she is reading. She said nothing about math. It appears that language arts is the main emphasis at this point for the children.

It is almost March, so it does not make much sense to me to push the issue for this school year. But, I really like Cathy�s idea about using the school. I find the idea of my DD being in the 99% unlikely, but maybe just going through the process will let the school see she needs more challenge.

So, I think testing over spring break may be good or do you all think I should wait until summer?

MomofOneGirl,

I hope it works out for the best

Kriston,

I don't get it either. I keep expecting professionalism...

Cathy

Hi Momofonegirl,
There is never a bad time for a needed gradeskip, unless mutual friendships are really there. The sooner you start the ball rolling, the sooner your DD will be able to learn at her readiness level, or at least nearer to it. By your comment above, I gather that this isn't happening now.
I think you should pursue testing over spring break.

The final caution is that this is a slow process. The schools react slowly, the testers aren't ready at the drop of a hat, and it takes a while for parents to come to terms with LOG. So calmly and delibertly start acting on the assumption that your daughter isn't at fault for being more advanced than what the school is offering, and that she deserves to be though about well.

Love and More Love,
Grinity