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My daughter is in Kindergarten. She is just now being tested to see if they should test her for the gifted program at her school. I have had to push fairly hard to get even that accomplished. I ended up having to call the Board of Education, because the school kept telling me that only her teacher could recommend her for the program...which I knew was not true. The teacher even acknowledged in the parent teacher conference in October that my daughter was starting to show what she was capable of. The teacher showed me the chart they keep to show the children's progress and pointed out that my daughter was the only one in her class that had mastered all the skills on the chart which included letters, letter sounds, numbers, and counting. She is also the youngest in her class. She started school a month after she turned 5. She started adding and subtracting when she was still 4 on her own. She can sound out words but refuses to read a lot because she doesn't like to have to sound out words...she just wants to know them. Now, at 5 1/2 she has started to multiply. She started 2 days ago. I don't know how long she has been able to. I asked her how she learned and she could not tell me. She just said, " I just know." She also just started probing more about death. She has talked about it since she was 3. But just last week she had a break down over it and was up until 2am organizing drawers and crying. She wanted to know how I knew there was heaven. And if everyone dies and no one comes back to life is it going to be a big empty planet....which just brought up questions about birth. Now she has the flu with a 101 fever and is watching Space Camp because she wants to save her money and go to college to go to space. She said she doesn't want to be the "watch out" for the space crew because she would be upset if someone died and she was watching out.
I had been trying to help keep her challenged but within the last couple of months I have stopped. It is for 3 reason. 1. I am afraid that since I am having trouble getting her help at school I am going to allow her to move so far ahead that she will really have trouble fitting in and may pick up bad habits. 2. She is extremely caring and very emotional. The teacher seems to think she is immature because she cries easily. She is actually very mature and carries herself well around adults. But she will cry just hearing a baby cry. Or if someone is sick or hurt or she hears about something bad. She gets very hurt at school. She said some of her friends are older and they still don't understand her and they keep changing their minds about being her friend. She said she would never stop being someone's friend just because they didn't like what she was playing or because someone new wanted to be her friend. So her thinking is very mature but she cries easily because she doesn't quite have the coping skills to deal with the emotions of what she understands.
3. My last reason for not giving her more to learn recently is because she is picking up things so extremely fast on her own that I actually never know what direction to help lead her in or even how to help her. Like the multiplication...things just happen over night. Everyday she says a word or makes a joke or comes up with some theory that I have never heard from her. Her reading is the only thing that is "on level" everything else about her is well advanced and all on her own. No flashcards. I have given her workbooks but very rarely had to explain to her how to do them. I hardly read to her anymore because we can't make it past a page without her asking a dozen questions. Don't get me wrong...I love to teach and guide her. But I am finding that the only thing she needs me for as far as learning goes is to listen and answer adult level questions.
My other concern is that she has started to become anxious the last couple of months. She complains about her stomach hurting a lot but there seems to be nothing physically wrong. She will occasionally have a panic attack. She is having bad nightmares again and is telling me her friends just do not understand her. I try to snuggle with her and give her confidence but I can tell she is starting to feel isolated. After her break down the other night about death...a new imaginary friend showed up. Her name is Two-ma. My daughter said she calls her that because Two-ma can get to 2 before she can get to 0. Two-ma also knows Kung-fu and is teaching my daughter how to protect herself. Her other "friend" is Buzz. It is an invisible buzz that she holds in her hand or pocket. I have noticed when her cousins or friends start to pick on her she pulls Buzz out and whispers to him and she will throw him up into the air and run around smiling while he flies around her.
Her teacher said that if she was more mature she would recommend putting her in first grade. Which is confusing because I have had so much trouble getting her tested or challenged in school but yet her teacher agrees that she is advanced. Once my daughter really starts to read there is going to be no stopping her at all. I mean she went from talking about odd and even numbers a week ago to learning multiplication on her own. She seems to be on about a 3rd grade level in math....with no help or instruction. I figured she was going to be gifted like her father and I when she starting talking at 7 months and drawing at 12m and then she seemed to get more quiet about what she knew for a long time. She has always been creative but until recently she very seldom showed us what she could do. Now it is all surfacing and I don't know what I should do. I am going to continue pushing for her to be in the gifted program...even though I am sure I will hit roadblocks since there are currently no Kindergarten aged children in the class. But should I be pushing for her to move into first grade...or should I wait until she starts reading above her level? She can read beginner books. But anything she has to sound out stops her from going farther. She is very good at sounding things out but she hates doing it. I know many of the first graders at her school still haven't learned to read so I do not think she would be far behind. I don't know. I just want to make things better and not worse. I also don't want to just sit back and watch.

Your daughter sounds advanced, and I think you should encourage that. I would get her materials at home which can help her learn. There are a lot of different sorts of things you can do for different subject areas (e.g. Singapore Math).

She must be getting concepts like odd and even numbers from somewhere, perhaps from child educational TV shows. Providing her with more will just let her advance more quickly. I would probably start at around a second-to-third-grade level with some tool that lets you assess her weak and strong areas, if the goal is to make sure she's a good fit for a future acceleration or just to make sure she's well-rounded. I use the IXL online website for this, since it's tied to state standards.

No matter what, I think you have to ensure she's provided with something. No one can learn in a vacuum. No matter how good she is at picking things up by osmosis, she won't get a well-rounded foundation in math or anything else that way.

My son's kindergarten teacher wound up recommending against a grade skip for reasons of maturity as well (another young kindergartner here). My son currently gets third grade math sent home (he is in a half-day kindergarten) and advanced reading in school, which is not perfect but an okay start for this year. The teacher is saving his work for an end-of-year review which may include advancement.

With the multiplication, I would probably just print her out a times table (try to find one with number relationships highlighted, like square numbers) and drop it in her path somewhere. I would still make sure she has fuller exposure to level-appropriate math materials, though.

She sounds like she has a good imagination. I wouldn't worry about it. Kids will often pick on anyone who seems different. Your daughter will seem different at times. It's just part of growing up, and I don't see it as a problem, nor anything that needs to be changed about her.

About the panic attacks, I guess if you think it's a problem, I'd talk to someone about it who's an expert in the field. I tend to think it just sounds like a sensitive kid, but I am not a doctor and don't know the full situation either.

As for point 1 - just cut out worrying about that - she is what she is and you aren't doing anyone any favors by slowing her down. Now if you want to encourage learning things that aren't traditionally taught in school as a way to keep her learning on a 'side trip' such as chess or a 2nd or 3rd language, that is a great idea, but you have to give up thinking that you are responsible for slowing her down so she can fit in at school - it just isn't workable.

Point 2 - you are correct. Very mature GT kids can be still cry more often and easily than their agemates, because they are so sensitive. I'm starting to believe that the sensitivity can become less of a challenge by using meditation to strengthen the whole human to compensate for the extra sensitivity. Not yet proven, but this is my hunch
See https://sites.google.com/site/giftedmeditation/
Personally, I think that crying is a coping mechanism, and a very good one, except at school where judgement comes with it.

If the school doesn't want to skip her because she cries easily, tell them you are willing to 1) sign a paper that you don't hold them responsible, 2) propose a 6 week trial of a move to 1st grade and then reevaluate, 3) Ask the GT coordinator to do a 'lunch date' with DD or with DD and a few others every 2 weeks to monitor the situation Then insist. (after the test results come back)

Point 3 -It's time to take a new view of what you role in 'keeping her challenged' is - it'll take some trial and error, but you may need to shift back and forth from 'guide on the side' to 'sage on the stage.' You'll feel more comfortable in a little time.

Questions:
How long a day is Kindy?
Is homeschooling or part time homeschooling a possibility?
More details of the gifted program - is it full time? Multi-age? Acceleration? Enrichment?
Friendship issue - is it possible to get her together with a different group of kids on the weekend? Martial Arts, Chess club, Math club, Reptile club come to mind.
Reading issue - I wouldn't stress over her reading level, but I would try to keep reading aloud to her. Perhaps make it a game to reward her for writing down her questions instead of interrupting you? Or give her two poker chips whenever you turn the page so she can practice limiting her questions to 2 per page? Have you tried reading to her 'My Father's Dragon' or 'The Phantom Tollbooth?' Does she enjoy it when you read to her?
Anxiety - Do you have a community mental health person who might be able to help? How do you feel about using that sort of resource? Dealing with figuring out death is a big deal for little ones. Can you get support for yourself so you aren't trying to help her from an empty tank?
Are you still taking classes? Have you found any favorite professorswho might be mentors for you? Are you still interested in starting a school for low and moderate income gifted kids?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I have a child much like your child.... extremely sensitive to the point that she would cry when other children were hurt, sick, etc. as well. I can tell you, to someone who doesn't understand a "gifty", it comes across as immaturity, but anyone who knows anything about GT kids knows it often comes with the territory. DD used to get those stomach aches, the anxiety with teh panic attacks. We had since taught her coping techniques (deep breathing, distraction, etc. and it worked wonders.) She is now several years older, has since had to be grade skipped, and is doing phenomenally (a little too well, even with a grade skip... meaning, she still isn't challenged) though we still have the intense emotions at home. She handles them beautifully at school though. Continue to push for you child though. Don't let the teachers discourage you. We went through preschool, K, 1st grade... all with doubting teachers that what they were doing wasn't enough. By 2nd grade, the light went off (though no one doubted her abilities, but more so they felt insulted that we suggest she still needs more beyond what they were doing.) We listedned to the teacher, but decided to take it one step further and pursue the grade skip with the princ. on our own, and at that point, there was total agreement and the teachers biased opinions on what harm might come from skipping a child didn't matter. Charge foward, you know your child, and be comforted in knowing she isn't immature, she's right where she's expected to be!

By the way, you can only do so much outside of school enriching. Remember they are there for 6 hrs. a day etc. and that' s a long time to sit there "bored". DD asks me why the school isn't capable of teaching her something she doesn't already know (with her skip even!) UGH! One step at a time! Don't think accomodations are a one time thing that solves all. For a child that learns so fast, their pace still is faster than what they are trying to teach them and they still bypass the new material!

I feel better now:) I haven't exactly tried to slow her down...I just haven't been giving her anything extra to do at home. She is, however, still finding her own ways of learning more on her own. But I see now that she probably does need the structure from me. There are probably some concepts from Kindergarten that may be easy for her but she still needs to at least be exposed to so that she has seen it somewhere. I think I will start by going through the report card and maybe work with the teacher to get her through the Kindergarten work first...which will probably take a couple of weeks:)Then I will just move from there and see what she does and doesn't know/understand.
Her Kindergarten is 6 hours a day. I would love to home school but would only be able to teach her after work which would mean that the time we have together would almost always be devoted to school work. She probably wouldn't have a problem with that and we could probably still include fun outside activities. Come to think of it...she would probably love it. But I wouldn't know what to do with her during the hours I am at work. I hate for her to sit there and be bored all day in class. She has started to send work home that is completely wrong. When I asked her about it she said that she is trying to just get it done fast so she can go to science center. I gave her some workbooks pages that were similar the other night and she literally just scratched lines across it (it was a matching exercise) and said "Done." I asked why she hadn't even looked at the paper and why she was okay with all of them being wrong. She said, "My teacher still gives me smiley faces." So she has already learned that she gets approval whether she does the work right or wrong. I have been working with her explaining that she has to do her best work even if she thinks it is boring because the teacher won't know how to help her if the teacher thinks that she doesn't understand the assignment.
Her response to death has mostly bothered me because she is really only able to talk to adults about it. The other children she knows, even the older ones, are very uncomfortable or even clueless about what she is talking about. Her humor has gone up a notch though...i think she has learned to laugh things off or to make jokes when she is uncomfortable. They are usually pretty good ones:)
Yes, I would like to still start a school. I am not currently in classes, however. I made it almost through my sophomore year. I have two classes to take to hit the middle ground. But I am having to focus on working to make money right now.
But I will definitely try all the advice about math and reading and even pushing to get what she needs at school. It can just become overwhelming sometimes. Sometimes I feel like my life has started to revolve around trying to make sure she doesn't get in a bad spot. I guess what I am saying is that it always feels like we are close to toppling over and there isn't much support outside of our 3 person family. Other people see her ability but seem afraid to try to help her in any way or even talk about it. Her other family members let her get by with very little because she has learned how to manipulate very well. While I am at home trying to get her to sound out words when she looks at books her grandparents tell her she can just make up words and that she doesn't have to sound them out if its too hard. Which, too hard isn't something she knows. Usually if it would be too hard for someone else it is a challenge for her that she seeks out. But she also wants to appear to know everything. So when reading aloud she wants to be fluid and having to sound out words just doesn't work:)Maybe the feeling isn't so much a toppling over feeling but a feeling of running around in circles blindly:) I don't know why I worry though. I do the same thing...my actions and conversations probably appear to me chaotic to everyone else. But I get by because of the outcomes I arrive at. People typically get worried when they first hire me or start talking to me...then when they get to know me they start to ask how I do it all without thinking. Maybe that is also the reason I do worry...I haven't exactly had the easiest time getting by in life. Every time I get close to having security...things fall apart. I get worried of failing or getting my hopes up for nothing and then I let myself down. I guess I just don't want her to be my age trying to figure out how to pay bills on time or do all the normal everyday things. I get crazy looks from her teacher because I have brought up that I want my daughter to get help so that she doesn't form bad habits that will cause problems for her later in life...but it is the truth. By the time I was in second grade I had already figured out the system. I never had to try again, unless I just waited until the very last minute to turn something in. Which I did all the time just to liven things up a bit. But by 2nd grade...I was two people at school. I was a robot who spit out work for my teachers quickly and went through all the motions...but inside I had dreams and many many thoughts and ideas. When I got home I came alive and put all that inner energy to work. Then by high school I got angry and tired of it all and just gave up completely. Now I am almost 30 and feel like I have dug a whole that I will not soon escape. I just want my daughter to never go through any of that...even if she ends up in college at 10 years old. If she wants to be an astronaut-author-dancer-painter....than I want to let her dreams change and grow right along with her. Many of our Founding Fathers pursued and excelled in multiple fields....why can't we?

I'm wondering if you are vastly overestimating the amount of time that it takes to homeschool each day? Lots of learning activities are part of everyday life - cooking and cleanup and self-care can all have learning integrated into them. I'm thinking an hour of structured time a day would be a lot at this age. If that doesn't sound like much, ask your self how many minutes of learning she is getting at school at this point...

Some families do homeschooling on the weekends. The big question is 'who would do the child care while you are at work?'

OTOH, I'm not a fan of 'letting the school off the hook' for teaching your child. Afterall - you pay tax dollars like everyone else and it's in everyone's best interests to educate all kids at their readiness level. In the end your job is to do what is best for your kid, but I would spin the 'school advocacy wheel' a few more times. Afterall, they just did the testing and who knows how they will respond after that.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

As a homeschooler and teacher, it does sound like you are overestimating how long it will take. Even a developmentally middle-of-the-road child spends a lot of time waiting for their turn, lining up, having the roll taken, etc etc etc. You can get through academic work much more quickly when it is one-on-one.

That said, if it isn't an option for what ever reason, it is worth remembering that schools are there to provide a service to you and your child. This is your child. They may try to make you feel like there are no options, but I have read some amazing stories here about what parents have achieved for their children when they just don't let go!

TBH though, whenever I think about the amount of work I would have to do to get my child through school where I live, home education sounds like the easy option.

I understand the feeling you have of wanting to do better for your child than you had yourself. I feel that too. I also understand feeling like you aren't sure how you would do that, or that whatever you do is wrong. Honestly though, as an adult, I feel that the things that annoy me the most weren't when someone was trying and got it wrong, it was when they frankly couldn't care less. I cling to that. Hopefully my children will at least know I tried really hard to do the right thing.

What have you tried, what has the school offered?

I think if she can't read yet, then there is no way she should be in first grade. Have you asked about enrichment, and having her given appropriate work in class time?

Yeah I think she could learn a lot in a short amount of time at home...but when I was looking up the requirements for home school where I live I am supposed to give her 4 hours of instruction a day, 180 days a year. I asked if I could give her less per day and stretch out how many days a year I teach her and I was told that I basically have to follow what they accept as a full day at public school which is 4 hours of instruction and 2 hours for all the breaks and lunch and recess and what not. I don't have to account for the 2 hours of course...but you get my drift probably.
She can read as far as knowing a lot of words from memory, sounding them out and using clues to figure out the ones she doesn't know. But she doesn't like to push herself in the area right now so she is still in beginner books because she likes the satisfaction of not having to "try" to read. Of course today she sat down with a 101 fever still and read 3 books from start to finish. Dr. Seuss. She makes me a liar on a daily basis:) I think this may be one area where she may respond to flash cards because she doesn't want to solve it...she wants to memorize it. I thought I would try some phonics flashcards and flashcards with larger words. But she is also following her typical pattern she has had since she turned 1. She started with art then started scribbling again and went to numbers then acted like she didn't know them. Then she went to letters and sounds...and even spoke some Spanish. Then she "forgot" that and went back to art. Now she is on a math kick again...science and dance have been her only constant areas of interest. She seems to use all the other subjects to advance in those areas. I have a feeling she is about to move back into language soon because I gave her a second grade math workbook today just to see what she may or may not know. She acted like she couldn't do a lot of it. So I gave her the pen and talked on the phone for about half an hour. When I got off the phone I looked at what she had done and she had finished 4 pages of stuff she "couldn't do" and it was all right. First grade math isn't an option. I also found that out tonight. I gave her that workbook first and she would finish a page in seconds or look at a page and say "boring" or "nerdy" and turn to another one. She loves patterns though so I showed her how 10 x's a # or 5 x's a # etc. creates patterns. So then we moved back to the clock. She can tell time but she counts each minute mark to do so. I gave her some patterns and ideas about how to tell time faster by using the multiplication and the addition or subtraction so she found that interesting. So yes in a matter of 2 or 3 hours she went through several pages of math, we talked about space, she read some books, we went over time, and talked about why she has a fever now that she has the flu...so even with the flu she was a sponge. I felt bad teaching her while she is so sick...but she was trying to get up and add to her "collection" so I had to find some way to keep her occupied and settled at the same time:)
I would go back to letting her go to school then come home and that is where she actually did most of her learning...but first off I feel sort of like she should be benefiting from school as much as everyone else. I also feel like she won't take school as seriously later on if I do get her more help. Then lastly, well not lastly since I have lots of concerns about letting her just ride it out, but I don't want her to feel bored or misunderstood in class all day. It would be like sending my 8 year old to pre-k during the day so I could work.
I have a feeling that they will draw this out so a grade skip this year will more than likely not happen. But I think I may try to teach her what I can and let her progress as far as she seems ready to so that next year we may can go full steam ahead on a grade skip. I am still worried a little about that also. She learns so quickly I don't know when she will find a grade to rest in or if she ever will. And I worry about her being physically younger than everyone else. I guess I should rephrase that though...she learns quickly when I give her the tools and let her do everything on her own time. When I try to sit her down with any structure or show her things she will only let me go so far and then she pushes me out of the picture or gets really hyper. So she is an incredibly fast learner with little or no structure but if you put any walls around her she doesn't know how to cope.
As far as the initial testing went...I don't know. She always swears she can't remember what she did at school even though she can remember very small details of things that she did when she was 2. She said she pointed at some pictures and spelled green "grn" I asked her why she left the e's out, because she knows all of her color words. She said "grn" is a shorter way of spelling green. And the test she did was just a assessment of what she knows as far as kindergarten material goes. It was supposed to be a test to see if we should test her for giftedness. I am supposed to be getting a call for an appointment soon to have a meeting with the gifted teacher and her kindergarten teacher to see where to go next.
What do you guys think I should say, expect, or suggest at the meeting?

Oh, and her teacher was supposed to be giving her different work for in class and was going to send some higher level math work home for her to do but that was about 3 months ago and I haven't seen any of it. So I talked with her teacher and let her know that my daughter was covering her ears refusing to do the regular kindergarten homework that was being sent home and I asked if I could give her different homework at home to send to school and let the teacher make a big deal about her working hard...so that my daughter at least tries to have some sort of structured assignment. It worked for a couple weeks then the work started coming home untouched so I was afraid that my daughter would think the teacher didn't care as much anymore so I just stopped...it was almost Christmas break anyway so I figured if I stopped sending it my daughter would just take it as part of the break and not that she wasn't doing something right. Now with the second semester she is coming home with a folder every Monday of homework to do for the week. She did all the work for the month in the first night. But the teacher only gave her a sticker for the first week and is still sending the same homework home on Mondays...already finished. Her teacher was working with me until my daughter lost her initial shyness and started shouting out answers in class. I talked to her about it and I haven't heard any complaints but since then her teacher seems to not like my daughter or me or both as much...and I am not sure why the sudden change.

I would suspect that the change from being shy and compliant to shouting out answers is part of the issue, and it is a shame.