Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need advice re: nephew

My brother and his wife were brought into a meeting the other day with my nephews teacher and 3 other 1st grade teachers. They reason for the meeting was that they are suggesting that my nephew (lets call him L) be held back next year. The reason: He isn't completing tasks, has a hard time staying focused, and isn't "mature". They want to hold him back so that he will hopefully be more mature. They said "it will be great, he'll be one of the older boys and be at the top of his class".

About L: He started K young. He has an October bday so he started at 4 then turned 5 a few months later. He is incredibly bright. He has a proclivity for math and reading. His reading level is 2.7 (2nd grade, 7mos) and he's also advanced in math. The interesting thing about L is that he has this ability to build things that are amazing. He created an erector set where a marble rolls through it...and it is so complex I was really surprised. He's only in 1st grade, yet he's writing in cursive, doing division and is reading quite well. He can also do puzzles at lightning speed, even ones that are for adults.

I asked L the other day how school was going. He said "good, but I dont get my work done like I'm supposed to". I asked why and he said "Its just so boring sometimes...and I like to help other people with their work first if they dont get it". He is a very social little boy but Im guessing that his lack of focus and time management make him appear immature. Perhaps he is....but I just don't know. I'm also surprised the teacher is saying this now when there is still 4 more months of school. But maybe its a "heads-up" type thing.

So ladies help me out. I know many of you have kids who have difficulty staying focused in school. Its certainly not that he can't do the work but is this enough to hold him back? I know its common for some GT kids to not do the work when they aren't challenged. I dont know if he is GT but in my experience he really seems to be. Im not sure what level he'd be, perhaps MG. I would appreciate ANY advice you ladies might have.

<hand raised> Yup, we do!


I'd say no, it's not! Has anyone else bothered to talk to the child about WHY he's not doing his work? Do they all just not realize that he's GT, probably Visual-Spatial, and bored?

Can you recommend GT assessment--including an IQ test and perhaps an achievement test--before your Bro and SIL make any decisions about next year? I think that's probably the best bet for your nephew.

If it's possible for you to advocate with his parents, I would recommend that you do so. Someone needs to stand up for this child, and his parents seem to be missing the boat with him. On the bright side, most parents don't mind hearing that their child is really bright, so even if you're going to be seen as "meddling," it's not likely to be viewed as a bad thing by the parents in most cases.

Give them whatever help and guidance they'll let you share with them. It sounds like they need it!

Good for you for paying attention! Your nephew is lucky to have you!

I also second the GT assessment.

I also think it is so sweet that he says that he is helping out his classmates. IMO, your nephew probably has very little motivation to finish his work if he is not learning anything new.

That's scary. I too would suggest to get assessment done ASAP. It's hard to do busy work over and over and over and that's probably how he feels about his assignments.

He isn't completing tasks, has a hard time staying focused, and isn't "mature".

Amen to the GT testing! I agree, he probably isn't completing tasks because he's bored. Holding him back will exacerbate the focusing problems. Did they give examples of what they mean by immature?

Good looking out for your family!

I�m glad he is social. I think many teachers misinterpret kids separating themselves from the group as immaturity. The term also seems to be a catch-all phrase that is used to sway parents to accept a recommendation without concrete justification.

I would recommend your sibling ask that he be taken up to the next grade as an experiment to see if his out-put and attention improves. I also agree with the full GT evaluation. Unless he is found to be just average or below for grade, I would advise against the retention. I think he would become more disengaged from school if he had to remain in the early grades even longer.

Are the parents floored by this recommendation? I hope they weren�t intimidated by the number of teachers at the meeting. Did they all have some first hand knowledge of the boy, or was it just an ambush?

On reading level alone, I think they have no right to hold this poor little guy back!? I volunteer with the first graders every week. I don't think your nephew has cornered the market on immaturity.

My DS has an October birthday and is a full year older than this little guy. He was reading where your nephew was a year ago. Now he reads 6-8th grade level novels with excellent comprehension. That's where this poor guy could be in a year's time! I can't imagine making him sit through 1st grade AGAIN because he doesn't fit into some social mold that they think everyone should fit into. It's probably bad enough to do it once. It doesn't sound like his needs are being met in that environment.

You are a wonderful aunt for being concerned and taking this on! It definitely sounds like he should be assessed ASAP. He sounds like a very sweet little boy.

I really hope they don't hold your nephew back. I bought into the too immature for his age level and allowed my son to be held back for social reasons after an early K start. We are still and will continue to deal with the negative fall-out from that decision.

He sounds like a really sweet child with alot of skills that are not being challenged My son had the same excuse for not getting his work done btw lol

Golly, that's scary talk: "Your child is too bored to do this work now, so we want to make him do it again next year and see what happens."

Actually some kids who are overwhelmed do say that they are bored, but not usually kids who doing division and reading above grade level.

Advice #1: Suggst that they get a GT assesment, IQ test and Achievements.
Advice #2: If they seem reluctant to follow advice #1, scare them: by saying "Well gee, maybe he has a learning disability, you'd better get his IQ checked."

((I can be so mean sometimes, but some folks do have an easier time telling themselves that they are 'ruling out a LD' than steping into the role of Advocate for a Gifted child.))

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Ok, I got detailed information from my bro. This is directly from the letter the teacher gave him after the meeting. Yes, it was an "ambush". My bro and SIL had no idea what the meeting was about. Oh and to add, he is at a new school this year and was doing better at his last school academically. (not sure why).

"background:
oldest of 3, new baby at home (mom says he's been this way before baby),{(excels at) puzzles, sorting and blocks, bright}, mid-Oct birthday 6yrs, can get rough in tag games, likes to dig in sand, parallel play, takes long time to do homework

Strengths:
Academically capable, bright, helpful, likes to please, grasps new concepts, math and reading a strength, 2.7 STAR (basically reading at 7th month of second grade but in May of '07 he was reading at 2nd month of 2nd Grade) , enjoys reading, can focus well on activities he chooses/likes

Areas of concern:
Repetitive tasks are a struggle, believed to be developmentally very young, penmenship can be difficult (hard to read at times), difficulty completing work - especially writing but excels in math, slow to start on work/easily distracted, not an independent worker, can meet standard but not expectations.

Modifications in place:
redirection, reduced work (modified), reminders, prompts, extra time


For homework(HW) issues they recommend that limiting 15 minutes a day for HW and what is not finished is annotated on the HW that he ran out of time and turn in HW as is."

From my brother:
They also recommended he repeat first grade so he will be at the head of his class to give him more confidence. They wanted us to stress that repeating will be a positive thing.

Some confusing stuff. We do not agree with it on many levels. Typical California school system response to a child that does not either fit their standard mold or is not falling completely behind.

What we do know is his reading level has slowed with this new school. His hand writing was more than ledgible before he graduated kindergarten last year and he had issues with getting distracted in kindergarten and by the end of the year, he had improved greatly.

It's a scary thought, but I'm a teacher and I can say it... I'm beginning to wonder if schools are trying to hold kids back to beef up their achievement test scores? NCLB - don't get me started!

"can get rough in tag games, likes to dig in sand, parallel play, takes long time to do homework"

The thing that concerns me is the schools are so focused on the social thing. I'm reading into it that this statement is the main reason they want him held back. Just my opinion.

I'm guessing they feel he is too immature to progress and needs that extra year to catch up, common with ND boys.

The scary thing is you and I know he is a bright boy, probably rejecting his agemates because he is probably innapropriately placed in his grade....so much evidence points to giftedness being genetic and running in families.

I'd take Grinity's tack, go her course. I think that's the best plan with what they are dealing with.

Incog

O.K. Here�s some advice that I find difficult to follow regarding my son�s experience with teachers. Maybe you can give your bro an SIL this tidbit to possibly improve your nephew�s situation next year.

I assume that the answer from the parents will be NO! I would suggest they act as if they are grateful for the �concern� of these teachers and although they think retention would be too extreme a solution, they will ensure that they work with him over the summer to make certain he is well prepared by next fall for the increased challenges of 2nd grade.

If they can manage that without choking, their son will probably have less teacher prejudice directed towards him next year.

It would be interesting to know what the change was that made him slow down academically this year? Was he at a Montessori for kindergarten? Did he go from 0 to 2nd grade reading level in kindergarten, or was he reading before kindergarten?

Regardless, I don't really think there is any compelling reason to hold this little guy back at all! I love delbows response. And I still think a full assessment for him might be useful. Espeically if they're going to stick it out at this school he's at. They may need some ammo. I bet if he were 6 months older and doing the same thing academically and socially, they wouldn't try to pull this on him.

I second this, plus Grinity's advice.

I'm shaking my head at the whole fiasco! Ridiculous!

I can't thank you ladies enough for you candid thoughts. Its what I was thinking as well but figured since Im so close to the situation that outside advice would be great to get!

My bro and SIL do not want him held back. I am passing along all of your advice so that they can hopefully handle this the best way for their son.

Re: kimck's response:
"It would be interesting to know what the change was that made him slow down academically this year? Was he at a Montessori for kindergarten? Did he go from 0 to 2nd grade reading level in kindergarten, or was he reading before kindergarten?"

He was at a christian private school last year. They moved and he went to a charter school this year. It is concerning that he slowed down, even went backwards, academically after changing schools.

It is! I'm wondering what about that school, classroom, or teacher is not a good fit for him? It seems pretty obvious they don't "get" him and they aren't engaging him. The more I think about it, the weirder I think this is! Like why bring this up now in ambush format (instead of sooner) if it has been an ongoing issue? And why decide to hold back well before the end of the school year? 6 months is still an incredibly long time if you're a 5-8 year old. I really feel for his parents! You'll have to let us know how this turns out.

I have a friend whose daughter (now in middle school) in 1st sounds like your nephew. In her sd, they test all kids for gifted placement. When she got the word that her dd had scored very high, she actually called the school to confirm it because her dd was having so much trouble finishing things in 1st grade. Her dd went to a gifted school for 2nd, and later was diagnosed with ADD (not ADHD). It might be worth a trip to the pediatrician to rule out ADD too.

By the way, this girl is doing great in school and is very much her own person.

Tammy, I sent you a pm this morning. We went through something very similar last year.