Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Children who 'push'

Anyone else have one of those?

My oldest is four and is just ALWAYS pushing. Everything is a battle. Today, he screamed in my face because I told him he couldn't come inside without washing his feet. They were coated in mud. we deal with it, move on, and its something else.

The ones that annoy me the most are the things that have been house rules since as soon as he could walk. After you finish eating, you have to put you plate up at the sink. He has had to do that since he was about a year old. So today, he didn't and had a meltdown when I asked him to do it.

I admit I am writing this worn out and exhasted from it, but please tell me I'm not the only one who has to deal with this?!?!? My friends don't seem to have this problem. Sure, they have to say no several times, but not every single time the issue comes up for what feels like the rest of their lives!

My son is very headstrong too. Have you checked out the Nurtured Heart approach? It is working for us.

Four is really hard. It gets better, I promise.

Wow, Geomamma, that sounds tough! I hope you get some down time to recharge and just be in a quiet space. I find after one of "those" days I need to be out of the house and walking!

We don't have it everyday about everything with DS about to turn 5, instead we get it in clusters usually around his half or full birthday or around times of change. And then it's similar in terms of testing things that are house rules or are obviously going to be met with a negative reaction. What's been important for us is to keep reinforcing what will not be tolerated while trying to point out when he does the right thing. But I have to say my ability to handle often has a lot more to do with me than him. Especially because they all have that way of knowing what gets you the most. So besides offering sympathy and a recommendation for restoring your own sanity, when you say ALWAYS pushing do you mean that literally or can you pinpoint some patterns, hungry, bored, changing from one activity to another? If it literally is ALWAYS then perhaps the nurtured heart book that lots here recommend might help.

Hang in there!

DeHe

Had to laugh in sympathy here. I once had a conversation with one of my kids that went like this:

"We know you aren't stupid - how can someone as smart as you obviously are not figure out that you are supposed to do 'X' when you have been told literally at least a thousand times to do it? Why do we have to tell you two or three times every single day?"

"What I can't figure out is how parents who are as smart as you guys are can't figure out that if you've told me a thousand times to do something, and I'm still not doing it, I'm obviously not going to..."

(This was the same child who, at the age of 2, when I, in utter frustration said aloud, but under my breath, "What part of "No!" don't you understand?", looked up at me and calmly answered "The part that applies to me.")

Heaps of empathy from this corner. I was smiling and nodding whilst reading. My dd is eight and we have the shouting and stubbornness interspersed with heaps of tears due to anxiety and frustration.

If she's stimulated and learning then she's happy, if not, god help us all! We're seeing a gifted specialist (only just started) if you want you can inbox me and I'll let you know if we find any effective ways of disciplining! All I know is that softly, softly seems to work better than shouting - as much as not shouting is so very difficult sometimes!

Hang in there. I know it's hard...

K x

Oh my, welcome to my world. DD is and has always been the queen of pushers! She has these episodes sevral times a day. It drives us nuts. Tonight she was pushing for more reading time even though we got home late from A MLK community celebration, she started yelling at me and trying to use my "make good choices" that I use on her, on me LOL.

I agree with katebee- when DD is learning and stimulated she is good, but heaven help us if she isn't, but it doesn't just happen then, she is as my mom says "more stubborn that you were and I never thought that was possible." LOL. So I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree here.

We are really working on that we wont tolerate it here, but she will push right back harder with us. We had a battle at 4 am the other night because she wouldn't give it up and just pushed and pushed, but we are trying to not give in and be consistent...but man it is hard when she will push anyway, for hours.

You are not alone!

Thank you everyone! He's in bed now, and I feel a lot better

Seriously, it probably isn't all the time but it sure feels like it. Some days are definitely worse than others, and it is worse when he isn't being stimulated enough. I just can't keep him stimulated enough! There is only one of me!

Tomorrow we have his first science club meeting, so it will hopefully be a better day.

I will look more into the nurtured heart approach, I'm certainly willing to try. There were a few threads that mentioned it, so I'll look them up.

Once again, thank you for making me feel "in good company"

Wow, aculady, that sounds just like my dd5. GeoMamma, I am grateful you asked this question, it certainly makes all of us feel better that we are not alone. I have a "pusher" as well. I'd like to think she got a little better by 5? Or we just learned to let it go and choose our battles, maybe? Taking "no" for an answer is hard for these kids, and we have debates over the underlying parental authority--as in "it's my body and I should be deciding if I should put my pajama on," and other equally interesting conversations. My dd understood early that being a kid means you are "some kind of inferior being," as she says, because other people tell you what to do all the time. And she argues that it's the society's fault that kids cannot be independent, since kids did not make the law about compulsory schooling and they can't work and drive, LOL. Thus, the world is totally unfair to kids and they should certainly get to vote...Her dad's a litigator and we're both pg, but I tell 'ya this kid could out-argue the Supreme Court. And she's not ill-intended or defiant without reason--actually most of the time she's quite funny--and I can tell it's part of her asychronicities. It cannot be easy to think/understand things at the level these kids are without having the emotional maturity to deal with that understanding and LET STUFF GO for a change.

You are not alone. Both of my girls are very head strong and demanding! I mentioned that the stress of dealing with them lately has caused me to lose weight!

I'm trying to get my hands on:

Living With Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults by Susan Daniels

My library doesn't have it.

HUGS TO YOU!!!