Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Not wanting to borrow trouble...but question

Hi Amanda,

Oh how I empathize with the puzzle you are trying to solve. It is very difficult to unravel giftedness from other possible explanations.

The play scene you described with baby Jesus sounds very familar. My DD4 will fixate on certain characters and needs storylines to be very specific, sometimes following a book's storyline. She can make leaps and change things, but she can do the same story again and again and I have flat out told her I cannot keep doing the same thing and sadly, no other child is going to share the same interest for as long as she does. This issue arises during playdates. We have begun an evaluation, and she has had one appointment so far which specifically was looking at Aspergers signs and so far, the psych said she saw "many good things" which was vague, but encouraging.

Her behavior can look like ADHD too, but sensory issues can create over-stimulated behavior. She CAN focus, but she is very silly and almost too happy if that makes any sense. She often seems more UP than most kids. She is never down or mopey for any extended period.

There are some differences between our girls, but a number of things sound similar so I will keep you updated on what we are finding out. As I said before, my DD does go to OT and I think it has been very helpful for her.

Best of luck to you.

I have never heard my DD described quite so well. That is her...to a T! She has her meltdowns, but otherwise, she is very silly, and yes the almost too happy makes sense. It is a hard to describe thing, but I KNOW exactly what you are talking about. She is so wound, ALL THE TIME. She is always bouncing, moving, and twirling even when talking or focusing on something else. I have wondered if this and they eye contact thing is the same thing. She is uncomfortable in social situations so when she has to talk she spins, wiggles, does the splits, anything to avoid having to have an actual conversation. That is something I noticed today, but she does it all the time to.

Sigh, I would like a moment of calm LOL.

Yes, please do let me know what you have found.

yes, when my DD has her meltdowns or her "over-reactions" they are just as extreme, but a majority of the time she appears very happy: sing-songy skipping happy. It is funny but I have said to my DH something about needing her to "sober up" for a moment (obviously joking since she is four).

My DD does not struggle with social interaction on the surface--she smiles and greets people and that sort of thing--but has come on too strong, been a "space invader," talked too loud, and tried to push her ideas on others.

There are a few things that quiet and settle my DD a bit: drawing and Playdough. She makes things from Playdough on a daily basis. Of course she often makes characters that then act out the scenarios that can drive me bonkers, but it does seem to settle her (back to the sensory issues).

I know exactly what it is like to be with a child who is just running on HIGH all the time. There are days it literally overwhelms MY senses. I have a feeling you know what I mean.

Oh man, yes. I cried yesterday because I have been so overwhelmed.

You described my DD to a T. Ansley struggles at times with the social, but when she does do the social she is too strong, talks too loud, and is just too silly!

Your comments about eye contact really struck me.

The eye contact issue is a good example of how we can be making things worse for people with an ASD when we are only trying to help them. You start with someone who feels anxiety when they look you in the eye then you make them feel anxious (unintentionally) because they feel less than adequate for not being able to look you in they eye. Just like that you have doubled the anxiety that the person associates with eye contact. It can become a vicious circle.

Please don't misinterpret my comments as a criticism. I just want to give readers some food for thought. Many others may have different experiences, but I want to share mine.

I suffer from eye contact issues and my son has been diagnosed with an ASD. I too used to see a lack of eye contact as a character flaw rather than something being caused by having a brain that works differently than most. Even though I knew how difficult it was for me to look people in the eye, I still got frustrated with my own DS for not looking people in the eye.

I have suffered with a generalized anxiety disorder for the last 20 years. After my DS was diagnosed with an ASD, and I realized that I too have many of the characteristics of an ASD, I cut us both some slack (not just regarding eye contact) and we are way better for it. I will never again feel bad for not being able to make eye contact. Never again will I expect my son to make eye contact. That is just us - take it or leave it. (It sounds like you have already cut you DD some slack no matter what is causing her difficulty with eye contact)

I know that many people with ASD can learn to overcome this difficulty, but my DS and I have greater difficulties to deal with. In the grand scheme of things I now fail to see the importance of looking people in the eye. I believe it is important to adhere to most of society's norms, but a lot of them are not worth making anyone miserable over.

I think it depends on what other skills are present/missing, and what your short and long term goals are. And whether you are talking about short or long term misery.

A lot of the teaching we have done with DS has made him uncomfortable at first. Autism/Asperger's boxes a person in, makes them rigid and unwilling to try new things or things that are difficult. Our position in raising our child has been that we are going to get him out of his box to the fullest extent that we can. And yes, I am as appalled as anyone at parts of the Tiger Mother thread, but there are times when it is worth some short term discomfort for long term gain.

DS has learned over some years to make reasonable eye contact; to go into the woods (which terrified him previously); to apologize when he's offended someone; and countless other things he used to hate to do. One can learn these skills. We have found them worth learning because one of our goals for him is that he be employed and independent someday, which will undoubtedly mean an interview where he makes eye contact (and many other skills, too).

If you are a person for whom the process of learning this skill makes you miserable over years, not days or weeks, then you might decide it's not worth it at this point in your learning, or else change your approach to learning it.

The strategy of teaching matters; we won't torture our kid, but we will firmly insist that he practice things that are hard, for a little while at a time, and reward his efforts, until they are easier and eventually mastered.

DeeDee